UPJOKE

A Black Guy Jokes

A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printers were.

I said, "Dude, it's 2021, you can use any printer you want."

A girl takes a black guy home.

At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.

They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"

To which the man responded "Of...

A black guy and a white girl are at a party

A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

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A Black Guy, a Japanese guy, a Chinese Guy, an Arab, a Turk and a second Black guy walk into a bar

The Arab guy sits down at the bar and subsequently, he gets served first.

The bartender says, "what'll it be?"

The Arab guy says to him, "I think I'll get a Mich Ultra. Nothing too high calorie; I'm actually trying to lose a few pounds for the upcoming charity 5k next month."

Th...

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won.

I replied, "Yeah, man, you're free."

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

So a black guy walks into a bank

All dressed in black and says "I'm looking for a job!"

The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"

The black guy says "You're joking."

The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"

What do you call a black guy with Parkinson's?

A chocolate shake.

A black guys walks into a bank...

... says "I'm looking for a job!"

The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"


The black guy says "You're joking."


The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"

A black guy applied for a job at the LAPD

He got shot down

A black guy dies & finds himself at the Pearly Gates with St. Peter....

SP: Before I allow you to enter Heaven, you must tell me something truly extraordinary about your life.

BG: Sheeet, no problem. I was a star NFL QB for 15 years!

SP: One of many. What else?

BG: I have 2 Super Bowl rings & 3 MVP trophys!

SP: These things do not impress...

How many cops does it take to push a black guy down the stairs?

None, he “fell”

What do you call a black guy who studies rocks?

a geologist, you racist!

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So a black guy and a Latino guy and an Asian guy are all walking together!

A man walks up to them with a knife and says “if your dick sizes don’t add up to 20 inches, then you’re all getting stabbed”. The black guy pulls it out and it’s 12 inches. The Latino guy pulls it out and it’s 7 inches. The Asian guys pulls it out and it’s 1 inch. The man with the knife says “you’re...

Theres a guy at the urinal having a leak. A black guy rushes in to the urinal beside him.

He looks over and says to the guy beside him "Wow, I just made it."

The other guy looks down at the black guy and says to him "Can you make me one in white?"

A black guy was pulled over in his Mercedes by the police. It was found that it was his, it was taxed and insured...

He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.

In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".

A black guy and a white girl hookup at a club...

And after a while of dancing and drinks both were getting eager to get under the sheets. They drive back to the girls place and just as the guy was taking out his package, the girl asked "is it true about what they say about black guys?" And he whispered in her ear "you bet it is", he then continued...

A black guy walks into a bar with a huge parrot on his shoulder.

Barman says “Oh wow I’ve never seen one like that before, where did you get him from?”

Parrot says “Africa, there’s loads of them over there”

A black guy loses a middle finger in a work accident.

The surgeon tells him: "I'm sorry but I cannot attach your original finger due to the damage. However, I can attach one from a dead person. The thing is, I only have fingers from white people available."

The black guy says it's no problem, as long as he can use all fingers again.

Surge...

A white guy, a black guy, and a mexican guy applying for the same job......

The boss looks over their resumes, sees they are all equally qualified, and can't decide who to hire. He decides to give them a test.

Boss: Fellas, I can't decide who gets the job, you are all equal in
every way. So here's a question, whoever gives me the best
an...

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A Jew, an Italian, and a Black guy at recess [Possibly NSFW and offensive]

Once, there were three third graders. One was Italian, one was Jewish, and one was Black. They were at recess. They were also good friends.

"Whaddya wanna play?", the Black guy said.

"Uh...soccer", the Jew said.

"I can't run. Remember my leg?", the Italian guy said.

"How ...

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A white and a black guy are standing in front of a gun store...

The black guy says: "I'm just gonna buy something in there. You can just wait here.".

The black guy comes to the counter and asks the shopowner: "Do you have any rifles?" the owner says:"No". The black man then asks: "Do you have any revolvers?" the owner again says: "No". The black guy makes...

