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6 Foot Jokes

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What's 6 foot long, vibrates and turns a small into a giant ?

A motorcycle.

If somebody is looking to hook up with a girl over 6 foot tall

They really want 2 meter

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter...

Dear Ma & Pa,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6 am. But...

I’m 6 foot 1 inch

And those are two separate measurements;)

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Forgot the tree this year, so I'm putting up a 6 foot, tinsel covered Tampon.

Just for the festive period.

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Are there any 6 foot penguins round here?

Asked the stranger who just pulled up wih his truck outside a bar.

"No" the barkeep replied.

"Well ," he said, "I guess I just ran over a nun..."

I'm 6 foot and my ex is 5'4". I knew we weren't going to last very long.

We could never see eye to eye

Girl says she only dates 6 foot guys

I only have two feet :(

On my online dating profile it clearly says that I’m 6 foot - 4 inches

So why when I turn up are woman always disappointed that I’m 5’8”

I reeled in a 6 foot 1 inch catfish

That weighed 280 lbs on Tinder

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A black man is driving in a Mercedes-Benz when he gets pulled over by a cop.

The cop asks him for his license and registration and begins to question him about his car. "Where'd you get the money to buy such a nice Benz?"

The man replies, "I'm a specialty surgeon, I enlarge assholes."

Skeptical, the officer asks more about the procedure. The man explains, "Fi...

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A naked blonde walks into a bar, carrying a poodle under one arm and a 6 foot salami under the other.

The Bardtender says, 'So, I don't suppose you'd be needing a drink?'

The blonde says "I definitely do, after what just happened to me."

The bartender says "I'm so sorry. What happened?"

The blonde says, "Well, my boyfriend and I were just about to make love, when out of nowhere...

Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement?

So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore.

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Late one night, Norm answered the doorbell to find a 6 foot tall cockroach standing on the step.

The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off.

The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined.

“Ah, yes,” the doctor said when Norm explained what happened. “There’s a nasty bug going around.”

An old blind man walks into an all-girl biker bar by mistake

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls silent. In a deep husky voice the woman next to him says, "before you tell that joke, i think it's only fair, given t...

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This guy was cruising along a deserted Texas highway on his way to work..

doing 92 mph in an 85 zone. As he crests a slight hill he gets nailed by a highway patrolman running radar. Easing over onto the shoulder and coming to a stop, the officer walks up to the car and asks "License and registration please, and where the hell are you going in such a hurry?"

The...

I heard a knock at the door the other day and when I answered it there was a 6 foot beetle standing there that just punched me straight in the face.

Apparently there's a nasty bug going around.

I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group.

I just got kicked out of Flat Earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing guideline has pushed anyone over the edge yet.

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A cop pulls someone over for speeding...

He asks the driver: "Why were you driving this fast?"

"I'm late for work!", he responds

"What are you working as?"

"I'm an -widener."

The cop is confused: "What's that supposed to be?"

"Well," he calmly explains, "I take an and try to put my finger i...

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a guy gets pulled over at the end of a bridge for speeding

The police officer walks up to his car and says "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The driver, rudely says "No officer - but I'm sure you're aware, so why don't you enlighten both of us?"

The police officer, recognizing the driver's attitude, attempts to take him down a notch. "Wh...

The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought

The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.

Criminal suspect identification.

Police detective: 'What can you remember about your mugger?'

Victim: 'He was slim built, with dark hair and wore a cap.'

Police detective: 'Anything else you remember?'

Victim: 'He had a moustache, about 6 foot 2.'

Police detective: That's one hell of a moustache

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A man is late for dinner and speeding home.

He is pulled over by a cop that had been hiding on the far side of an underpass. While questioning the motorist he asks what the man does for a living.
“Well sir, I’m a stretcher”
Confused the cop asks “what’s exactly does that mean?”
The man explains “well first you start with one ...

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Two dads, Philip and Mike, fight every day about their respective sons’ physical growth.

Both of the kids go to the same kindergarten. As Philip and Mike watch on as they go in, Mike tells Philip, “Y’know buddy, my son is currently 4 foot. He’ll grow up to be an actor!”

Philip replies, “We’ll see about that, my son is 4 foot one. And your son will never get popular if he’s short,...

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A State Trooper pulls over a man for going 20 over the speed limit

Trooper: Any reason for you to be going so fast?

Man: Sorry officer, I'm a doctor and I'm running late.

Trooper: Oh yeah? What kind of doctor?

Man: I'm a proctologist that specializes in stretching.

Trooper: What the hell is stretching!?

Man: It's ...

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description.

She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth,...

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A cop pulls a man over for going to fast over a bridge...

He holds up a speed gun and says:

"You were 10Mph over the speed limit, do you have a valid reason for going so fast?"

"I was late for my job" The man responded

"And what is your job?" The cop starts writing a ticket at this point

"I work as a stretcher" The guy sa...

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A black man was driving a brand new mercedes

He saw cop lights in his rear view mirror and pulled over. He calmly pulls over to the shoulder of the road and waits for the police officer to knock on the window.

