UPJOKE

8 Second Jokes

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

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Two cowboys are out riding the range and talking about their favorite sex positions

The first cowboy says the “rodeo” position is his favorite.

The second cowboy says he’s never heard of it before and asks how to do it.

The first cowboy responds, “Well, you mount your lady from behind then reach down and grab her tits. Then you whisper ‘these feel almost as good as ...

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Scientists say men think about sex every 8 seconds...

...that's why I can eat a hot-dog in 7

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The Speed of Light is 3*10^8 metres per second. What then is the Speed of Darkness?

100 metres over 9.58 seconds.



edit: wow this blew up overnight! How do I flair this as racist?

edit2: holy shit I was tired when I wrote this. My physics teacher will kill me. I wrote time/distance instead...

What’s the difference between a bull rider and a cowgirl?

A cowgirl rides for more than 8 seconds before getting off.

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Rodeo fuck

Ever had a rodeo fuck? Get your significant other on her knees and enter her. Whisper in her ear, "You're not as tight as your sister." Now try and hang on for 8 seconds.

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A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and is lost

So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:

"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?"

- "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you'r...

Who are the fastest readers ?

9/11 victims, they went through 64 stories in just 8 seconds

A local pub had an electric bull riding competition

Many strong men tried and failed to last the required 8 seconds due to the ferocity of the steed.

A little, scrawny man stepped up and climbed aboard.

The bull started bucking slowly as the ride gained momentum, yet the man held on. 1, 2, 3 seconds.

Faster and faster it spun, ye...

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Sex positions

Two rednecks were sitting in a bar discussing their favorite sex positions. One of them says, “I think rodeo would have to my favorite”. The other one says, “I’ve never heard of that one, what is it?” So the first guy says, “You sit on your wife’s back with your hands on her boobs and say, ‘these fe...

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Rodeo sex

Man asks his buddy what’s best kind of sex ? He says rodeo sex . What’s that? It’s when your doing it from behind and you tell your girlfriend “you know you kinda look like your sister from the back“and then you try to hold on for 8 seconds.

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race around the track.

Trump went first. He went around the track in 8 minutes and 38 seconds.

Clinton's time was 8 minutes and 59 seconds.

Obama finished the race in 8 minutes and 44 seconds.

And Bush did 9:11

You have to have the skill of a world class bull rider to keep up with me in bed

You only have to ride me for 8 seconds and then it’s over

You know you’ve been in quarantine long enough when..

Your Siri maps suggestion says “8 seconds to the living room!”

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Bar Room Football

A man named Larry goes into a bar and orders a bottle of beer. Larry sits down and hears a bunch of noise in the background. Larry asks the bartender about the noise.. The bartender tells him that they're playing bar room football. So Larry decides to go and check it out.

He walks in and asks...

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Rodeo Sex

When you’re making love to your girl doggy style and bend over and whisper in her ear, “this is how your sister likes it too”, and try and hold on for 8 seconds.

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The definition of Rodeo Sex - When you accidentally call your partner by the wrong first name.....

Then try and stay on for 8 seconds.

What do bull riders and I have in common?

We both struggle to last 8 seconds

My wife says I should be a bull rider...

Since I'm lucky to last 8 seconds...

Who are some of the best readers in the world?

World Trade Center workers, some of them can read 50 stories in just 8 seconds!

Heard about the do-it-yourself home rodeo?

Cook a romantic candle lit dinner for your girlfriend. Have a good bottle of wine, and then lead her quietly into the bedroom. You have already spread rose petals on top of the bed. Low seductive music in the background. Erotically take each other’s clothes off, get her up on the bed on all four...

I told my wife she should call me a champion bullrider...

Because I consistently last 8 seconds riding a horned animal.

Rodeo position

Two guys in a bar are discussing “positions” so one tells the other, “Well my favorite is the rodeo!”
and the other says, “What’s the rodeo?”
“well, first you get your wife down and start to do her doggy style, then when you’re halfway done, you bend over and whisper in her ear, ‘you know, thi...

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Rodeo sex

2 cowboys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first cowboy says his favorite position is the "rodeo". The other cowboy asks what the position is, and how to do it? The first cowboy says, You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once thi...

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