I saw a black guy riding a bike yesterday...

Thought it was mine.
Then i checked the garage and it was still there chained up, asking for food

Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...

So, in fear it had been stolen, I ran home to check. To my relief, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

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A black guy gets a flat

So he pulls over on the side of the road. He takes the jack out of the trunk and lifts the car up with it. Halfway through removing the wheel, another guys runs up with a screwdriver and starts removing the radio in a hurry. The black guy asks him "What the fuck are you doing?", to which the other r...

Saw a black guy walking the streets carrying a tv and I thought "is that one mine"?...

... then I remembered it couldn't be mine because mine was mowing the lawn at the moment.

What is the difference between batman and a black guy?

Batman can walk into a store without Robin

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Whats it called when a black guy has erectile dysfunction?

Black cock down

What's long and hard on a black guy

His prison sentence

I hope this hasn't been said before, I half came up with this all by my lonesome

My wife slept with a black guy from Thailand.

It was a black Thai affair.

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It's ok, a black guy told me this

A little black boy, pretending to be white, covers his face in flour. He goes over to his father and says, "Daddy, Daddy! Look I'm white!"

The father, with a quick smack says, "Boy! Go show yo mother"

The boy runs over to his mother and exclaims, "Mommy, Mommy! Look I'm white!"

...

A Black guy and a Jewish guy walk into a bar in Georgia. The bartender asks ...

"What can I get you Senators?"

"Just ice," they replied.

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A white guy and a black guy are taking a shower.

The black guy sees the white guy’s willy has the letters “Wy” on the side.

“Can I just ask you,” the black guy says, “why do you have “Wy” on the side of your willy?”

“Well,” says the white guy, “when it’s erect, it spells “Wendy”, my girlfriend’s name. Your willy also has “Wy” on it. ...

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A rabbi, a priest, and a black guy are on an airplane...

The plane is full of kids but only has 2 parachutes. The black guy grabs one and bails immediately.

Rabbi: Give me the last parachute!

Priest: But what about the kids?

Rabbi: FUCK THE KIDS!

Priest: Do we have time?!

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A Mexican guy, a black guy, and a Jewish guy are arguing in a bar...

about their sexual prowess. Eventually, they decide the only way to settle the argument is with a bet - whoever can make their wife scream the longest wins.

The next day they come back to the bar, and the Mexican guy says, "Lo siento, amigos - but I won this bet. I went home and fucked my wi...

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A black guy and a white guy walk into a bar

The white guy says “let’s go inward”
The black guy says “What the fuck did you call me?”

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, whose driving?

The cop....

If a black guy is in hiding

He has gone incog-negro.

I was walking down the street one day in New York City when I was approached by a black guy. He asked me "Did the Yankees Win?"

I said "Well yeah, you're free"

I saw a black guy running down the street carrying a tv

I thought for a second, "man that looks a lot like mine' so I ran home quick and nope there was mine still shining my shoes.

How do you stop a black guy from jumping on a bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

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A black guy walks into an elevator.

A skinny white guy enters a elevator. He presses floor No.4, and waits for him to arrive. The elevator stops at floor No.2, and a huge, muscular black guy comes in and stands in front of him. The white guy stares him down. The black guy, already knowing what he would ask, says "6'9, 250lbs, 20 inch ...

A black guy and a white guy walk into a bakery...

The black guy goes up to the counter, steals 3 pasties without getting caught, and he puts them in his pocket.


He says to the white guy 'did you see that, he didn't even notice'


'Oh yeah?' the white guy responded 'watch this'


He goes up to the counter, takes three p...

I killed a black guy....

I thought I would get arrest for murder, but I got arrest for impersonating a cop.

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A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder

... approaching the bar, the bartender asks "What can I get for you?"

Immediatedly the parrot squaks and says "Two Budweisers please and a round of drinks for the ladies at the end of the bar".

Totally impressed, the bartender replies "Holy shit, thats amazing, where did you get it?"<...

