UPJOKE

A Class Jokes

While teaching a class,

A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:


"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"


Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."


The te...

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings

The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”.

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, “if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him...

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There were three hellions in a class

They were so bad that teachers kept quitting. The principle got so frustrated she hire a retired female marine Sargent to teach the class and gave her authority to go whatever it took to control the three kids. The first day of the school year she walks into the class room and asks the three to step...

A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project

For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.

"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.

"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.

Student: *raises hand*

Professor: Yes?

Student: 1 Earth

I taught a class on invisibility once

Nobody showed up.

I took a class on 'The Silence of the Lambs'

It was a Hannibal lecture.

Three men at a class about etiquette...

...are asked how they would tell a woman on a first date that they need to use the bathroom.

The first one shrugs. "Easy. I just tell her: Sorry, but I gotta go to the toilet."
The teacher shakes his head disapprovingly. "No, no, way too blunt."

The second one goes: "Well, everyo...

An RAF veteran is giving a talk about the war to a class of school children

and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.

"So there I was, escorting the bombers to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one wa...

If you see a class being taught by Gandalf, avoid it.

Because
#**YOU SHALL NOT PASS!**

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention

So she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."

Johnny asks the teacher, "If yo...

A class comes in from recess and is given a spelling test.

"Jimmy, what did you do during recess" asks the teacher. "I played in the sandbox with Sally" says Jimmy. "That's great! If you can spell 'sand' on the board, you get a cookie!" Jimmy does and gets his reward.

"Sally, what did you do during recess?" "I played in the sand box with Jimmy!" "Wo...

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Kids in a class are learning how to use the word “definitely”

One girl says “the sky is definitely blue” that is wrong

One boy says “the leaves are definitely green” that is wrong

One boy asks “are farts lumpy?”

The teacher says no,

He says “then I definitely shit my pants”

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A class of school children are playing a game

They are blindfolded and given a piece of food which they then eat and try to guess what it is.

They guess the first food, chocolate and they guess the second food, banana but they all get stuck on the third one, honey

The teacher tries to help them out and says "it's something your da...

I’m a class act

But my wife is an ovary act.

A teacher is teaching a class of kids about intelligence

She explains what intelligence is and then

Teacher: people opposite to intelligent are called stupid. Now how many of you think of yourselves as stupid, stand up.

She waits to see if someone would stand up but no one does. After a long while, finally a kid stands up.

Teacher: Do...

Jim Just Started a Class on Logic

On the Friday before the first weekend of the semester, the Professor announces that there will be a quiz the following week, and it will be a surprise. By a "surprise", he clarifies that while he knows when the quiz will be, the students **will not know** which day the quiz will be ahead of time, s...

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Johnny was sitting in a class......

Johnny was sitting in a class doing math problems and his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four...

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A suicide bomb instructor is training a class.

Ok!! Everybody! Pay very close attention now! I can only demonstrate this once!!!

A teacher in a class asks, "How much is a gram?"

Answer from the back comes "Depends on what you want"

A substitute teacher is calling roll for a class and notices a few kids are missing.

One boy comes in 5 minutes late. The sub asks "Where have you been?". "I was on top of Cherry Hill" responds the boy. The sub marks him late and the boy takes his seat.

Another boy comes in 5 minutes later. The sub asks "Where have you been?". "I was on top of Cherry Hill" responds the boy. T...

I once took a class on trapping animals

To trap a bear, you dig a huge pit, at least 10 feet deep and 10 feet in diameter. Then you go and find as much deadfall as you can and bring it to the pit. You light that on fire and let it burn to ashes.

Next you line a row of peas along the perimeter of the hole. Once that is done, hide b...

I took a class about spiders

thanks to the pandemic, it was on the web

What's the difference between the jokes on r/jokes and a class full of antivax kids?

You won't see the kids again next year.

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Little Johnny was participating in a class activity.

The teacher went around asking her students to use random words she gave them in a sentence.
Johnny was asked to use the word facinate in a sentence.
He scratched his head and wondered for a minute then said, "my mom bought me a shirt with 10 buttons but I could only facinate."

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During a class on good manners...

and etiquette being held at an all boys school the teacher says to her students:

“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the restroom, what would you say to her?”

Little Mike replies: “Wait a minute, I got...

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I told a Chemistry Joke to a class.

But the students were so dumb, I saw no reaction.

A class is working on antonyms

A teacher asks a child what the antonym for peace is, he doesn't respond. When the teacher asked what's wrong, the child replied, "Violence is never the answer".

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A 2nd Grade Teacher's Class

A 2nd grade teacher is having a class one day and she says to the kids in the room "Class, today we are going to find out what your dad's do for a living. I want you to say what he does, spell it and if he were here today what he would do for us."

Mary, jumps up and raises her hand quickly, s...

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