UPJOKE

40 Feet Jokes

What has 40 feet and 8 teeth?

The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

The deaf wife problem.

Fred feared his wife Rhonda wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give t...

what is 40 feet long and only has 3 teeth?

The funnel cake line at the Arkansas state fair.

An older man is at a routine doctors appointment

Everything checks out, and he appears to be in good health.

At the end of the appointment, the doctor asks him if “he had any questions?”

The old man replies “no, I’m okay, but I am concerned about my wife; I don’t think her hearing is what it used to be.”

“That happens with ag...

The difference between Republicans and Democrats:

A Republican sees a man drowning 40 feet from a pier. He throws him a 20-foot rope and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 40 feet from a pier. He throws him an 80-foot rope. And lets go of his end.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Proof that men are logical:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough, that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myse...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband goes to an ENT doctor, fed up with his wife's hearing problem.

Husband: Doctor, I am frustrated with my wife's hearing or lack there of. It feels like I am talking to myself all the time. Please help.

Doctor: Where is your wife?

Husband: I called her many times, she didn't respond. I angrily left my home to meet you.

Doctor: Since she is no...

A barman tells three regulars that he has a magic slide in the beer garden

_Here's one I vividly remember being told by a kid in a playground when I was about 5 years old._


A barman tells three regulars that he has a magic slide in the beer garden. Incredulous they demand to see it for themselves.

When they get into the garden they see the slide is signif...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A crippled war veteran was walking down the street...

... and walking towards him was what seemed to be another grizzled man dragging one limp foot across the sidewalk.

As they approached closer, the crippled veteran gives the other man a nod of mutual respect and says, "Vietnam. 40 years back."

The other man replies, "Dog shit. 40 feet ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story at a funeral. This is a story rather than a joke, but there's a funny part.

This probably belongs in r/funny but I'm posting it here because in my reddit experience, those folks have a very narrow sense of humor (Leno/Foxworthy type stuff) - and I wanted to give a bit of a laugh to people.

I also apologize to more sensitive readers because this is a story relating to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unfortunate

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.