A drunk goes in a bar and asks for a shot of Jim Beam.
The bartender pours it and the drunk pushes it aside and asks for another shot of Jim Beam. The bartender pours it and the drunk drinks it. The bartender says, "I watched what you did and I don't understand why you pushed the first one away and drank the second one!" The drunk stated," I've been goi...
My dad’s favorite saying is “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
He is not allowed to host AA meetings anymore.
A circus ringleader and his wife were living with their main act, an alcoholic chimpanzee
The chimpanzee would always do the same thing every day: find the liquor cabinet, drink a few bottles, screech and destroy things for a few hours, and then pass out in a random spot for the rest of the day.
The wife could not stand the chimp, but the ringmaster did not have enough money to f...
These batteries were dealing with an alkaline problem, I had to take them to
AA meetings.
Signs you drink too much coffee
- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You're the employee of ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Signs...
The following are all signs that you are a drunk. They include, but are not limited to...
- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
- Your job interferes with your drinking.
- Your doctor finds traces...
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