“Goin’ a little fast back there, yeah? License and registration.”

The black man hands over the information and says “Sir...

A Spicy Italian

Right before they announced all the restaurants were closing I went to Subway 1 last time.
I placed my order, then the girl behind me proceeded to place hers.
She said, "I'd like a 6 foot Spicy Italian."
I turned to her and said, "Sorry ma'am -- I'm only 5 11"

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A guy gets pulled over by a cop for speeding...

The cop is going over the whole routine, license and registration. He asks the man what he does for a living.

Guy: I’m an stretcher.

Cop: excuse me, how do you do that?

Guy: you start with a finger, then work another one in till you have a whole hand in there. Then you...

Ukraine has announced plans to open Chernobyl as a theme park.

They say it will be just like Disney land

Except the 6 foot mouse is real

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A proctologist gets pulled over for speeding.

One day, this car flies over the bridge. The cop at the end of the bridge uses his radar gun and sure enough, the car is speeding. He pulls him over.

Cop: Why the rush, sir?

Man: I was just called to the hospital. I'm a proctologist.

Cop: I've never heard of a proctologist befor...

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A guy gets pulled over for speeding

The officer asks "whats the rush?"

The man replies "Well sir, I'm late for work."

The officer asks "What do you do for work?"

The man replies "I'm an stretcher."

Perplexed the officer inquires " stretcher? What kind of job is that?"

The man then goes...

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A Doctor is pulled over for speeding...

A doctor is speeding and goes through a blind corner only to find a cop standing there with a radar gun. The cop chases him down and pulls him over. The cop says, "Sir I pulled you over because you were doing almost double the speed limit through that turn."
The doctor replies, "Look I'm an im...

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A man was speeding down a country road...

...he drove across an old bridge and just after getting to the other side a cop pulls him over. The officer approaches his window and starts with the normal cop procedure, licence, registration, the usual. Sooner or later he says to the guy "what do you do for a living?" And the man says "I'm an ...

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A man gets stopped by a police officer for doing 31 in a 30 zone

The police man asks what the man's job is.

The man says 'I'm an stretcher'

The police man asks 'and what do you do in that?'

The man replies in detail 'we get the customers and slowly enlarge it by first sticking our fingers in, then our whole fist, slowly increasin...

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That’s some

A man was speeding down the highway, going far too fast. As he passes under a bridge, a state trooper flips on his lights and pulls him over.

Trooper: where are you going in such a hurry?

Driver: sorry officer, I’m on my way to my proctologist to have my stretched.

Troo...

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Tiger Woods and a preacher play golf.

Tiger Woods and a local preacher get paired off at a charity golf tournament. On the fourth hole, Tiger misses an easy, 6 foot putt, and shouts "God dammit!" The preacher turns to him and says, "Tiger, you've already angered God. If you blaspheme any more, God will smite you where you stand." 3 ...

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6ft

So I was headed to work this morning and I was running late. I had the cruise set at 80mph and I crested a hill and there sits a cop running his radar.
Needless to say, he lights me up and I get pulled over.
Cop walks up and asks, "What's the rush... Where you headed in such a hurry?"
"I'm ...

A blind man walks into a bar...

A blind man walks into a bar, orders a drink
and says, "Hey! Does anyone want to hear a
blonde joke?" Then the woman next to him
taps his shoulder and says, "Listen mister, I'm a
bodybuilder, 5 foot 9 of pure muscle, and I'm
blonde. The bouncer over there, he's a martial
arts exper...

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A doctor gets pulled over for speeding...

A doctor is rushing to work and speeding over a bridge. A police officer sees him, and promptly pulls him over.

"Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I don't have time for this, I'm a doctor and needed desperately by a patient."

"A doctor, eh? What do you do that's so importan...

Giving

Jane had heard you can make some extra money donating blood. On her lunch break she went on down to the donation centre near her office to give it a go for the first time. After donating and while at the counter to get payment she noticed the man to her left was being paid $100, while she was onl...

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A man wakes up late and has to speed to get to work on time...

He's flying down the highway, doing 90 in a 60. He approaches an overpass and sees a cop above running radar. The man thinks to.m himself, "".

Sure enough, lights and sirens and the cop is pulling him over. He officer approaches the car and asks the man, "Sir, do you know why I pulled yo...

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A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.


Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic...

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Three guys go to hell. A fat guy, a addict, and a pothead...

Three guys go to hell. A fat guy, a addict, and a pothead.

The devil goes up to these guys and says - listen, I'm feeling nice today. I'm going to let each of you choose ONE thing and I'll lock you away in a room for a thousand years with it. The guys all look at each other in disbelief, ...

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Another guy speeding joke.

A guy is in a rush to get to work, and he driving quickly.

He crosses over a bridge, and get's tagged by a cop and pulled over.

The cop slowly walks up to the car and asks for license and registration.

After they check out the cop returns and says, "Do you know why I pulled you...

The double meaning of Christmas!

I bought a new 6 foot, artificial, LED Christmas tree yesterday.

The sales assistant asked " Are you putting this up yourself sir?"

"No, it's going in the living room as usual" I replied.
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