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What do you call a black guy with one leg?

Whatever his name is, you racist piece of shit

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A black guy, Jew and a homosexual walks into the bar

What a fine example of an integrated community

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An Italian, a Swiss and a black guy are sitting at the river...

The Italian guy hangs his penis in the water and says: "With my penis alone I can tell that the water is about 20 degrees".
The Swiss guy follows. "I can do better. My penis tells me the water is actually 23.5 degrees".
The black guy also hangs his penis in the water. "Well, my penis tells me ...

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A black guy walked into the Bar...

Exam with great confidence aced that shit and is now a very successful lawyer.

Get your heads right people sheesh.

Woman meets a black guy at a bar

They talked for a while then she invited him to her apartment and said: "I want you to show me if what they say about black men is true ;)"

So he stabbed her and took her purse.

A black guy, a Turkish guy and a moroccan guy are sitting in a car. Who's driving?

The cops.

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A black guy, a jew and a white guy are on a plane.

The plane starts jolting up and down. It starts slowly falling towards the ground. The pilot tells the passengers to throw something off the plane that they have too much of.

Hearing this, black guy throws half his penis.

Seeing what the first guy did, the jew throws the tip of his no...

White woman takes a black guy home from the bar

Once they step into her house:


Woman: (shyly) So...is true what they say about black guys?


Black guy: Yes.


Then he stabs her and steals her purse.

What did Justin Trudeau say to a black guy?

"You must tell me who does your makeup, its really well done!"

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A white guy and a black guy are next to each other at the piss trough...

The white guy looks over and notices the black guy's cock. He goes, "Hey man, you've got a great looking cock. How do I get mine to look like that?"

Black guy is shocked but decides he's gonna mess with the white guy. He says, "Oh thanks. I'll tell you my secret: Every morning, I wake up and ...

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A black guy and a white guy

A black guy and a white guy worked together for several months, and the black guy noticed the white guy was always in a good mood, smiling and whistling every morning. He finally asked him why he was so happy all the time.

“Oh, Its because I make love to my wife every morning.”

“Ever...

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How does one respond to a black guy sending you a dick pic?

TL;DR

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A black guy, white guy, asian guy and hand puppet are sitting in a bar...

The black guy says, "You know the thing about dating black girls? They're crazy in bed, but you can never trust them around other guys."

The white guy says, "White girls are cute, but they're always spoiled and high-maintenance."

The asian guy says, "Asian girls are intelligent, but th...

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A black guy, a white guy, and a Chinese guy...

Get a job on a construction site.
One day the foreman has to keep an early appointment, so he leaves the black guy and the white guy in charge of building, and leaves the Chinese guy in charge of supplies.
Hours later, the foreman returns to find the black and white guys standing around, and...

A black guy goes into a bar

A black guy walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar. The white guy he sat next to says, "Hey! No colored people allowed in this bar!"
The black guy turns to him and says, "Excuse me? When I was born, I was black.
When I'm sick, I'm black.
When I'm cold, I'm black.
When I'm hot, I'...

The other day I saw a black guy walking near my house carrying a laptop...

I panicked a little, thought it could be mine – so I ran home quickly. I was relieved as I saw mine was still there.

Wiping the floor.







I hope this doesn’t get banned as^you ^know ^it's ^kinda... ^^dark

How do you starve a black guy?

The same way you starve anyone else , you racist.

A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican...

So there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof appears the genie! The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish...

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A black guy, a Jew, a Mexican, and a racist white Southerner are waiting at a bus stop...

...when all of a sudden a genie comes along. He says, "Well, we've got some time before the bus comes so why don't I grant you all one wish."

So the Jew pipes up and says, "My one true wish is that all of my people be able to live in peace together in Israel." The genie snaps his fingers, a...

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The Pope visits Alabama and sees two white guys pulling a black guy out of a river on a rope.

