UPJOKE

6 Year Jokes

An original joke from my 6 year old son

What do you call it when you mix a duck and a calculator?


A quackulator!

Here's an actual joke from my 6 year old

What is the pirates favorite part of the house?



The back-yarrrrrghd!



He was very proud of this joke and wanted to know if it was a good pun.

I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 6 year old boy visits the zoo with his parents…

…where they stop to see the elephant. While the father’s in the restroom, the son notices one elephant has a rather large erection. Curious, he gets his mom’s attention.

“Mommy, what’s that hanging from the elephant?” “Oh, that’s its trunk honey.” “No, further back!” “Ah, you mean its tail!” ...

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(Based on a true story): My 6 year old son walked into the family room while I was watching a movie. He points at me and proclaims "You licked a puss!"...

I muted the TV and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"

He pointed again and proclaimed "YOU LICKED A PUSS!"

My mind stared racing... "Did we leave the door opened on date night last Saturday?" I then looked behind me and saw a candle burning.

"Son...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 6 year old & a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell & you say something with ass.” The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
...

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My 6 year old son caught me masturbating this morning...

He said, "What are you doing daddy?"
"It's called wanking," I replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why, daddy?" he asked.
"Because my arm is fucking killing me."

My 6 year old made this up while taking his bath...

Knock knock

Who's there?

Dwayne

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the tub before I dwown.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a 6 year old and a 4 year old brother. It was the 6 year olds birthday that day. They wake up in the morning and...

The 6 year old says to his younger brother “Hey, I think today is the day we start using swear words around Mom. After all I’m 6 now.”

The younger brother starts getting excited and says, “Ok! What swear words should we use?!”

The older brother replies with, “I’m going to say hell, and...

I was doing a pretend job interview with my 6 year old daughter and I asked her, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

She said: “in a mirror”



This really happened and I still laugh every time I think about it.

Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago.

...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.

From my 6 year old: Why do whales hate the rain?

Cause it gets them all wet.

My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a threesome with two hot princesses?"

I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.

My neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer for 6 years.

I never knew he was a barber.

An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw

His child drew a horse.

The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."

The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"

The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"

The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"

The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wing...

My 6 year old’s halloween joke

Q. What do ghosts have on their bottom?

A. A boo-ty

From my 6 year old: What does a cloud wear beneath its pants?

Thunderwear!


Edit: Thanks so much for the awards! I told my 6yo this morning how much love his joke got, and he’s absolutely walking on air!

You may have just helped create a comedian, you monsters.

(*LONG*) A 6 year old girl wouldn’t stop sucking her thumb, much to the chagrin of her mother.

After trying everything she could think of, the mother, in a moment of exasperation, finally told her: “If you don’t stop sucking your thumb, you’re going to blow up like a balloon!!”

Somehow this scared her daughter enough that she stopped sucking her thumb.

Several weeks later, they...

An original joke by my 6 year old this evening. What is the largest number in South America?

A Brazilian!

My 6 year old daughter just said to me..

"Dad, don't you find it inherently dishonest when people fabricate a false narrative using children to make the underlying message more humorous?"

I dunno what she talking about. Kids, eh?

A father and his 6 year old son where walking through the woods together. It was almost dark...

The little boy says, "Daddy, the woods is scary at night."

The dad responds; "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone...."

My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old...

and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'

Why was the anti-vaxxer’s 6 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis

From my 6 year-old: Why shouldn’t you fart in an elevator?

Because it’s wrong on so many levels.

There was a 6 year old boy named Little Johnny

Johnny loved baseball and always had his ball and glove with him, but today he is hiding in his parents closet. From his vantage point, he could see his mother rolling around on her bed with the strange man who came over when his dad went to work.

Suddenly, he heard the front door open and hi...

My 6 year old daughter has been complaining about monsters under her bed for ages.

It seemed cute and funny at the beginning but it's been twenty minutes now, and I'm wondering if I should just crawl out already.

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Knock knock...(from my 6 year old)

Who's there?

"Little girl".

Little girl, who?

"Little girl who can't reach the door knob".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an "emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring piece of shit".

I don't know how I feel about this.

Jokes for 6 year olds?

I am looking for some jokes for kids (6-8) year olds.

For example:

* Two tomatoes are walking across the road when a car drives over one of them. The other turns around and says "Hurry up ketchup!"

* Two raindrops were falling from the sky, busy talking together whe...

My 6 year old came up with a joke...

Why was it hard to read the book?

Because it was a lil' blurry book.

A rich man was strolling along a riverside with his 6 year old daughter and they came to a bridge...

On the bridge there was a hobo sitting and shaking his cup. As they were walking past, the rich man wasn't keeping an eye on his daughter, who was playing with the bars of the railing and she slipped through and fell in. Not knowing how to swim himself, the man shouted for help. Without saying a wor...

6 years ago i DMed my facebook crush telling her that I am going to take her out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me.

She said no both times and blocked me

My 6 year old just told me this

One day four men and four women and four kids were walking around and they died.

A joke from my 6 year old nephew

Q: Why is Santa's sack always full?

A: Because he only comes once a year

My 6 year old sone impressed me today. He asked me "What is the brownist number?"

What is the brownist number?

Number 2.

He has tried for months to come up with something original. Usually, they just don't make sense, or just aren't funny. This was the first time he had an original I cracked up at.

