UPJOKE

A Box Jokes

PETA is like a box of chocolates

They kill dogs

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A man enters a pharmacy and orders a box of Viagra

The pharmacist asks for about 10€ and gives him the meds. He opens the box, takes one, and pulls out a 500€ note to pay. The pharmacist doesn't have enough change to give him, so he offers to go to the bakery next door to get some bread and try to get the money changed and swiftly comeback.

I...

Life is like a box of chocolates

**It doesn't last long for fat people**

What’s worse than a box full of snakes?

A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.

I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.

I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

My girlfriend was really angry when I gave her a box of photos of all her old boyfriends for her birthday.

I don't know why, she said she wanted an ex box.

My Ex reminds me of a boxing ring.

It’s not unusual to find three men inside her.

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Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use the...

she wants a box of condoms

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Lady...

A couple have been married 25 years, and one day, the husband found a box in the attic with three bonnets and $2,500.

He asked his wife and she responded, "Every time I got mad at you, I knitted a bonnet." The husband was proud that in 25 years, he had only angered his wife three times.

"OK," he said, "that explains the bonnets, but what about the $2,500 dollars?"

The wife smiled and said, "That's mon...

Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes

As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.

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A man walks in to a bar with a box under his arm and says to the barman, “If I can show something you have never seen before will you give me a free drink?”

Now the barman has seen mostly everything in his time and says, “Sure, impress me and hell, I’ll give you a free tab for the eve!” So the man puts down the box and opens it and then he pulls a small piano out of it and places it on the bar and then a little man as well. The little man walks up to ...

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Guy walks into a bar with a box under his arm, sets it on the bartop and orders a beer. Curious, the bartender asks about the box and the man replies 'it's my pet octopus. He just got done teaching music lessons so I stopped in for a drink on the way home.'

Bartender doesn't believe it and asks for proof.
"Sure," the man says. "bring me any instrument, and this octopus will play it beautifully."

Bartender produces several instruments from behind the bar, and the man opens up the box, sets the octopus on the bar and it immediately begins playi...

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what's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts?

One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them.

What do the NBA and a box of crayons have in common?

The whites are useless.

My momma said "Life is like a box of condoms..."

Runs out faster than you expect, and your mistakes will outlive you.

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before land...

What will a cat say when it get stuck in a box?

LET MEOW!

my family is like a box of cereal

Those who aren't nuts or fruits are flakes

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I ordered a box of dildos for my wife for her birthday.

When it arrived, she jumped frightfully when she opened the box. Guess you could say I gave her a case of the willies.

A man went to the register with only a box of condoms.

The cashier asked 'Sir, do you want a bag?'

He replied 'No thanks, she's not that ugly'

A good analogy is like a box of chocolates-

you never know when you’re going to get a mixed metaphor.

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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-balls and a ball of string on the counter.
The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my w...

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life is NOT like a box of chocolates.

its more like a jar of jalapenos: what you do today can burn your ass tomorrow.

What do you call wine that comes in a box?

Cardboardeaux

How many dwarves can fit in a box?

I'm not sure you should ask Snow White

My Ex-Wife was like a box of chocolate

Everyone got a piece

What's dumber than a box of rocks?

...the hippie trying to sell them



and that my friends, as a geologist, is my favorite rock joke.

A Cheerio sat at the bottom of a box of cereal,

but he longed to get to the top of the box. He had heard at the top of the box, there was a huge party, and he wanted to be a part of it.

So one day, he began climbing. He climbed over the other Cheerios, and gradually got his way up the box.

It took a lot of trying and determination, ...

life is like a box of chocolates....

it is destroyed remarkably fast by an emotional woman.

Why do you never have to buy a box of eggs in France?

Because one egg is always un oeuf

Me: A box of condoms, please.

Cashier: That’ll be $3.99. Do you want a bag with it?
 
Me: Nah I’m OK. She’s actually quite pretty.

What's a box of Kleenex favourite spa treatment?

Deep tissue massage

the waitert asked me if i wanted a box for my food

i said no but ill wrestle you for em!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A few weeks ago I ordered a box to store my money and a set of speakers online.

They arrived today, safe and sound.

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An astronomy teacher prepared two boxes filled with joke cards. The first box was designed with asteroids and the second one with comets. He then let one of this students pick a box...

The student picked the one designed with asteroids. He pick one card and read the joke out loud to the class. The class, however, doesn't find the joke funny. Seeing this, the professor made the student pick another card on the same box. Same thing happened. The confused student look at his teacher ...

A boxing match is about to start..

A boxing match is about to start.

An ex-criminal steps on the scale and weighs in at 90kg.

Next up.. a professional athlete weighing in at 85kg.

Gotta weigh the pros and cons

Edit but not actually an edit : it's dumb, I'm aware

What do you call a vampire that defecates in a box?

Vladimir Poo-Tin.

A Journalist Visits a Boxing Gym...

A reporter for a well known New York newspaper was visiting a boxing gym, to investigate the importance of boxing to New York's culture. This gym had a reputation for producing some of the toughest boxers in today's game, but no one knew how. To get the most authentic story possible, he signed himse...

What do you call the queue to a boxing match?

The punchline

A man with dementia joined a boxing club

I forgot the punchline

At the request of my wife, I have placed an order for a box of ants to be shipped from Italy...

She said we need more Rome ants in our relationship.

Have you read the nutritional information on a box of Fruit Loops?

You're better off eating the toucan.

Today I was given a box of Jamaican hair extensions....

It was dreadful

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What do you call a box of viagra pills?

An expansion pack.

There was a mohel who had the odd habit of keeping the foreskins in a box in a closet.

One day he noticed that they'd naturally tanned into very supple leather, so he took the boxful to a bag maker, to see if anything could be done with them. The craftsman told him to return in a month.

When he did, he was presented with a shaving kit.

"All of that leather, and this was ...

What does a boxing comedian need?

A good punchline.

What do you call a chav in a box?

Innit.

What do you call a chav in a locked box?

Safe.

Could you imagine taking a punch from someone that played Muhammad Ali, a boxing legend, in a movie??

Chris got lucky it was just a slap! Good thing Will's fist was as open as his marriage.

Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Hellen Keller with a Tommy gun?

Mike Tyson, Hellen Keller never heard the bell

Me as a server in a restaurant: "Do you wanna box for the rest of this food?"

Guest says yes, so I start to put on my gloves

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What do a prostitute and a box of chocolates have in common?

They're both full of assorted creams

Whilst clearing out the shed I found a box full of dead batteries.

I’m giving them away free of charge

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Three inmates on the way to prison…

Three inmates were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended t...

Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.

Einstein opens his eyes and sa...

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