UPJOKE

A Silly Jokes

English can be a silly language...

The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications (rather than German, which was the other possibility).

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling h...

My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...

So I called her Bluff...

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The guy with a silly mustache

A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells : “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”

A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin.

Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : “Who wer...

Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.

But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.

Who runs Mexican Amazon?

Jeff Pesos

It's a silly joke but I thought of it on my own today! I found a 200 peso bill on the ground today and I was saying pesos in different accents out loud with a coworker when the joke popped into my head. I don't think I've heard it anywhere before. After I got home and searched it h...

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A silly joke my grandpa used to tell me

A man is walking down a roadside when he sees a street vendor selling umbrellas. One of them catches his eye, so he walks over, points at the umbrella and asks, "How much for this one?"

"$20," the vendor says.

The man knew that an umbrella being sold on the street would barely last in ...

The result of a silly mistake...

Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!

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I have a silly friend named Oedipus...

He's a stupid motherfucker.

"Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is a silly name for a show; everyone wants to be a millionaire. The only people who don't want to be millionaires...

are billionaires.

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A woman joins a country club, and when she hears some guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."


He figures the early tee-time will discourage her. The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.


They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."


She's there at 6:30 am. sharp ...

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A silly old man came to my work and told me this joke and it stuck with me.

Out in the middle of the country was a general store.

A man was riding in one day and saw a dog sitting next to the door.

He walks by the dog and goes into the store to get what he needs.

After buying his items he asked the owner of the store if his dog bites strangers.
...

Gastroenterology Jokes

Looking for good GI jokes. That’d make a GI doctor laugh!

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Good ones I have

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A banana a day they said was good for cleaning the colon

It was a week before I realised you have to eat them

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what do you call a fake gluten intolerance?

a sill...

I saw a bird telling jokes by the pond

It was a silly goose

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An old woman walks into a bank

She asks for a meeting with the bank manager to set up an account. She explains that she wants to deposit five million dollars.

The bank manager says "If you don't mind my asking, where do you get all of your money?"

The old woman says "I'm a professional bettor."

"So like sport...

What Is The Difference Between A Tube And A Foolish Dutchman?

One is a hollow cylinder, and the other a silly Hollander.

Did you hear about the anti-gluten movement.

It's a silly act.

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The First

"Will I be the first to do this to you?" whispered the man after his bride-to-be finally consented to sex. "What a silly question," giggled the girl, "I don't even know what position you want to use yet."

A flute player walks up to their instructor….

They walk up and ask:

“How come I can’t get it to sound right? Sheesh I *suck*!”

Instructor looks at the student with a silly expression:

“Well there’s your problem your supposed to blow into the instrument!”

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My 80 yr-old uncle was caught planting secret listening devices in a hotel room while wearing a clown costume.

What a silly old bugger.

Batman and Robin get ready for patrol

Batman: You ready Robin?

Robin: I'm not sure about this costume Batman. It's so bright and red. And why do I have to wear a silly yellow cape?

Batman: Well, we're superheroes Robin. We got to dress the part.

Robin: I'm still not sure about this Batman. I mean, you aren't dressed...

Why was the iPhone wearing glasses?

It lost all its contacts.





Part of my WFH agreement is that I have to check in with my Director (I'm IT PM) every day, so rather than just saying "morning - I'm on!" I am sending her a silly IT joke :D Any good suggestions?

My girlfriend broke up with me for gaming too much...

What a silly thing to Fallout 4.

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I've just overheard my wife talking to her friend on the phone.

"I can't wait for Monday night, it's going to be the best sex ever!"

What a silly cunt.
Clearly she's forgotten that I'm going away on a business trip.

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My dick isn't a big or a small; it's a medium.

It gets much larger when a female ghost floats by.

Little Suzie, donned her skates...

Little Suzie, donned her skates,

Upon the ice to frisk.

What a silly girl she was,

Her little *

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One of my favorite jokes

One day, a woman, pregnant with triplets, had some business to do in the bank. Tough luck, 3 minutes into her conversation with an assistant, an armed robber barges into the bank. He was quickly apprehended, but he managed to fire three shots. Unfortunately, all of them hit her right in the belly....

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The elephant asked the camel

The elephant asked the camel: "Why do you have your breasts on your back?"

The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face."

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