A joke my chem teacher told my class which his 6 year old son came up with

What do only T-Rexes have?
.
.
.
.
.
.
T-Rex babies

I have a puzzle that has 3-6 years written on it

But it only took me 5 months to finish it

While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back.

I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"

-true story, just happened.

Came up with this one 6 years ago. Zelda Lame Joke #18:

What hotel does Link stay at?

..


..




..


.
.


The Hyatt!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little 6 year-old boy won't talk.

His Mother takes him to the doctor, who says,"He's fine. Just give him time."
A couple months later, his Mother takes him to a Child Psychologist, who says, "He's fine. Just give him time."
A couple months later, his Mother is cooking his breakfast and she accidentally burns his toast. Scrapin...

What do you call a waffle on a California beach?

A Sandy Eggo.
- Compliments of my cousin's 6 year old daughter (She says "Hi" by the way).

-EDIT: Wow, this blew up a lot more than I thought it would. My first gold and my first post to make it to the front page. You are too kind, Reddit.

My 6 year old just made this one up, really proud. If a pear “paralyzes” you, what does an apple do?

It paralyzes you.

My 6 year old little bro always tells me this one. What do you call ninja farts?

Silent but deadly

Joke by my 6 year old niece

6: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me:I don't know why?
6: He didnt, he got hit by a truck!

Still gets me 13 years later.

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A 6 year old runs up to her mother...

DAUGHTER: Mummy, why don't boys have vaginas?
MOTHER: They have a penis instead.
DAUGHTER: Does Daddy have a penis?
MOTHER: Yeah.
DAUGHTER: What does a penis look like?
The mother thinks for a moment.
MOTHER: It looks a bit like P...

My 6 year old is coming up with dad jokes: What do you call Optimus Prime if he gets a tick?

Optimis-tick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 6 year old little boy was sitting at the dinner table with his family.

He had never spoken his entire life, despite years of speech-therapy and other efforts from his parents.

He starts eating his dinner, suddenly stops, and looks right at his mom.

“You burnt the fucking beans”. He said

His parents couldn’t believe their ears.

“Johnny!! Yo...

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?...

Their knees.

(Not sure if this one translates well to english)

Two blondes are sitting at a bar...

Two blondes are sitting at a bar, obviously celebrating something. They wave over the bartender, and tell him to pour two more shots. Once poured, the two blondes clink their glasses together and say "42! YEAH!! 42!".

"Bartender, another round!"

Same thing happens on this shot. They c...

A 6 year old asks what kind of dog is that?

I tell him it's a boxer

And the 6 year old replies with, yeaaa he looks like he got punched.

My 6 year old Niece told me this: What do you call a tooth that has been mashed?

Toothpaste

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 6 year old wrote a knock, knock joke today. It

My son: knock, knock
Me: who's there
My son: Nobody
Me: Nobody who?
My son: penis

It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.

Talk Abbottabad place to hide.

Subway's Jared Fogle sentenced to 15.6 years...

Where his diet will be regulated to just 6 inchers.

My 6 year old niece told me this one.

What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

An investigator

6 years ago today Seal Team Six took out Bin Laden

Tonight I am going to celebrate with a drink consisting of two shots and a splash of water.

What's the difference between Caitlyn Jenner and a 6 year old pretending to be a T-Rex?

The 6 year old never killed anyone with a car

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend is a porn star!

She's going to be really mad when she finds out.


EDIT: Will people stop asking me to post the source or a picture, this is a joke that it is why it is here instead of in mildlyinterestng.
The truth is my girlfriend tried to be a porn star but the producer said to her "come back in 5 ...

My 6 year old daughter told me this one: What do you call a book that has babies?

A booklet.

Want to know how I can see 6 years into the future?

I have 2020 vision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and finds a 6 year old girl waiting for him.

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and finds a 6 year old girl in pajamas waiting for him.

The little girl is excited to see Santa and says "Santa Clause wont you stay and play with me?"

Santa, being a busy man says "Ho, Ho, Ho, I've got to go, there are plenty of ...

Amanda is 21 years older than her son John. In 6 years from now, Amanda will be 5 times as old as John. Where is John's father?

Let M be the age in years of Amanda now.

Let C be the age in years of John now.

Then:

M = C + 21
M + 6 = 5(C + 6)
⟹ C + 21 + 6 = 5(C + 6)
⟹ C + 27 = 5C + 30
⟹ -3 = 4C
⟹ C = -3/4

John is -3/4 years old, which is -9 months old.
...

A ridiculously rich man is buying his 6 year old nephew a birthday present

On his birthday, the boy gets a Porsche 911. For Christmas that year, the man bought his nephew a massive yacht. For his 7th birthday, the man bought his nephew a weeks holiday in Dubai. The boy's dad was getting worried about his son, as he wasn't getting gifts that a child his age would normally g...

Where do flies go for a holiday?

Flywaii
(please don't down vote me too much, my 6 year old daughter made up this joke and wanted me to post it).

Never let your kids stay with the grandparents for too long

Someone asked my 6 year old what's his age?
He said : With God's will, I will be 7 in November.

Why did the kid eat his homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jared Fogel was sentenced to 15.6 years in prison for having sex with underage individuals

He was just happy to get anything under 18

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