UPJOKE

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I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

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A woman's asshole is like a 9-volt battery.

You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're going to put your tongue on it.

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What does a 9 volt battery and a woman’s arsehole have in common?

You know it’s wrong, but sooner or later you’re going to stick your tongue on it.

A man working a 9-5 office job starts feeling worthless and decides to make a career change into the adult film industry

He starts off with vanilla stuff and builds up his self-esteem. He then decides to go for the more fetishized stuff and gets cast making incest films as the role of step-dad.

He wakes up one day and realizes how happy he's become since he started coming into his own.

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What do you call a 58 year old man that has sex with a 9 year old girl?

The Prophet Muhammad.

*Knock knock* (courtesy of a 9 year old)

Who's there?

I eat map.

I eat map who?

*Queue a disgusted face on my cousin* **YOU EAT YOUR POO!**

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Dad given advice to his son "if you're hiking and a 9 foot grizzly rears up, you just"

"reach back, grab a handful of shit and throw it in the bear's eyes. Then run."





Son "Where do you get the shit from?"





"Trust me, it'll be there."

I always feel like a 9 or 10 after I leave a buffet....

Because I over ate.

George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, “Too soon.”

It was September 10th.

Reviews for Hogwarts Legacy are coming in.

Most reviewers are giving it a 9 3/4 depending on the platform.

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What's the difference between a 2 and a 9?

A sexual harassment charge

Why Cant Americans take a 9/11 joke?

cause it flies right by their heads...

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My wife and I are a perfect match....I've got a 9-inch penis.....

And she doesn't know which end of the tape measure to hold.

A 9-1-1 operator in the deep South picks up the phone

"9-1-1, what is your emergency?"

"Oh my God, it's my wife - she done been gored by a hog, she's bleedin' some real bad! Send help!"

"Calm down sir, and tell me where you are"

"I'm at 560 Eucalyptus Drive"

"Can you spell that for me, sir?"

"U... er... E, U... er... ...

I tried to tell a 9/11 joke in New York today

It didn't fly well.

My friend made a 9/11 joke.

It almost flew int- over my head.

A couple with a 9 year old son are in their home...

A couple with a 9 year old son are in their home when the doorbell rings. Surprise surprise its an old friend they haven't met in a loooong time. So the wife and son immediately begin to prepare dinner in the kitchen for the guest while her husband entertains him in the living room.

Unfortuna...

A couple of counterfeiters made a mistake one time and ended up with a batch of $15 bills

One of them says "We gotta get rid of these things. We'll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They're so dumb they won't know a thing."

So off they go. Soon they arrive at a gas station and buy some gas. The guy at the counter looks a little simpleminded.

"Hey can you break a 1...

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A 9 year old girl is playing with her younger sister...

... In the backyard of the house, when the older girl tap on her sister shoulder and point at the neighbor house saying:

_"Oh my god, look the neighbor's wife is giving a blowjob to the mailman under the veranda!

And her innocent sister ask with a cute little voice:

_"What's a v...

[DARK HUMOR] What's the difference between a door and a 9 year old?

The way you go in.

Sorry it's a 9/11 joke but I thought it was funny.

Why was the 9/11 attack so tragic? Because they ordered a peperoni pizza, but they got a plane instead.

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What does a man with a 9 inch penis eat for breakfast?

Well, Right now I'm frying up some eggs, got some toast in the toaster and the coffees brewing.

An 8 year old (Billy) and a 9 year old (Tommy) are sitting in a waiting room with their moms at a hospital

Billy asks Tommy why he’s there.

Tommy says, “To get my tonsils removed.”

Billy says, “Oh don’t worry, it’s not so bad. You get to stay home from school and eat all the ice cream you want.”

Tommy then asks Billy, “Why are you here?”

Billy says, “For a circumcision.”...

what do you call a 9 year old african boy crying on his knees

Midlife crisis

I got twelve upvotes the last time I made a 9/11 joke here.

I guess you could say it crashed and burned.

I went to bed with a 9 and woke up with a 6....

I wasn't drunk. She just changed positions.

A 9 year old kid walks down the hallway of his house

and hears something coming from his older sisters room. He peeks through the keyhole and sees his sister naked caressing herself and saying, "Oh, I want a boy, Oh I need a boy."

The boy didn't understand so he kept walking to his room. The next day he looked through the keyhole again and saw...

Help! I need funny jokes for a 9 year is at camp!

Know any kid jokes that are actually funny? Please tell me what they are

I used to work for a used computer sales shop. I tried to convince my boss to have a 9/11 sale, 2 towers for the price of 1.

It didn’t fly.

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