What do you call a line of men waiting to get a haircut?

A barberqueue

While waiting in line at the entrance to a museum, my 16-year old daughter ran up to my wife and me and said, “Mom, Dad! We need to get a line form!”

Confused, I said “A line form?” She said, “Yes, I think you have to turn it in right over there before you can go in.” She pointed to the entrance.

That’s when I looked and saw the sign that said “Line Forms Here”.

True story. Bonus facts: She’s now a brilliant NICU nurse so she r...

A man is waiting in a line in the Soviet Union to get food

As he gets closer to the counter, he sees that most people are now walking away empty handed.

When his turn comes, he asks "Hi comrade, I assume you are out of fish?"
"No comrade, you are in the wrong place. We are out of meat. The store across the street is the one that is out of fish".

What do you get when you add a line between heroes?

Herpes

What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare line

Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, “If you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline...

I was surprised to learn that stepping on a crack really breaks your mama's back and stepping on a line really breaks your father spine

Unfortunately for me, my sister just stepped on a rock

What do you call conspiracy theorists in a line?

Queue Anon

At the pearly gates, a line of people wait to get into heaven. St Peter asks “what did you do for a living?”

The first man says “I was a doctor. I made sure people were healthy and saved lives a few times.”

St Peter says “great, come on in” and waves him through the gates.

The second man says “I was a bartender. It may not sound glamorous, but I listened to people talk about their problems a...

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In an attempt to make up for poor sales, the Willy Wonka company is branching out and making a line if chastity belts

They're calling them "Everlasting Knob Stoppers".

Did you hear the one about Jerry Lewis launching a line of clothes for frat boys?

He became a nutty 'bro dresser'

A man saw a line of people getting punched. When he investigated...

The puncher said, “this is the punch line.”

What do you call a line-up of dolls?

A barbeque.

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A line of four recently-deceased souls lines up at the gates of Heaven, awaiting their judgement...

St. Peter addressed the first man in line. “While you were alive all you cared about was getting drunk. You loved alcohol so much that you married a woman named Brandy.” St. Peter promptly turned the man away.
To the second man St. Peter said, “While you were alive the only thing you truly cared...

A man was in a line of patients trying to get his release from a mental institution.

He watched as the others went in to meet with the doctor and heard the questions the doctor asked, which were:


"point to your right arm", "point to your stomach", point to your toes", point to your knee," and so on. He saw which answers were correct, and which answers were wrong.

...

The Tempur-pedic Mattress company has come out with a line of breast implants...

...They're mammary foam.

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A man walks into a bar, pulls out a piece of chalk, and draws a line on the floor.

He then stood on the far side of the line and faced the door. People came in, took a look at him, and then walked around the line to go order their drinks. Eventually, a man walked in, approached the man, and stepped across the line.

Immediately, the first man took a swing and laid the second...

What do you get when you cross a waiter and a line cook?

A cold meal that tastes like loogies

I want to start a line of camouflage condoms

The slogan will be *”You’ll never see them coming!”*

What do you call it when a barbie toy is in a line for a grill?

A barbie-que

Ten chimpanzees are standing in a line.

The 1st, 3rd, 5th, and 7th chimps are asked to step forward.

They are the prime apes.

I was in a line at my local post office this morning when

two masked men entered.

TOTAL PANIC.

Then they said...this is a robbery.


We all calmed down

The William Shatner wanted to start up a line of female underwear.

Unfortunately "Shatner Panties" wasnt the greatest brand name.

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The Smith family name gets its origin from a line of blacksmiths. The Cobbler family name get its origin from a line of shoe repairmen.

What the hell was going on with the Dickinson family?

I told all my friends to stand in a line and punch me...

There is no punchline.

Never get stuck behind The Devil in a line at the DMV.

For The Devil can take many forms.

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Jim was feeling self-conscious so he wanted his wife to reassure him by proving she can pick his dick out of a line-up

He sets up a wall with 4 glory-holes. He and 3 of his friends each stick their dicks through one of the 4 holes. The wife takes a look at the 4 penises and says "Jim, your penis is number 3". She picked correctly. Jim pulls his dick out of the hole, runs to the other side of the wall and embrace...

There’s a group of funny people all in a line,

The one in the middle is a comedian.

When you average them all out, that’s the comean.
And those triplets at the end—they’re the comode.

How do you pick a stoner out of a line up?

You WEED them out!

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"

The third one was hit by the train.

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What is a line you can use in a job interview and during sex also

I have a habit of coming early

TIL that after recording for Mulan, Eddie Murphy designed a line of sneakers for cows.

They were called Moo Shoes.

If Elon Musk released a line of fragrances they would probably call it..

Tesla for Men or something like that

A woman in a park called 911. When the police officer arrived at the scene, he saw two men, standing on their hands, dashing towards a line painted on the ground. The police officer was livid at the woman having wasted his time.

"This ain't a scene," he said, "it's a goddamn arms race."

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My gf asked me if she could snort a line of cocaine on my erect dick,

I got so weirded out by this demand of hers that I had to dickline it.

Tesla is considering releasing a line of electric buses named after Egyptian gods.

It'll be A-new-bus.

Faucet manufacturer Pfister is expanding their business with a line of high tech toilets

The p is silent.

