A Smart Jokes

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz... read more

A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day.

The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.”

Tommy replied, “Well, then j... read more

“I was in the mood for a drink so I biked to the local liquor store to buy a bottle of whiskey. At first I was planning to bike home with the bottle in my bike basket but I’m not an idiot and knew it would break if I crashed so I drank it in the parking lot. Thank god I did because I crashed 12 time... read more

"Dad, are you sure?"

"Absolutely!"

A residense.

A golden retriever

Hopefully they’ll never meet.

And he told me about my wife and the butcher!

The bartender asks: "Is it better to be smarter or fast?"

The fast guy says, "Fast because if you are working at a nuclear power plant and there is an accident, you can run away."

The smart guy says, "It's better to be smart because then you wouldn't be working at a nuclear power plant... read more

A smart man and a not so smart man are locked in a room. One day they decided they didn’t like being locked up anymore, and wanted to escape. The not so smart one has to rely on the smart one to get out. So they made their way up to the roof through a series of vents. Once up on the roof of the buil... read more

Two farmers are in town talking about how smart their dogs are:
1st farmer yells out: “Dog! Get me the paper”
His dog races off down the street to the local news agency, gets the daily paper drops it in his owners hand and sits down.
“Not bad” says the 2nd farmer.
“Bluey, I’m hungry” he... read more

Frankeinstein.

He was chatting casually with my brother-in-law (they are neighbors) to say he was done with smart phones.

The older man was **irate** as AT&T was charging him extra fees because he was old!

My brother-in-law was astounded. He asked the older man what on earth he means by that. I... read more

An Apple fritter

There have been sightings of UFOs

They are having trouble installing Windows

My wife finished college.

I know it's cutting edge technology but jeez

But it's impossible to argue with a dumb person.

When i was like 8 or 9 i threw my father's phone from the terrace, by turning the airplane mode on cause i thought it would take off. And after 10 years, here i am studying engineering realizing that airplanes don't take off mid-air. I should've tried it on the ground.

I went golfing, and forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.

She answered: "What's up, honey?"

What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!

A tourist

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

A geologist.

The smart guy goes into the interview room first and is met by three people on the panel.

The first one asks, “Who do you think the best soccer player in the world is?”

The smart guy replies, “Before it was Ronaldo but now it’s Messi.

The second interviewer asks, “When did the p... read more

One day, the royal court was lounging around in a bored state. Without thinking, the jester suddenly voiced an opinion, "You know, there are times when the apology for an offense is worse than the original action."

The king immediately glowers and says, "If you can't prove that, Jester, I thi... read more

A very smart man boards a plane and sits down.
A blond girl sits next to him.

He is bored so he says to her

"Let's play a game, I give you a riddle if you cannot find the answer you pay me 5 dollars. If you answer it though you give me a riddle and I don't answer it I'll give you 30... read more

Man on phone:
"Honey I have been asked to go golfing in China with my boss for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion.
So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, and my Golf bag.
We are leaving from office & I will swing by the house to pick my thi... read more

By his wise 'crack'.

The dumb cop; because Cinderella and a smart cop exist only in stories.

It doesn't show Trump

A wise crack

A redhead walks into the Doctor's office and says, "Doctor, please help me....I ache all over". The Doctor says, "really, let me see if I can help...show me where it hurts". The redhead points down to her knee, pokes it and screams in pain. The Doctor nods, takes some notes and asks..."Anwhere else?... read more

Now my car has a learning disability

At least the quiet kid was there with a MP5

A Cunning Linguist

However, I'm less optimistic about Corona Delta.

A New Zealander

The dumb blonde, because the other two don't exist.

But most importantly, I want these women to never meet.

Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man." Starting to freak out, the guy say... read more

...that's when I respond with "My name's Tyler..."

A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."



The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and deci... read more

A book store.

Nothing. They're both wisecrackers.