UPJOKE

A Trillion Jokes

You look like a trillion German marks in 1929.

Huge but also worthless

FM radio is the future! Just think about it, a trillion songs to listen to.

Nevermind, it's only playing the same 20 songs everyday.

How much does it cost a small middle eastern country to host the World Cup?

A Qatar of a trillion

scared of flying

A friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that
there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on ...

A husband and wife are on a golf course

The wife swings and it cracks to the right nailing a house and smashing a window. Being responsible adults they went to apologize and pay for the damage. Upon knocking on the front door, the door opens wide up to a man with his arms crossed above a broken bottle. The man explains he’s a genie and ha...

A genie appears infront of a man...

And tells him that he can have 3 wishes, but his ex wife will get double anything he asks for.

The man thinks and says "I wish for a trillion dollars"

"It is done. Now your ex also has 2 trillion dollars."

"I wish for the biggest mansion in the world with everything that comes...

I don't see any reason not to print more money.

Tell me one and I'll give you a Trillion Zimbabwe Dollars.

Girl: How do you know Apple is run by men? Because they call it the iPhone 6+ when it's only 5.5 inches long

Guy: Of course it's run by men, it's a trillion dollar company, not a kitchen

I just thought of this and I can't get it out of my mind.

Teacher: What are the biggest causes of air pollution.

Student: Gases realeased from vehicles like trucks and cars.

Student: Factories that release gases like Co2 from burning fuels.

Student: There are 7 BILLION people living on earth, so there is more than a TRILLION farts rele...

The genie

So this guy is walking down the road when all of a sudden he finds a random lamp. Knowing what this could possibly mean he quickly rubs it and poof out pops a magic genie. The mighty genie looks at the small man and states "I will grant you three wishes however to keep you out of trouble what ever y...

Dave was walking along the beach and saw a beautiful lamp wash up.

He rubbed it and a marvelous Genie popped out and his mother-in-law, Cathy, appeared.

The Genie stated, you have three wishes, but be careful what you wish for.. and whatever you get, your mother-in-law will get double. Cathy snickered at him and started rubbing her hands together. "It's abou...

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Three guys wandering beside a cliff find a golden lamp...

...one of the guys pick it and cleans it and because he rubbed it with his shirt, a genie pops out. He says to the 3 guys: “because you have woken me to see the world once more, I will grant each of you 1 wish. However you must jump and leap into your wish near the grass here!”

Filled with ex...

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A Jew, an Italian and a Polish parson are waiting to be executed by electric chair...

The Jew steps out first, warden asks him if he has any last words, he Mentions that his uncle is a doctor and the warden flips the switch. Nothing Happens. The warden says, “you lucky son of a bitch,” one in 1 million chance it doesn’t work, your free to go.”

The Italian steps up next. The w...

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Curtis

So, imagine a guy named Curtis. Curtis was no ordinary man. You see, he was MAGICAL. Nearly omnipotent.

One day, Curtis decides to make use of his power, and he takes a marker, and a trillion sheets of paper. On each sheet he draws an E as large as he can.

Every time you did someone a...

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