UPJOKE

300 Dollar Jokes

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Sex Shop Shenanigans

A guy started working in a sex shop. The boss said that he needed to leave for a while, and that the new guy would need to take care of the store until then. After a while with no customers, a white woman came in:
\- How much is that white vibrator?
\- 35 bucks.
\- And the black one? ...

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There's this Pimp and he's got 3 hos

This joke doesn't work when written, because there's elements of physical comedy involved. My intent is to teach you the joke and hope you use it well. Without further ado, here's the joke

There's this pimp and he's got 3 hos. He says to the first ho "Where's the 100 dollars you owe me" Sh...

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Govern...

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A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll bet you 100 dollars I can bite my left eye.”

The bartender doesn’t think he can bite his own eye so he bets him 100 dollars. The man takes out his glass eye and bites it. The bartender ends up giving him 100 dollars. The man comes back a few minutes later and says “I’ll let you get your money back. I’ll bet you 300 dollars I can’t bite my righ...

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Guy walks up to a bartender

And points at a cup about 10 feet away sitting on the bar. Man says, “I’ll bet you $300 I can piss in that cup and not get a drop anywhere else.” Bartender thinks on it for a second and he responds, “you’re on.”

So the guy stands up on the bar, gets ready, and pisses everywhere. He hits the d...

So a college teacher is talking to his male students...

"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."

Suddenly, a studen...

Once upon a time a boy asked a girl in a library

“Do you mind if I sit next to you” the girl shouts “I don’t want to spend the night with you “ everyone starts staring at him the boy feeling embarrassed sits at another table. A minute later the walks up to him and says “I study psychology you must feel embarrassed “ the boys shouts “ $300 dollars ...

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Two little girls play in a park with their dolls.

Two little girls play in a park with their dolls. One of the two little girls says to her friend: "Where did you buy your doll?"
The friend replies: "At Walmart, mom got it for 200 dollars; and you?"
The first responds: "Mum got it for 300 dollars at Target".
They then see a lady pass by wi...

A smart scientist amd a blonde girl sit down on a plane.

A very smart man boards a plane and sits down.
A blond girl sits next to him.

He is bored so he says to her

"Let's play a game, I give you a riddle if you cannot find the answer you pay me 5 dollars. If you answer it though you give me a riddle and I don't answer it I'll give you 30...

Saving on Car Repair

Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.
 \-
Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.

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A couple where lying in bed when the doorbell goes

The wife says I'll get that she gets up (naked of coarse that's the best way to sleep) puts on her dressing gown and goes to the answer the door. She opens the door to the neighbor Dave standing there staring at her. Without hesitation Dave says "I'll give you 300 dollars cash if you drop that dress...

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Daughter needs a prom dress

This is an old one but one of my favorites.

A young girl in high school is planning on going to her senior prom and needs $400 to buy the perfect dress that she wants to wear.
She goes to her father and asks, "dad can I borrow $400 to buy a dress for prom?"

He replies, "yea that's f...

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An anniversary story

An elderly couple is nearing their 50th wedding anniversary so the husband decides to do something to try and keep things fresh in the bedroom. After 50 years of marriage it’s not such a bad idea.

He goes down to the store and asks the shop assistant to show him a nice shear negligee. She sel...

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