UPJOKE

4 Year Jokes

Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Guy: That’s when I went to Yale...
Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.
Guy: Thanks. I really needed this Yob.

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A 7 year old & 4 year old are in their bedroom. “You know what” says 7 year old “I think its time we started swearing…

A 7 year old & 4 year old are in their bedroom. "You know what" says 7 year old
"I think its time we started swearing.
When we go downstairs for breakfast I'lI swear first then you".
"OK" says 4 year old.
Mum asks 7 yr old what he wants for breakfast. "I'II have Coco pops, bitch"....

Why was the anti-vaxxer‘s 4 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis

A joke my 4 year old came up with today...

Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"

Me: "I dunno, what?"

Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"

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A British soldier returns from war after 4 years against the Germans.

His faithful wife, longing for sex all these years, dresses up in her sheerest lingerie, hoping to entice her returning husband. She waits by the door as her husband enters and her lingerie gently slips off her body and she stands there naked. “Darling, look what the wind blew away”, she says seduct...

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8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.

Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"

Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."

Doesn't have a clue why I was laughin...

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I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

But he's not buying it, in fact he's still making fun of me.
Edit: Thanks for the karma, and damn Reddit is not shy about telling internet strangers they pooped in their pants.
Edit 2: Thank you kind stranger for giving me my first gold on a poop joke, I wouldn't have expected it any other...

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.

Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.

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Hitler held out a war for 4 years...

But shot himself 45 minutes after getting married.

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A 6 year old & a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell & you say something with ass.” The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
...

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I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

But he is not buying it, in fact he is still making fun of me.

I saw a 4 year old girl crying, all alone

"Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"

"No" she sobbed

I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage

My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school.

So I punched him & stole his lunch money.

I was a flat earther for 4 years

Then I turned 5

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Just realised the cost of my toilet paper has tripled in the last 3-4 years

Shit is getting expensive

Joke from my 4 year old

Knock knock

Whose there?

Turnip

Turnip who?

You better turn up, or you'll be late to the party!

I can see 4 years into the future!

You can say I have 2020 vision

My 4 year old niece's unintentional dirty joke.

Why did the fan blow itself? Because it was turned on!

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There was a 6 year old and a 4 year old brother. It was the 6 year olds birthday that day. They wake up in the morning and...

The 6 year old says to his younger brother “Hey, I think today is the day we start using swear words around Mom. After all I’m 6 now.”

The younger brother starts getting excited and says, “Ok! What swear words should we use?!”

The older brother replies with, “I’m going to say hell, and...

I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree...

He said "Sodium Bromate."

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A woman listen’s in on her 4 year old playing with his train set

“All those getting off, go on fuck off, and all those gettin on fucking hurry up”

The woman smacks his bum and sends him upstairs till he’s learned his lesson.

2 hours later the boy comes back down, says sorry to his mum and carries on playing, Mum listens in:

”all those depart...

I started dating a girl 4 years ago who's a paraplegic but she left me...

She told me I was always pushing her around. It's not my fault she wouldn't stand up for herself.

My 4 year old daughters joke: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A Dinosnore.

My 4 year old son has been learning Spanish at school and still doesn’t know the word for please…

I think that’s poor for four.

Joke by my 4 year old nephew, please try not to downvote. It made me laugh when he said it though.

Nephew: are you gluten intolerant?


Me(surprised he knew about gluten): yes I am, sweetheart


Nephew: how intolerant of you

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A group of 4 year old kids were trying very hard to become accustomed to nursery

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

'I went to visit my Nana'.

No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big P...

My 4 year old nieces jokes:

Why did the lobster flush?
Because the sea weed.

Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.

What did the little flower say to the big flower?
Hi ya bud.

Knock knock.
Whose there?
Ice cream .
Ice cream who?
Ice cream so you can hear...

(My 4 year old finds this absolutely hilarious) Why was the cow wearing headphones?

So he can listen to mooosic!

Set up by a 4 year old

True story. This morning my 4 year old granddaughter asked if I new what a baby jumper was. I told told her I didn’t know. So she grinned, began jumping up and down, and told me it’s a baby that jumps.

Bear with me. I didn’t realize her literal answer was just a set up.

She then asked ...

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The 4 Year Old Builder

A young family moved into a house next to an empty plot in Corringham, Essex. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 4 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the work...

My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one...

Why did the banana go to the hospital?


Because he wasn't peeling very well.

I was kidnapped by some mimes 4 years ago today

The things they did to me were just unspeakable

It’s been 4 years since my last job interview

I’m beginning to suspect they got someone else

I saw an anti-vaxxers 4 year old son throwing a tantrum at the grocery store yesterday.

You can say he was having a midlife crisis

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A mother is driving her 4 year old daughter around town...

when a dildo slams the windshield *THWAP* and bounces off. The daughter, being young and curious, asks, "What was that?". Not wanting to explain a dildo to a 4yo, the mother replies, "Just a bug." Daughter exclaims, "Wow mom, that bug had a huge dick!!".

From my 4 year old: What does a cake say when it gets into a fight?

You wanna piece of me?

What's the difference between a 4 year girl and a 40 year old woman?

A 4 year old's favourite toy is a rubber body without any genitals. A 40 year old's favourite toy is a rubber genital without any body.

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The 4 year old and the 7 year old

There was two brothers. One was 4 and one was 7. One night the older brother said to the younger one "I believe that we are old enough to swear now. In The morning we will both say a swear word to mum. Ill go first then you do it." The little brother agreed to this.

