UPJOKE

A Dna Jokes

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A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

How does a DNA molecule moisten a stamp?

Helix it.

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My doctor scheduled me for a DNA Screening...

I was asked for a blood sample, stool sample, urine sample , and semen sample...


... So I gave them my underpants.

Why did the blonde ask for a DNA test on her new baby?

She wanted to make sure it was hers.

A frog went for a DNA test...

The results came back 99.9% amphibian and a tad Polish.

Am I adopted?

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side o...

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Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

I made a DNA joke in my biology class but no one laughed.

Guess my thymine was off.

We did a DNA test on our bullfrog from Arkansas…

Surprisingly, it was about 80% French, 15% German, and a tad Pole…

I took a DNA test

Turns out, I am 70% water and 2% milk

Once I took a DNA test.

It was pretty hard but I think I passed.

how do you study for a DNA test?

highlight the answers with a genetic marker

I just took a DNA test, turns out, I'm 100%

going to jail for shoplifting.

What do you call emotions of a DNA?

Gene expressions

“Mom I think I’m adopted!”

Mom: No you’re not Nathan! Why would you say such a thing!?

Nathan: Well, I’ve just got the results back from a DNA test that I did and it says I’ve got no living relatives?!

Mom: This is nonsense, let’s show this to your dad…

Dad *walks in*: Well of course he’s not our son, don...

Beware of DNA tests!

In England, young Robert Keystone Townsend II, was given a DNA test from a friend for his birthday, which revealed a terrible family secret: His father was not his actual father, but still related somehow. When confronted with the question of why this horrible truth was hidden from him for so long, ...

A young couple has a new baby, but after a while the mother starts to think the baby doesn't resemble her or her husband . . .

She decides to get a DNA test done, and sure enough, the results come back that it is not their child.

"Honey, I don't know how to tell you this," she says to her husband. "The baby . . . she's not . . . ours."

"Yeah," says the husband.

"What do you mean, 'yeah'?" she says. "You...

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Did you know that Einstein married his Cousin

Did you know that Einstein married his Cousin,
Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage failed in 1919.?

At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa "because she was so well endowed".

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large mammary glands, the attraction...

A Canadian couple made province-shaped cookies

A baker in Canada thought it would be fun to bake cookies that were each in the shapes of Canada's provinces and territories.

"These look delicious," said her husband.

"Thanks!" she said. "And don't worry, I've made some of each shape so you're able to eat them."

"What do you me...

Levels of stress.

1) You pick up a hitchhiker, A beautiful young girl. Suddenly she faints inside your car. You take her to the hospital.

-Stressful

2) But hospital says she is pregnant and you are going to be a father. You swiftly say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are!!

-Ver...

What’s the only test a person with Down syndrome does well on?

A DNA test, they get a 47 out of 46.

After 10 years of raising their child

, the mother notices that the kid looks different.

So, she decided to do a DNA test.

The results come out, and show that the child isn't theirs.

She tells her husband, "I have some terrible news, dear. This is not our baby!".
The husband replies, "yes, do you not remember?...

Once there was a foster kid named Jumprope

No one through YEARS of guessing and thinking could figure out why on earth his birth parents would give him such a dumb name. They finally figured out why when he took a DNA test to figure out his ancestry, both of his parents were from the Netherlands. He was double dutch.

A highly suspicious couple are trying to have a baby

When the woman finally falls pregnant, they visit the doctor for some check ups. While there, the man asks the doctor how he can be sure that he’s the father.
“We can do a DNA test.” The doctor replies.

“And how do I know I’m the mother?” The pregnant woman asks.

“We can do an IQ te...

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After 10 years...

After 10 years, a mother realizes her kid looks a little funny and gets a DNA test done. Surprise, it's not her child! She tells the husband, who calmly replies, "What, you don't remember?" The wife shakes her head worriedly, hoping her husband's answer will fill in the gap. He says to her: "When we...

An Asian American man is curious about his lineage

An Asian American man is curious about his lineage. He decides to find out more about his biological parents. His adopted parents always told him that he was born in China, so he starts there.

He digs around and tries to find out more about his parents. He searches for any information regardi...

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Johnny’s mom was worried he didn’t look like anyone in their family.

After months of thinking about it, she finally decides to have a DNA test. She’s devastated to find out that her son is a zero percent match to her and her husband and goes to her husband to tell him.

“Hunny, Johnny is a zero percent match! He is not our son.”

“I know that!” ...

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Dad-Son

Dad: There's this test we need to go for.
Son: You never told me earlier! I'm going to fail now.
Dad: It's a DNA test. You have to pass.

Lawyer goes to jail to confer with his client. Lawyer says: "Joe, I've got some good news and some bad news."

Lawyer: The bad news is that they did a DNA analysis of the blood found at the crime scene and you're going to charged with triple homicide.

Prisoner Joe: What's the good news?

Lawyer: Your cholesterol is down to 200.

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