UPJOKE
itv2bbc newsitv3itv4itvbecnnbbc choicebbc threeal jazeeranewsbeatbbc world news

60 Seconds Jokes

The term "Every 60 seconds in Africa..." is really stupid

Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.

The titanic went down in 60 seconds

Let that sink in for a minute

I can't find my "Gone in 60 seconds" DVD...

It was here a minute ago...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lot can happen in just 60 seconds

Thats the title of my sextape

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently, someone gets hit by a vehicle every 60 seconds

Poor bastard

60 seconds have passed in this 90 degree weather...

It's been a hot minute.

A lemonade was only given 60 seconds to clean her house

She hired a minute maid

Did you know I can fly on United Airlines from Los Angles to New York in just 60 seconds?

I even called and asked how long it would take, she told me "just a minute"

Would you believe me if I told you it takes 60 seconds to make a lollipop?

There's a sucker born every minute.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having sex with you is like playing hide and seek

After the first 60 seconds you yell "ready or not, here I come!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Ferrari."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"...

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar during the town's annual Halloween celebration. "I'd sure like to try out that giant corn maze they set up, but I'm afraid I'd get lost and kill half the day in there," the guy tells the bartender. "There is actually a guide you can hire that will take you through the entire l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sexual performance is just like the movie...

*Gone in 60 Seconds*

For the sick

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"

"No" her mother replied.

"Well, I think I'm gonna be sick, Momma!"

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Black Boxes in pickups

About 8 years ago, when the trend towards really large pickup trucks began, there was a major increase in accidents with pickups. At the urging of insurance companies, the three major car makers started adding a "black box" to each truck. It would record the last 60 seconds, showing speed, accelerat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Describe your sex life using a movie title

Me : Gone in 60 Seconds

When you think about time on the cosmic scale, an infinitely expanding past and future...

60 seconds seems pretty minute.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Public Health England.

Due to the shortage of lateral flow tests available the government are going to introduce a new '1 minute self diagnostic' process.

You put one finger in your mouth, and one up your ass.

After 60 seconds swap fingers, if you can't smell or taste the difference, Isolate.

I made a one minute long documentary on a U.S. island territory in Micronesia...

It's called Guam in 60 Seconds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On this bottle of mouthwash it said "Five times longer lasting"

So I rubbed some on my cock and gave the wife the best 60 seconds of her life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For my New Year’s resolution, I decided to join a gym to improve my sexual stamina.

Turns out none of them offer 60 seconds a month memberships.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend works at a brothel...

One day a japanese man came in. He said: 'I will pay you double for an hour, but I will get an orgasm about 52 times. When I do I go outside take a quick break and come back.' My friend agrees and the man pays two times the normal prices.

The man goes up and in less then 60 seconds he comes d...

I run a suicide hotline.

A guy called me once, told me I had 60 seconds to convince him not to jump off his balcony on the 41st floor.

He must've confused me with the *anti*-suicide hotline.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob forgot his wife's anniversary

His wife is pissed as hell. She is so pissed, in fact, that she says, "I want to see something that goes from 0 to 200 in 60 seconds or I'M LEAVING YOU!!!" She runs off to go to work.


Bob is extremely worried. His family didn't have that much money in it anyway because they were in great ...

A woman is fed up with receiving lame birthday presents from her husband...

So, two weeks before her birthday, she tells her husband "You always get me the worst presents when my birthday rolls around. Well, this year had better be different. When I wake up in two weeks, there had better be something in the driveway that will go from O to 200 in less than 60 seconds!"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The priest and the parrot

A priest moved to a new, remote parish and was feeling lonely. To keep him company, he went to the pet store to buy a parrot. Unfortunately, parrots are quite expensive, and he couldn't afford one.

Feeling sorry for him, the store owner told him, "Well, I do have this one parrot, but it was o...

*Worst joke award * Three men are sitting in a bar.........

a Canadian, an American and an Australian. They've been talking all afternoon about how each is the best at picking up females, each boasting over the other. To settle this the three decide to place a bet, that being the first of the three to pick up the very next female to walk into the bar will b...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.