UPJOKE

34 Year Jokes

I'm 34 years old and today I've been sober for 11 years!

Not in a row though.

In total.

My 34 year old son told me this one.

Son: What does Frosty the Snow Man use to go online?

Me: What?

Son: The Winternet!

Me: Get a job Larry.

I know this awesome guy who created a perfect joke everyone still laughs at after 34 years.

Thanks for everything dad.

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3 men visit Heaven

3 men die and go to Heaven. The men are greeted by god who explains to them that heaven is very large and they will need cars to get around. The car they are given is based on each mans faithfulness to his wife while living. The first man was married 25 years and cheated on his wife 30 times, he is ...

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My first post here

A 34 year-old man had undergone plastic sugery to make himself look like a 20 year old. He wanted to test and see if other people could guess his correct age. He went to a nearby shop and asked the shop keeper to guess what age he was.

The shop keeper replied, "About 20 years old".

Th...

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Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."

Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."

Mother: "Yes, you do."

Victor: "Give me one good reason."

Mother: "Because you're 34 years old, and you're the principal."

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken to the hospital

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up ?”

God said, “No, you have another 34 years to live.”

Armed with this divine insight, the woman decid...

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A young man was driving his old neighbor to get groceries

On the way there they spotted a woman attempting to jump off a bridge. They stopped and the old man got out of the car, he told her

"If youre going to die anyway would you want to have sex one last time?"

"Fuck off you pervert!" yelled the woman

So the old man replied "ok i gues...

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The definition of success is different for different ages

5 year old-Not peeing in your pants at night

12 years old-Having a lot friends

16 years old-Being able to drive

20 years old-Having a lot of sex

34 years old-Having a lot of money

54 years old-Having a lot of sex

65 years old-Being able to drive

70 ye...

Once there was a young boy

around 8 years old, who lived in a village at the bottom of a hill. On top of the hill was a temple where monks lived. One day, he heard a strange sound coming from the top of the hill. Curious, he walks up the hill and knocks on the giant doors at the front of the temple. The head monk answers the ...

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Heart Transplant Surgery

A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.


The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body reje...

Mans wife finds 25,000 dollars and two ears of corn in a secret trunk at their home

Wife - Why are there two ears of corn in this trunk?

Husband - I kept a ear of corn every time I messed around on you.

Wife - Oh that’s not bad, 34 years of marriage and only messed around twice? What about the 25,000 dollars?

Husband - Every-time I collected a bushel I sold i...

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