UPJOKE

A Naked Man Jokes

A naked man was walking down the street with a woman on his back

A bloke on the other side of the road asked, "Where are you going?"

The naked man replied, "To a fancy dress party."

"What as?" asked the bemused gentleman.

"A tortoise", said the naked man.

"Well, who is the woman on your back?" said the intrigued gentleman.

"Oh, ...

A naked man arrives at a party with a girl on his back.

“I am a turtle” he says.

“Who is on your back?”

“That’s Michelle”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were two statues in a park, one of a naked man, and one of a naked woman. They had been facing each other for a hundred years across a pathway, when one day an angel comes down, and with a single gesture brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits pati...

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally

caught him by the organ.

What did the Elephant say, when he saw a naked man?

How do you breathe thru something that tiny.

Walking in the woods, I encountered a naked man wearing a fine silk hat.

"Excuse me, sir, but why are you naked?"

"Well, why not? No one ever comes back here."

"Well in that case, sir, why the silk hat?"

"Well, you never know. Somebody might."

The Naked Hippie

This joke is one i came up with to annoy my wife. She hates it lol.

A naked man walks into a tailor's shop. The tailor screams at him. "Hey, get out of my store! You can't come in here like that." The man replies, "awww, c'mon dude....cut me some slacks."


The end

A naked man walks into a psychiatrists office.

The psychiatrist says to the naked man, "I can clearly see your nuts".

Three little old ladies were on a bench when a naked man walked by

The first little old lady... Had a stroke

The second little old lady... Had a stroke

But the third little old lady's arms weren't long enough to reach.

A naked man is walking down the street with a woman on his back...

A guy on the other side of the street yells at him, "Hey, what're you doing!?"

The naked man replies, "Don't get all upset. I'm headed to a costume party!"

"As what?" asks the guy.

"As a tortoise! Can't you tell?"

"Well, what's the woman doing on your back?"

"Oh, t...

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A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at night.

Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled. Both the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things done." The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the wish. The man and wom...

A naked man was arrested after stealing a bicycle and riding away on it.

Police impounded the bicycle, but worry that the evidence is tainted.

A naked man walks into his psychiatrist's office

and the doctor says “I used to think you were crazy, now I see you’re nuts.”

2 elephants were looking at a naked man

One asked the other "how does this dude drink water?"

A Nun walks into Hooters

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room...

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A naked man runs past me down the street...

Seeing this I yell "Oi you!"

He turns and reveals he's clutching a bag of cashews to protect his modesty.

"Are you fucking nuts?"

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2 guys are watching a naked man free fall from a cliff

one guy says: I thought he was crazy at first, but now I realise he has got balls of steel

the other says: Yes, i know. And its making him fall even faster!!


(original joke, hope you like!!)

An elephant stumbles upon a naked man in the savanna. As he has never seen a naked man before he thinks to himself, pitying: "That poor man."

"How is he going to get food in his mouth?"

A kid saw a naked man sunbathing.

He asked him, “what’s that?”.

He replied, “This is a bird, that’s it’s nest and these are its eggs. Now beat it kid I’m trying to catch some Z’s.”

And so the kid left.

The nudist sunbather wakes up in the hospital with the kid right next to him.

“Why am I here?”, he ask...

Two elephants see a naked man

Elephant: How is he still alive? I mean, can he even feed himself with THAT?

A truck driver sees a naked man tied to a tree off to the side of the road.

He pulls his rig to the side and approaches the man. The man says to him, "Oh, thank God you're here. I pulled into a gas station to get some gas. I was robbed at gun point, thrown into the trunk of my car and then driven here. Then they stripped me of all of my clothes, took my wedding ring and dro...

So a naked man is jumping...

qp db qp db qp db qp db qp db qp

Two elephants in the wild come across a naked man.

After a bit of thinking one elephant turns to the other and says "How the hell is he supposed to eat with THAT?!"

A naked man...

... was running outside and causing some pandemonium.

The police tried everything to get this man to stop: pepper spray, tazers, rubber bullets...nothing seemed to work.

With a big grin, one officer turned to the Chief and said, "I've got an idea...we spray him with Windex!"

Th...

A naked man walking through the jungle...

...when an elephant looks at him and says:
-How can you even breath through this thing?

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A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope.

The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house up on that hill.”

The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
“What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.

“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house,” the ma...

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Nuns see a naked man statue in the park!

So the man is about to have sex with his lady, he's naked and ready to go, when his lady says she has to have bubblegum. So he runs out butt-naked thru the park at night to the store, buys the gum, and is headed back thru the park when he sees three nuns coming. So he just stands on the side of the ...

How do you find a naked man in a nudist colony?

It's not hard.

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A man dies, and is sent to hell.

He meets up with the Devil and the Devil says “you know what, I’m feeling generous today. I’ll let you pick out your punishment. There are three doors here, and you must choose one. Since I’m feeling extra nice, I’ll let you see them first.”

The man goes up to door number one and sees a naked...

A woman calls the police on a naked man who stands in full view of her highrise window

A thread on r/ relationships today reminded me of this old joke:

A woman who lives in a high-rise calls the police because there is a man in a building across from hers who stands stark naked in front of his window for long periods every day.

A policeman comes out to corroborate her co...

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The exterminator

A man comes home from work early while his wife's lover is visiting. When she hears his car pulling up, she tells her lover "quick, go hide in the bathroom!" When husband comes into the bedroom, he sees that his wife is in bed, naked. Before he can react, she says "I've been waiting for you..." The ...

A naked man is walking through the streets in the middle of the night with nothing but cowboy boots on...

The local sheriff pulls up in his cop car.

‘’Sir, what are you doing?!’’ The cop says

‘’Well officer’’ replies the man ‘I met this sweet old lady at the bar earlier and she bought be a drink, we talked for a little bit, she told me to order another drink on her tab, so I did, she star...

An elephant and a naked man were standing next to each other...

The elephant says "It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?"

A naked man covered head to toe in saran wrap goes to see a psychologist.

A naked man covered head to toe in saran wrap goes to see a psychologist. He says, "Doc, something's wrong. I think I'm going crazy!" The psychologist replies, "Well I can clearly see your nuts."

A trucker is driving down the road late one night.

When he notices something wriggling on the side of the road. Curiosity gets the best of him, and he pulls over to investigate. Once he gets up close, he sees it is a naked man, bound, gagged, and left for dead. The trucker removes the gag, and the man immediately said "Oh thank God you stopped. I've...

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A virgin man and a virgin woman...

A virgin man and a virgin woman who never saw anyone from the other sex naked before, were riding on a camel through the desert. Then in the middle of the desert, the camel stopped walking and was tired, it was hungry, thirsty and there wasn’t any water or food. They waited for a while, but the came...

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Angel Came Down From Heaven…

An Angel came down from heaven and visited a park.
He saw two statues, one of a naked woman, and one of a naked man.
The statues were seperated, and looked like they had been seperated for a hundred years.
The angel took pity on them, he said to himself: why don’t I bring these statues to l...

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