UPJOKE

A Bed Jokes

What do you call a boy cat sleeping on a bed?

Himalayan.

*Be gentle. First post on here!

Three people in a bed is called a threesome

Two people in a bed is called a twosome.
Now you know why people call you handsome.

When does a fish become a bed?

When it’s cot

I used to work as a bed salesman

One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover cop.

What's a quick and easy way to turn a sofa into a bed?

Forget your other halfs birthday

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My aunt recently decided to turn her home into a bed-and-breakfast.

I guess she woke up one day and said, "Not enough strangers are fucking here."

Brazilian Hell

A man dies and goes to hell...

There, he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks,

"What do they do there?"

He is told: "First, they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another...

Two guys sittin in a bed

6 ft apart cause they respect social distancing

Three guys are sharing a bed at a sleepover

When they wake up, the first guy says, "I had a wierd dream, I dreamt that someone beat my meat."


The guy on the left says, "Me too!"


The guy in the middle goes: "That's funny, I dreamt that I was skiing, but the snow was hot and sticky!"

what do you get when you cross a hippo and a bed?

a new bed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys awake after a night of sharing a bed

The guy on the rightmost side looks over to the other two, and says,
"I had the weirdest dream last night, I dreamt that I was getting jacked off!"
He looks down, and surely enough, there's cum stains.
The guy on the leftmost side exclaims,
"Weird! I had the exact same dream..."
He l...

What do you call three logs in a bed?

A Treesome

I was really embarrassed when my wife walked in on me playing with my son’s train set by myself, so in a moment of panic, I threw a bed sheet over it...

I think I managed to cover my tracks...

Three Guys in a Bed

Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed.

In the morning, the guy on the right said, "I had this great dream last night that a girl gave me a hand job"

The guy on the left replied "That's weird so did I."

Finally, the guy in the middle said "Lucky for ...

A guy driving a Kia.

A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce...

The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!"

The driver of the Rolls looks over and says s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two turds on a bed.

One is dancing, giving it all and throwing victory shapes.
"Why are you in such a good mood?" asks the other, "we're pieces of shit!".
"Ah, well I just got laid"

I have a fondness for "technically true" jokes, like these:

Did you know that the average person has an above-average number of legs? After all, most people have two legs, while a few have none.


Did you know that if you shuffle a deck of cards, the resulting order has likely never existed before in the history of the universe?



Eve...

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