UPJOKE

My 9 year old daughter made up this joke. "Why did the bull get fat?"

Because he ate too many cowleries.

My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body...

I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.

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What do you call a 58 year old man that has sex with a 9 year old girl?

The Prophet Muhammad.

(from my 9 year old) What is the scariest planet in Star Wars?

Na-BOO!

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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes it is.”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball.”
Man: ‟That's nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?”
Boy: ‟$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happ...

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My 9 year old just told me this joke and I thought I would share

What do you call rich peanut butter?

Jif Bezos

*Knock knock* (courtesy of a 9 year old)

Who's there?

I eat map.

I eat map who?

*Queue a disgusted face on my cousin* **YOU EAT YOUR POO!**

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When I was about 9 years old

When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.

When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.

Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now...

Joke from my 9 year old brother- our dad is dead

Who would win in a fight? Our dad or a plate of spaghetti?
The spaghetti because dad PASTAway

My 9 year old told me this one. What is the difference between girl spaghetti and boy spaghetti?

Meatballs.

She's so petite and delicate so it was perfectly hilarious.

My 9 year old son asked "Daddy... why is mummy called Teresa?"

Me: "Oh, well that's easy! You see, your mummy really really, REALLY loves Easter... Teresa is an anagram of Easter, see?"

Using a pen and paper I showed him once more - Easter....Teresa.

Him: "Wow dad that's SO cool! Thanks dad!!"

Me: "Hey, no problem Alan"

From my 9 year old: "What is the grumpiest thing on the beach?"

A crab.




Bonus from the 3 yo:

"What did the daddy toilet say to the little toilet?

Don't forget to flush yourself!"

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My first NSFW joke that I proudly wrote when I was 9 years old: What's the difference between tennis and badminton?

A: One you play with your balls, one you play with your cock.

(From my 9 year-old son) What type of fish should you use to catch other fish?

Bait-a fish.

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9 year old Johnny walks into class

Teacher: Johnny, why have you got a black eye? Were you in a fight?

Johnny: No miss, Me and my parents sleep in one bed. And last night, when the room was dark, my father asked me, "Johnny, are you sleeping?" I said, "No, dad". And I got a slap on my face and got a black eye.

Teacher: ...

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Courtesy of my 9 year old:

Q: What does beaver poop look like?
A: A log.

I think after 9 years of dating and jokes, I've worn down all my girlfriend's funny bones.

She's got that funny arthritis now.

My 9 year old....

...is yelling at me, "Hey dad, look at me! Im a 3D printer!"
I respond "Close the bathroom door, son!"

Joke my 9 year old daughter, Emma made up: What kind of list does Emma have a hard time with?

List-ening!

(She has ADHD)

9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date. Today I asked her to marry me

She said no both times.

What’s a good name for a detective?

Mr. E

* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind

I just farted on my wallet

Now I have Gas Money!

*Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)

My 9 year old daughter's joke

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have the guts.

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I was blessed with a 9inch cock at 9 years old...

... But that priest is in jail now, so we don't talk about it...

From my 9 year old niece...”What is it called when a chicken is staring at a salad?”

Chicken sees a salad.

A Joke My Dad Made Up When I Was Around 9 Years Old...

Knock, Knock


Who's There?


Afro


Afro Who?


Afro You Over The Fence

I've quit drinking for 9 years

Then I turned 10

My 9 year old daughter got me today...thought I'd share

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To visit the village idiot.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Chicken

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A 9 year old girl is playing with her younger sister...

... In the backyard of the house, when the older girl tap on her sister shoulder and point at the neighbor house saying:

_"Oh my god, look the neighbor's wife is giving a blowjob to the mailman under the veranda!

And her innocent sister ask with a cute little voice:

_"What's a v...

A hairdresser got put it jail for 9 years because he was drug dealing

All this time, I've been coming to him and never did I know that he was a hairdresser

There was this little 9 year old blind kid, and one day he said to his mom, "Mom, All I've ever wanted was to see."

His mom said, "Well son it's your lucky day, today is the last day of March, and if you pray your hardest,your prayers will be answered."

So the little boy goes to bed 2 hours early and starts praying himself to sleep.

He wakes up half way through the night and realises that the night...

An 8 year old (Billy) and a 9 year old (Tommy) are sitting in a waiting room with their moms at a hospital

Billy asks Tommy why he’s there.

Tommy says, “To get my tonsils removed.”

Billy says, “Oh don’t worry, it’s not so bad. You get to stay home from school and eat all the ice cream you want.”

Tommy then asks Billy, “Why are you here?”

Billy says, “For a circumcision.”...

A couple with a 9 year old son are in their home...

A couple with a 9 year old son are in their home when the doorbell rings. Surprise surprise its an old friend they haven't met in a loooong time. So the wife and son immediately begin to prepare dinner in the kitchen for the guest while her husband entertains him in the living room.

Unfortuna...

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My 9 year old thinks we should name our new dog after her Uncle.

When we asked her why, "So when we tell people that Steve pooped in the garage, they'll think it was him!".



True story.

what do you call a 9 year old african boy crying on his knees

Midlife crisis

[DARK HUMOR] What's the difference between a door and a 9 year old?

The way you go in.

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A young couple took there 9 year old son to the doctor.

With some hesitations, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small dick...

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”

The next morning...

