UPJOKE

A Stick Jokes

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift.

But I couldn't find a manual.

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

(Original Joke?) What do you call a stick figure who is enthusiastic about working out?

A gymna-stick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your money in this bag!"

The frightened bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartend...

A guy told me he could throw a stick a mile and his dog would run out and bring the stick back

... but I thought it was far-fetched.

My home was wrecked by a tornado taking my PC with it, I found the thing covered in glass and everything was unsalvageable aside from a stick of ram

At least I have the memory of it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window?

To see butter-fly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy pulls out a stick and starts carving it with his knife. His friend yells: "Hey! You dropped a big piece of wood on my floor!" The first guy responds:

"You're overreacting..........it's just a whittle bit."

What does a ska drummer do when they drop a stick?

Pickitup pickitup pickitup!

10 years ago to this day, I cut myself with a stick of RAM

I guess you could say I have a pretty sharp memory.

What’s the difference between a hold up and a stick up.

Old age.

My friend told me his dog could retrieve a stick from 5 miles away..

I don't know. I guess it seems a little far fetched to me.

Kids today will never know how awesome Pogs were. Or how to drive a stick shift. Or how to speak.

Really, most things escape baby goats.

What do you call a military dictator killed by a stick of dynamite?

Napoleon Blown-aparte.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ran into the gas station with my mask on saying, "This is a Stick Up!"

The clerk laughed.

The man paying for a coffee laughed.

The lady grabbing a candy bar laughed.

They thought I was joking, so I quickly made a small purchase.

When the cashier had the drawer open, I said hand me the large bills and a carton behind the counter.

The c...

I told my dog a joke about fetching a stick

And he didn’t get it…

How is a piano like a stick shift?

They both have three pedals, and most people only know what two of them do.

I used to play air drums for Rush in my car until I lost a stick out the window.

Now I can only play for Def Leopard.

Do you think more people will realize that their cars have a built in feature called a “turn signal” and that it can be turned on and off with a stick next to their steering wheel now that they are hanging their face masks from it?

Probably not.

Dracula was casually walking down the street for a late night stroll. All of a sudden, a mozzarella stick flies through the air and hits him on the side of the head. He looks around slightly perplexed, but doesn't think too much of it.

A few meters further on and a chicken wing smacks him in the nuts. As he doubles over in pain, out of nowhere, he is drenched in hot nacho cheese.

He looks to the sky with a raised fist and shouts, "Curse you Buffet the Vampire Slayer!".

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Some guy who wasn't looking where he was going hit me with a stick today

So I beat the shit out of him.

And for good measure kicked his Labrador too.

A Man throws a stick

The stick lands on a car, the dog follows it.

The car goes to JFK airport, the dog follows it. 'Come back!' Yelled the man, but to no avail.

The stick lands in baggage, the dog goes into another baggage in hopes of finding the stick.

The respective owners of the baggages are bot...

A witch and her friend enter a race. When they get there, the witch’s ride is already there waiting for her. “Huh” the witch’s friend says. “I didn’t know you drive a stick.”

“It’s a broom, actually.” She says.

I almost had to fight someone today after they hit me with a stick,

but he walked away like he didn't even see me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 10 year old boy with a dead frog on a stick walks up to a brothel

He knocks on the door, and the madam answers. She says "I'm sorry, we can't serve a boy as young as you here."
The boy hands the madam a crisp 100 dollar bill, and she says "right this way."
The madam lines up her best girls, and asks the boy to choose one.
The boy asks "Do any of them hav...

Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One of them takes a stick, draws a line in the sand, and says to the other, “If you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face!”

That was the punchline.

All was calm at the grocery store until a man holding a stick above his head ran into the store.

“This is a stick-up!”

What's the difference between a boomerang and a stick of wood ?

With the boomerang you can spare yourself the dog.

I met a Texas Aggie the other day that had ridden a stick horse all the way up to Indiana.

"That must've been a long journey, " I said to him.

"You're telling me," he answered, "it feels like I walked all the way."

I bought a stick of deoderant the other day.

The instructions read 'Push up bottom'. I guess I smell alright, but it sure hurts to walk.

What is the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a stick of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

“But you forgot about the stick of glue!”

I knew you’d get stuck on that!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross shaggy and a stick of bamboo?

Mr.bamboostick

My memory is like a stick of RAM

It forgets everything by the time I go to sleep

I taught my girlfriend how to drive a stick yesterday.

Pretty soon she’ll be ready for a whole branch.

Which is more courageous a pebble or a stick?

The pebble, it's a little boulder.

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped…

"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch.

It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.

"That's *amazing!!"* says the second caterpillar. "How in th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gorilla removal service.

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in a tree near his house. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.

"Boy," is the man's response.

"Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", ...

What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer?

Abominable!

(say it out loud, slowly)

Johnny and Susie were playing naked, wondering why they have different “parts”

When Johnny got home he asked his mother why he had a stick and Susie had a hole. Johnny’s mother said “oh son, you have a Ferrari, and Susie has a garage; the time will come and you’ll park your Ferrari in her garage”

When Susie got home she asked her father why she had a hole and Johnny had...

A Home Owner walks into his Back Yard...

And sees a gorilla in his tree. He calls the Gorilla Removal Services (GRS) and they send one of their guys over.

The man shows up with a stick, hand cuffs, a chihuahua and shot gun and goes on to explain how he'll get the Gorilla down.

GRS Guy: "I'm going to climb this tree and poke ...

The defendant is accused of putting a stick of dynamite into a steer.

Abombinabull.

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