The next morning the mom a...

I was a house painter for 4 years...

I never thought I'd get that house done.

My 4 year old nephew's favourite joke.

Knock knock!

who's there?

Europe.

Europe who?

No, You're a poo!

Followed by devious laughter.

An Anti-Vaxx Mom visits her 4 year old child..

The flowers were withered.

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 4 years?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

Slightly tweaking a joke my 4 year old told me

What do you call it when a pig picks its nose and wipes it on a cow?

A hambooger

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Apparently as a 4 year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest

Goes to show that a lot of problems can be solved if priests could keep their hands off kids.

What's the difference between a 4 year old and 4 kilos of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let 4 kilos of cocaine fall out of a 49th-story window.

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There's a 4 year old and a 7 year old.

The 7 year old says, "Hey, let's say bad words!" The 4 year old says okay, so they go downstairs. They see their mom and she asks the boys what they want. The 7 year old says, "Give me some god damn Reese's Puffs." The mom slaps him and asks the 4 year old what he wants. The 4 year old says, "You be...

At least in 4 years

we'll be able to look back at this election with 2020 vision.

Joke from my 4 year old today

Son-Dad what did one hand say to the other?
Me-What bud?
Son-You sure do look handsome.


Followed by laughter and a full explanation of the joke.

My 4 year old came up with this one: How do you turn a fly into a mosquito?

With Magic.

Why didn't the 4 year old trust her doodle?

It was a little sketchy.

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A confused mother watches her 4 year old son...

A confused mother watches her 4 year old son. on the staircase, he has the family cat and a box of tic tacs, and he is slowly and methodically eating one tic tac, licking the cat, and moving down one step. He then repeats this, over and over.

He is about half way down the stairs when finally ...

From my 4 year old: "Dad, i just realized why these things are called nappies..."

" ...because its like a napkin for your pee, so its called na-pee!"

(proud dad moment)

My 4 year olds unintentional joke

Dad now don’t you make a mistake on the grill or you’ll get fired

My girlfriend borrowed $500 from me. After 4 years, when we separated, she returned exactly $500.

I lost interest on that relationship.

4 year old boy: "Dad I've decided to get married"

Dad: "Wonderful. Who's the girl?"

Son: "Yes, Grandma! She loves me, she cooks for me, she tells me stories."

Dad: "That's nice, but there is one problem."

Son: "What's that?"

Dad: "She happens to be my mother. How can you marry my mother?!"

Son: "Why not? You marri...

The puzzlebox said 2-4 years..

But I did it in only 3 months.

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My 4 year old cousin told me this and I cracked up

Cousin: Knock knock

Me: Whose there?

Cousin: Weeneeda maka change butt

Me: Weeneeda make change butt who?

Cousin: Yes Michael, we need to make a change, but who? Who will be the first to stand up? We have burned through our resources leaving the planet cracked and bruised...

Took me 4 years to finish the book

"Solving the Procrastination Puzzle". Nice Book.

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Even after my grandpa died 4 years ago, I still remember his final words

"STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE CUNT!!! "

My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?"

My mom answered "Who?"

"Your daughter"

courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago

A joke from my 4 year old niece.

Why did the snowman go to the doctor?

Because he lost his balls

Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of pidgeons do in 8 minutes

Attempt a coup

My 4 year old nephew desided to count, how many different jokes you can find on r/Jokes

- But Johnny, - I said, - you only can count to 20!

- I don't think it's a problem, - he replied.

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What do you call a Black Man with 4 years of medical school?

A doctor you fucking racist

A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren’t dumb

A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her “what’s 2+2?” The little girl shivers and squeaks out “T-three?...

My 4 year old cane up with this one. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lack toes.

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A 4 year old boy examined his testicles...

while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet', she replied

After spending 4 years studying men's hygiene products

I'm proud to say I've gotten my Degree

Why did the Soviets implement 5 year plans instead of 4 year plans?

'Cuz they were stalin'!

Was walking in front of my 4 year old daughter today who got me with this doozy today.

Daughter: Kock Kock!

Me: Who’s There?

Daughter: Impatient Cow!

Me: impatient Cow Who?

Daughter: MoOoooOoOOVE IT!

Me: **Proud moment**

Ok my 4 year old came up with this one, not sure he really understands how clever it is though... Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?

He wanted to eat some chicken.

I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'm going to be in 4 years...

I don't have 2020 vision.

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(NSFW) Two parents take their 4 year-old daughter to the zoo...

As they pass the elephants the daughter points at one and asks, “Mommy, what’s that?” The mom, seeing her daughter point at the elephant’s erect penis, says, “It is his trunk.”

“Not that, that thing,” says the daughter pointing at the penis.

The mom quickly responds, “ It is his tail.”...

My friend spent 4 years in jail for something he didn't do

Run.

I've spent the last 4 years looking for my ex-boyfriend's killer

But no one will do it.

A joke my 4 year old nephew made up. (It makes no sense, but still made me laugh.)

If the three legged turtle crosses the road what color is the rabbit?
Green! Because Space Jam was a good movie.

Today I finally returned to Mexico after spending 4 years abroad.

But no Juan recognized me.

My 4 year old nephew just came up with this joke and proceeded to laugh for 20 minutes after saying it...

When Batman cracks a joke...
He becomes the joker

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