The pope orders the pope-mobile to stop and he gets out to praise the two guys for such an act of kindness and for breaking down racial boundaries in this modern society. He blesses the two men and says he will see them in heaven.
&nbsp;

Cletus turns to Bobby Joe and asks *“who the fu...

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A black guy, a Mexican guy, and a white hillbilly are the only survivors of a plane crash in the Nevada desert.

As they attempt to walk back to civilization, they come across a genie lamp.

The genie pops out and offers to grant them each one wish.

The black guy steps forward and says "My people have been enslaved for centuries and oppressed for all of our history. We are treated like second-cla...

A black guy and a ginger get in a fight

The two are fighting with just words at first, but then push comes to shove and the black guy shoves the ginger into the edge of a table. His back snaps and he immediately falls unconscious.

The ginger is taken to hospital in critical condition, but doesn't survive. The locals wish that they...

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A white guy and a black guy are at a urinal.

As the white guy is peeing, he's looking at the tattoo on his dick. It's the letters W and Y. Then he glances over and notices the black guy has the exact same one.

They zip up and the white guys says: I noticed you have WY tattooed on your dick. So do I. Mine is because my girlfriend's name ...

I just saw a black guy running down the road with a Cape on

I shouted, "Are you a Superhero?".

He said, "No, I haven't paid for my haircut!".

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A Black guy arrives at Heavens Gates...

The man is worried that due to his race, they might discriminate and not let him in. So when he walks up to the pearly gates he decides that at the very least, to better his chances to get in, he can change his name to that of a white person.

"Name?" asks St. Peter

The man searches for...

A black guy at the cinema told me (a white guy) I wasn't allowed to watch Black Panther.

Apparently I have to "buy" a "ticket"

What's faster than a black guy running with a stolen T.V.?

His brother with the DVR

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A redneck, a black guy, and a Mexican are sitting at a bus stop...

...when a genie appears out of nowhere in a cloud of smoke. "You each get one wish," says the genie. The black guy says, "I wish for all my black brothers and sisters to be in Africa, where the land will nourish us and all Africans can prosper." The genie waves his hands, and all the blacks leave Am...

A mexican guy, a black guy, and a white guy are all walking down a beach when they find a magic lamp...

So they rubbed it and a genie pops out, tells them they get 1 wish each.

The mexican guy goes 1st and says: "I wish that my homeland is rid of all hardships so all my people in the USA can move peacefully back to Mexico." and poof! The wish is granted.

The black guy goes next and says:...

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A White guy, a Black guy and a Mexican are out in a boat fishing

when a big storm blows up and threatens to sink them.

The men begin praying, and the storm disappears.&nbsp; They look up and see Jesus walking towards them across the water.&nbsp; Jesus says to the men, "Because of your faith, I will heal each of you."

Jesus turns to the White...

What's the difference between a black guy and a bench?

The bench can support a family.

I was walking in the Bronx when a black guy stopped me and said, “Hey man, did the Yankees win?”

I said, “Yes, Of course. The South is still fighting over confederate statues though.”

A black guy sees an ad in the paper...

...that says, "Come and enjoy a relaxing afternoon floating down the river followed by a champagne party!" Well, the guy thinks this sounds pretty good and so heads on down to the marina. But as soon as he gets there, 3 white guys jump out of the bushes. They strip him naked, tie him to a log and th...

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A Jewish Guy, a German Guy, and a Black Guy walk into a bar...

The three of them sit down and order a round of drinks. After awhile, they notice this extremely old man sitting at the end of the bar and one of them says "Wow! That man looks so old, he might be Jesus!"

Another guy calls the old man over and says "We want to buy your a beer. You look so old...

A black guy walks into a bar

and asks for a drink.
Bartender: I like your accent, where are you from?
Guy: I'm Liberian!
Bartender:
&nbsp;
^^^*Oh* ^^^*sorry.* ^^^*I* ^^^*like* ^^^*your* ^^^*accent* ^^^*where* ^^^*are* ^^^*you* ^^^*from?*

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