UPJOKE

A R Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redditor is searching for the funniest joke of all time, so he subscribes to r/jokes.

After a short while, and a few small chuckles, he realises he's reading the same shit over and over again, post after post.

"I'm never going to find a real joke", he thinks.

He sighs and tilts his head in dismay. Looking down he starts to read the thread and it hits him...

Wife of a r/jokes user gave birth to beautiful twins.

He held the first baby and his eyes watered up, his heart filled with joy witnessing this miracle. He was speechless.


Then the nurse handed him the second baby, he gave the baby one hard look and handing the baby back to the nurse he uttered a single word "Repost"

An original joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Welcome to /r/Jokes! I don't think I've seen you here before." Original joke replies...

"Don't worry. Within a week or two, I'll be a regular here!"

A redditor walks into r/jokes...

The redditor notices the subs new avatar and immediately leaves.

Say you're a r/Jokes member without saying you're a r/Jokes member

Ctrl + C

Ctrl + V

A tourist enters a pub where a r/Jokes convention is held

He walks to the bar and orders a beer. Meanwhile, the speaker on the stage approaches the microphone and says: "4032!"

Several people in the pub chuckle.

The man on stage then says, "351". Again, quite a few people in the pub chuckle.

Irritated by what he's witnessing, the touri...

I met a guy who was a r/jokes subscriber.

Funnily enough he remembers all the jokes he ever heard.

So I asked him, "How can you remember all the freakin' jokes?"

He replied, "Its hard to forget when you are reminded every minute."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mod at /r/winemaking dies.

Over at /r/winemaking, the mod died and the admins wanted to replace him with a winetaster. A blind drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. Fearing potential community backlash, the admin of the subreddit wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
...

A‌‌n America‌‌n soldier‌‌, servin‌‌g i‌‌n Worl‌‌d Wa‌‌r I‌‌I ha‌‌d jus‌‌t returne‌‌d fro‌‌m severa‌‌l week‌‌s o‌‌f battl‌‌e o‌‌n th‌‌e Germa‌‌n fron‌‌t lines.

Th‌‌e soldie‌‌r ha‌‌d bee‌‌n grante‌‌d res‌‌t an‌‌d relaxatio‌‌n an‌‌d wa‌‌s o‌‌n ‌‌a trai‌‌n tha‌‌t wa‌‌s boun‌‌d fo‌‌r London.

Th‌‌e trai‌‌n wa‌‌s ver‌‌y crowded‌‌, s‌‌o th‌‌e soldie‌‌r walke‌‌d th‌‌e lengt‌‌h o‌‌f th‌‌e trai‌‌n i‌‌n hope‌‌s o‌‌f findin‌‌g a‌‌n empt‌‌y seat.

Th‌‌e on...

Why did Death come to r/jokes looking for a redditor with the username Oast?

Like everyone here on r/jokes, he came to reap Oast.

I ap-p-p-p-lied for a j-job as a r-r-r-radio an-n-nouncer.

Sh-sh-shame on them, rej-jecting me because I'm b-b-b-black.

I'm a real big fan of the Skyline GT-R...

But I don't think looking up Nissan R34 is a good idea.

It's 2098, and a man is on r/Jokes.

The number of subscribed accounts has grown into the billions, but to the man's shock, the top-upvoted post of the day is simply the number "72,423".

When he goes into the comments section and asks what it is, he is promptly told that every joke has been told so many times, they've assigned n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three old men sitting on a bench (xpost from r/funny)

Theres three old men sitting on a bench, the first one says "I think I have the worst life here because I wake up at 8:00 and I can't piss!" The second one then says "I think my life is worse than yours because I wake up at 8:30 and I can't shit!" The third one finally says "Gentlemen I think my lif...

A Redditor opens r/jokes...

And finds the real jokes in the comments.

Why is r/Jokes like a fencing match?

... because you usually win with a riposte!


(This terrible pun is wholly original, so far as I know. Thus it will die in infamy without upvotes)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I tried following a recipe for a cheesecake from r/foodporn

The second last step was "Chill in the fridge for an hour".

I've got my beer and snacks but it's cold and fucking cramped in here.

What's the difference between a r/twoxchromosomes post, and the rest of Reddit?

About 2000 words.

What word starts with N, ends with R and is associated with a race?

NASCAR

Once upon a time, a Reddit lurker clicked on a joke in /r/jokes.

They weren't expecting to read that ultimately, their life is meaningless and that nothing they do matters in the grand scheme of things.

I saw a really funny joke on /r/Jokes a while back

Quite a while back actually.

Cake day joke: a redditor’s mom saw him sitting in the middle of the road, making a post to r/jokes. “What are you doing son?” she asked, appalled by his recklessness. “It’s my cake day, ma” said the redditor. “What does that have to do with being in the road?” his mom asked. The redditor replied….

I want to get hit with that karma.

So a Man visits r/jokes in 2025

All he sees are just numbers on posts. Confused he asked the admin why was that. The admin replied " We have been through every single joke in the world so now we are just replacing the entire jokes with numbers." After hearing this he decides to make a post. He typed in a random string of numbers a...

How do you turn a duck into a R&B Soul artist?

Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers.

Greta thunberg began screaming,

“I will not fly private!” She said to her manager as they pulled into the parking lot.

“The conference is two days away and across the ocean, would you like to fly coach?” He replied.

“On a commercial airline produced by slave labor? I don’t think so!” She screamed.

Her manag...

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