UPJOKE

A Really Good Jokes

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"

The bartender considers it, then agrees.

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.

He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
...

Today's a really good day...

10/10

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I have a really good joke about pussy

... but redditors don't get it.

My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.”

He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

My ex girlfriend is a really good impressionist

She does everyone

I found a really good website for bipolar disorder.

Unfortunately it keeps going down randomly

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A really good one.

A reporter learns that the climate in Weissenbach is supposed to be so healthy that the majority of the population lives to be well over 90 and older. So she sets off there. Once there, she sees three elderly gentlemen sitting on a park bench and approaches them, saying to the first, "May I ask how ...

I have a really good joke about clouds.

But it would probably go over your head.

What's a really good joke?

>!Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down!<

I've just had to turn down a really good job offer, driving thirty world-famous circus clowns around on a UK tour next month.

I don't have a car small enough.

I have a really good joke about helium

But it'll get no reaction like my cake day.

What do you call a really good TikTok?

Vine.

I could tell you a really good science joke

But all of them argon

Did you hear about Salvador Dali’s brother who was a really good boxer?

His name was Muhamma

A really good bowel movement may not be the absolute greatest thing in the world

But it's a solid #2.

I was watching a really good documentary about Quantum physics the other day



But I decided to stop watching in case I affected the outcome

I have a really good relatipnship with the elevator operator.

We speak to eachother on so many different levels.

I'm a really good magician

But my dad was better. He disappeared when I was 4

What would you call Dobby, the house elf, if he were a really good speaker?

Dolby.

If anyone has a really good fish pun...

Let minnow

I just came up with a really good Schroedinger joke.

But I won't know if it's funny or not until you observe it.

What's a really good silverlining about getting a Divorce in Alabama?

When it's all said and done, you are still brother and sister.

I have a really good joke about the Jonestown massacre....

But the punchline is too long.

Popeye was a really good photographer, Because he was

“Popeye DSLR man!”

I've got a really good dad joke.

My girlfriend's pregnant and she thinks I'm going to stick around.

What does a cannibal call someone in a really good mood?

A happy meal

You may be a really good person deep down inside

But I dont carry a shovel

I posted a really good time travel joke next week.

It blew up!

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Me and my toilet have a really good relationship

I guess its because we've been through a lot of shit together

I just heard a really good joke about a giant squid

It's Kraken me up

I was gambling with a farmer last week and apparently had a really good hand, so good to the point that he bet his livelihood, all 397 of his cattle.

He really raised the steaks

I’m reading a really good book about vacuums

I’m just so sucked into it!

I had a really good discussion with my calculus professor today

but after a while, it started going off on a really weird tangent.

What do you call it when a British person takes a really good look at something?

A propaganda

After a really good party

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, You wanna hear a blonde joke?
The person replies, I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, w...

I was working a job on a boat transporting people and cars when a magical godmother with gossamer wings surprised me with a really good party for me with rides. Then I found out I still had to pay admission. It was only a couple bucks, though.

A Very Fair Fairy Ferry Faire Fare.

You know when you make a really good joke and you’re really proud because everyone laughs at it?

That’s probably how my parents felt

I know a really good reverend Jim Jones joke.

I'd tell it, but the punch line is too long.

My friend claims that he is a really good boxer.

He doesn't strike me as one.

How can you tell when you've found a really good rock n roll band in Minnesota?





They have two accordions

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[NSFW] Every morning at precisely 4am I wake up and give my cock a really good beating.

And yet the next day at 4am, he still "cockadoodledoos!"

My friend said he had a really good memory. I didn’t believe him and told him to prove it.

He told me about a time when he was 6 and wanted an N64 for christmas. On christmas morning he found an N64 and 3 games under the tree and was overjoyed.

I guess I was wrong. It was a pretty good memory.

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A married couple are in bed one morning.

"I had a really good dream last night,” says the wife. “I dreamt that I was at a penis auction. Long dicks were going for $100 each and thick dicks were going for $200.”

“Really?” says the husband. “What would mine have fetched?”

“They were giving dicks like yours...

I met a guy recently who was a really good runner, but could only win races in wet weather.

They call him the Raining Champion.

I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Karate, Taekwondo, and Jiu Jitsu

I think it has something to do with becoming a master Marshall artist

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