UPJOKE

9 Out Of 10 Jokes

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid...

I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda

that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Please don’t become angry and resort to violins if you don’t notice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

9 out of 10 men keep their eyes closed during sex

I have to keep mine open to look out for my wife

9 out of 10 recommend

What’s the best way to get “fresh from the dentist” feeling every time you brush?



Only do it once a week

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

9 out of 10 dentists agree...

That the one other dentist is shit at their job.

A recent study shows that 9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid...

...just can't stop.

Apparently, 9 out of 10 people don’t trust stairs

They know they’re up to something

9 out of 10 doctors recommend United Airlines.

One was removed.

I had my driving exams today and scored 9 out of 10

The last guy managed to jump out of the way

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

9 out of 10 doctors agree

The other guy should really chill the fuck out.

My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, "9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home."

So he up and moved

I assume 9 out of 10 redditors are guys

I’m only wrong about 10 percent of the time

Studies show that 9 out of 10 Vegans have trouble with constipation.

Goes to show that what happens in Vegans, stays in Vegans.

9 out of 10 people who are afraid of hurdles

...never get over it.

According to a recent poll 9 out of 10 people have never had Steak Tartare.

Apparently it's very rare.

9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on any

... consumer product, the person who answers won't tell you what they're wearing. Trust me, I tried.

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea.

I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.

A report found 9 out of 10 bishops write with a fountain pen.

Only God knows what the other one does with it.

"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who .....

"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed."
My dog's full of useful information like that.

A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said “Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?”

“No, I didn’t know that.” The man replied.

“So what color are your wife’s eyes?” asked the friend.

The man replied, “I’m too drunk to remember. Geez, I better go home and find out.”

So the man hurries home to find his wife in bed and asleep. The man carefully lifts his wife’s ey...

Hey baby, call me Colgate

Because 9 out of 10 dentists recommend me in your mouth.

How bad does it hurt to get a finger cut off?

I'd say about a 9 out of 10

The Test

A teacher has prepared a test for two of her students. One kid is very clever and the other kid is a bit slow, to say the least.

The test has 10 questions and the teacher sits both kids down in the classroom and gives them 45 minutes to complete the test.

Once completed by the students...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A captain brought his daughter on board of his ship...

and forbid every sailor to have sex with her. He didn't tell any of his crew, but he put razor blades in his daughter vagina for safety measures because he didn't trust anyone of them. Each week, the captain will check the dick of his sailor and kill everybody who's dick missing.

So the first...

According to the institute for incomplete studies

9 out of 10 Americans.

It’s almost Lent again

The time when 9 out of 10 Catholics go “Ok, it’s time to pretend I’m fully committed to this whole ‘being Catholic’ thing.”

Statistically...

9 out of 10 injections are in vein.

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