A 9 year old kid walks down the hallway of his house

and hears something coming from his older sisters room. He peeks through the keyhole and sees his sister naked caressing herself and saying, "Oh, I want a boy, Oh I need a boy."

The boy didn't understand so he kept walking to his room. The next day he looked through the keyhole again and saw...

What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut? With thanks to my 9 year old

A Barbecue.

What did the 9 year old girl say to her swimming instructor?

Will I really sink if you take your fingers out?

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My 9 year old daughter is starting to ask me some really embarrassing questions about sex that I dont want to answer

I mean, just yesterday she asked me “is that the best you can do?”

From my 9 year old: What do you and Tatooine have in common?

You both have two sons\suns.

My uncle has ordered the same American beer at the bar for 9 years now

I must say, that’s a commitment to the coors.

The joke my 9 year old brother made so much better.

What kind of bee is the most dangerous?

The Hepatitis Bee.

(My brother: "Please tell me that joke!"

Me: "no, it's a grown-up joke."

Brother: "Please? I know I'll get it!")

I was called to school because my 9 year old son vandalized a wall in school's bathroom with a permanent marker again

That's where he drew the line

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He knows it, everything, the whole truth.

While playing in the street, little Johnny's 9-year-old friend shows him his new bike.

\- “Whoa, where did you get that from” Johnny asks.

\- “Well”, his friend tells him: ‘I bought it for a 100 bucks that I made yesterday.’

Johnny, 9 years old and getting 1 dollar per week of p...

My next door neighbor's 9 year old came over and had to tell me this joke I don't know what was funnier.Her trying to tell me that joke without laughing or the joke itself.

There was a herd of cows on this big hill. A big gust of wind came by and blew all the smaller cows away. So the rancher went up to one of the bulls that were still standing and asks,"How come you bulls are still standing?"

The bull replies,"Cuz we bulls wobble but we don't fall down."

A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".

The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."

**EDIT**: Okaaay, this is on the front page? It's a joke my friends 9 year old son told me that...

Muhammad walks up to the Buddha and says "Guess what a mosque and 9 year old have in common."

I've been in both.

Sour Patch Kid Walks into a Support Group

Sour patch kid walks into a support group for separated couples.

He says, "Hello, I'm new, and my name is Barry. My wife, Godiva, and I have been together for 15 years, and have been separated for 2 of those years. She claims my mood swings are 'unbearable' "

Everyone says "Hi Barry ...

Financial Advice

With inflation at 7.5%, you lose half your money in 9 years. The only way to outperform that consistently, that I have found, is crypto. Just this year I've already lost half my money.

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I was teased about my cock size every day of elementary school.

I got called names like teeny weenie, micro-soft, and pickled pecker.

9 year old girls sure can make a teacher feel bad.

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Hear about the time Mohammed's wife called him a pedophile?

Mohammed responded "Pedophile is a pretty big word for a 9 year old!"

Two Young Children Walk Down The Stairs

The 9 year old says to the 7 year old
“I think that we’re old enough to start swearing now.”

The 7 year old says
“Okay but when will we do it”

The 9 year old just says
“Follow my lead.”

They walk into the kitchen and their mother says
“What would you like for bre...

Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house?

Because it leads to domestic violins.

(From my 9 year old...)

Why did the peanut never come to school?

Because everyone was allergic to him.

(Made up by my 7 year old in response to the other joke I posted by my 9 year old)

How do you make 1 leave?

You put a "g" in front of 1.

*Thanks to my 9 year old, it gave me a good chukle. *

What's the difference between a camera and a foot?

A camera has photos and a foot has five toes.
(Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)

Br eak ing Ne ws.

A 9 year old girl has disappeared after using moisturiser that makes you look 10 years younger.

What do you call a Russian cat that interrupts a movie?

A blue-purr.

Curtesy of my 9 year old joke writer.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a shot of 15 year old scotch...

The bartender thinks, "This guy doesn't know 15 year old scotch from water". So he pours some cheap whiskey for the guy, who throws back the shot and spits it out all over the bar. "No, Damn it!", yells the man, "I want 15 year old scotch, not this house crap." The bartender wants to test him now an...

Yo mama so thirsty

She climbed Mt. Dew.

-- my 9 year old

What's Trump's favorite store?

Wallmart

(Joke courtesy of my 9 year old)

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Can you spare just $2.00?

Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia. He has only one leg, one arm and one eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - it's fucking hilarious!

Guys i just recently bought a 512Gb iPhone 11 Pro Max, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!

The kid is 9 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.

Who's the longest serving Mayor of bacon city?

Oscar Mayer

My 9 year old son just told me this joke & hopefully its an original

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How do you make a Kleeex dance?

Put a little boogie in it!

I have a little Christmastime request!! I am actually here for some good jokes for a 9 year old boy! I am looking to make him a joke book for Christmas. (Things are a little tight this year)
If anyone has a good one that's kid friendly I would really appreciate...

If tomatoes are a fruit

Then ketchup is a smoothie.

Told by my 9 year old son. Thought it was funny. Maybe more of a shower thought.

A 4th grade teacher told her class that she’d be willing to answer any questions that they had.

One of the girls in the back raised her hand and asked “Can a 9 year old get pregnant?”

The teacher responded “Of course not love. I don’t know why you’d even ask that?”

Then the boy sitting next to the girl yelled “I told you there’s nothing to worry about Mary”

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