I had a punchbag suspended from the ceiling by a line, but the line snapped...

...I thought that's a terrible punchline.

A bank robber gets hold of the cash he needs but before fleeing the scene he demands the regular customers to stand in a line

The bank robber ask the first guy in line: "did you see what happened here?"

First guy: "I sure did! And I'm gonna tell the police exactly what happened and what you look lik..."
The bank robber shoots him in the head and ask the next in line the same question.

Second guy: "I assure...

If topography was converted to a line graph.

Then America peaked somewhere around the Rockies.

How long does it take to draw a line through a circle without going through the center?

About a secant

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A Muslim started a line of sex toys ...

He specializes in blow up dolls.

What do you call a line of people gathered to roast Justin Bieber?

Bieberqueue.

I developed a line of condition-specific get well cards for hypochondriacs with the theme " I had what you had..."

Only worse.

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A line of nuns are standing in front of the Bishop, and a large fountain of holy water...

One of the nuns approaches him and says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have laid eyes upon a man's penis."
The bishop tells her to absolve herself of her sins by washing her eyes in the holy water before resuming her duties.
Another nun then approaches and says "Forgive me father...

A man goes to the circus and sees a line of people.

A man goes to the circus and sees a line of people. It extends far into the distance. The man walks up to a person in the line and asks him,

"Sir, what is this line for?"

The person replies,

"Go to the front."

So the man walks up the line. and he keeps walking, and walkin...

TIL DNA was supposed to be a line

But things spiraled of control

Here's a line you wouldn't hear in a war film.

"I can't feel my legs!"

"That's because your arms were blown off."

To show off how wealthy he was, I saw a guy inhale a line of 24K gold dust

It was really Au inspiring.

Whats a line of Barbies called?

A barbiequeue

A tomato walks up to a bunch of fruits in a line

He says "Hey guys I'm a fruit, can I hang out with you?"

One turns to him and says

"No, this is the punch line"

What do you have when you get 32 rednecks in a line?

A full set of teeth

Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"

I couldn't if I tried.

A man is pulling a line of string along a sidewalk

A woman asks him as he walks near, "Excuse me, why are you pulling that string along?"

The man replies, "Have you ever tried to push a string?"

Why'd the blonde snort a line of Splenda?

She thought it was diet coke

What's the difference between a line of naked women and a magician?

Well, the magician has a cunning array of stunts...

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A line of nuns are waiting to get into heaven....

Saint Peter is there, ticking off names, a font full of holy water beside him.
As each nun gets to the front of the line, he asks her,

"While on earth, did you ever have contact with a penis?"

"No" of course is the majority answer.

Eventually, one admits, "Well, once I touch...

My girlfriend said there's a line on her pregnancy test.

Pretty odd place to do cocaine if you ask me.

Dont you hate it when a bunch of trashy women walk in a line and block off the sidewalk for everybody else?

I guess thats why they call it a horizontal line.

What do you call a line of iron cats?

A Feline...

Ask /r/personalfinance to draw you a line, they deliver a circle.

They always make ends meet!

So the other day I was standing in a line for an ATM...

There was an old lady there who looked like she had absolutely no clue what she was doing, after a bit of fumbling with the keys, she turned to me and said, "You look like a helpful young lad, Could you help me check my balance."
So I pushed her over.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apple wanted to introduce a line of phones specifically for children.

But they scrapped it, 'ITouch Kids' just didn't seem right.

Heard this somewhere a while back. Don't think it was here. Thought you guys might like it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Did I ever tell you guys about my idea for a line of sex toys marketed towards sleazy women?

I'm calling it "Toys for Thots."

Did you hear about the guy who needed to snort a line of baking soda every day?

He was basically addicted.

In Soviet Russia, a man is standing in a line to buy sausages...

He says: "That's impossible to stand for so long! I'm going to go and kill Stalin!". After an hour, he goes back. People asked him: "Did you kill Stalin?". He answered: "No, the line to kill Stalin was just longer"

The Vietnamese place on my street has soup so popular they make you stand in a line to get it.

It's a big pho queue.

What do you call it when a rabbit tactfully jumps in front of a line?

A nice hare cut

What do you get when you have barbie dolls standing in a line?

A barbie queue (BBQ)!
Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad.
http://imgur.com/gallery/he4epJo/

I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.

When I'm stressed I like to draw a line of trees, getting smaller as they reach the horizon

It really puts things in perspective

I made a line of soda called Bad Wifi

It's not doing so well, everyone keeps saying it isn't refreshing.

A man draws a line on the cement with chalk, he then thrusts his fists at it.

Thats the punch line.

There is a line at the pearly gates and St. Peter says,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, heaven has reached its capacity. We can only take in ten more souls, so we have decided to take the ten that have the most interesting story of their death."

Many souls tell their tales and St. Peter grants nine souls their entry. The very next soul that comes up has on...

A baseball player was hit in the head with a line drive yesterday...

today he's more open-minded

I hear Apple have released a line of people movers

They call it Ivan

[OC] What did the asian say when he saw a line at the local soup kitchen?

Ugh.... Pho queue...

A man starts a line of pickled venison ...

...the most popular flavor so far is dill doe.

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