UPJOKE

3 Inches Jokes

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3 inches of snow is enough to fuck Texas

Then why is my girlfriend complaining

It only takes 3 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn't matter if it's mastercard, visa or American express.

I bang my wife with a solid 9 inches everyday

3 inches in the morning

3 inches in the afternoon

3 inches in the evening



It adds up :)

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My penis may only be 3 inches...

But it smells like a foot

What’s 3 inches long and hasn’t been sucked in 10 years?

Whitney Houstons crack pipe

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Translated this joke from my native language...

A guy say (Billy) who had very small penis, came to know about a guy. who knew a word, which upon saying penis grows by some inches.



Billy went there, that guy sat on a hill, and to climb that hill, there was a rope. So Billy started climbing that hill, upon climbing, the man asked B...

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

3 inches

Weather girl: "and because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we expect about 3 inches of snow, or, as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches.”

I,m 6 feet 3 inches

But those two measurements are separate.

[NSFW] The average length is 2 to 3 inches, while the African species can grow to over 11 inches.

Porcupine quills really are fascinating

A butcher is 5 ft 3 inches tall, what does he weigh?

Meat

What's 3 inches and can satisfy a woman?

Your credit card.

What's better than stretching your ear lobe to 3 inches?

A job

Hey girl, do you want 3.3 inches inside you?

Because I always give 110%

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The Chinese have developed a new pill that increases the average penis size by 3 inches.

Reports say they will use it to interfere with the upcoming U.S. erections.

Wow! 3 inches of snow fell last night!

Or as some guys like to call it, 6.5 inches

A priest walks into a hotel

A priest walked into a hotel in the month of march and asked the manager- "is room no. 39 empty?

Manager- yes it's empty. You can take it

Priest: ok

Manager: And yes my room right in front of room 39 so if you face any difficulties just call me

Priest: ok and pls send a k...

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The doctor said "I have good news and bad news..."

The good news is that your dick grew 3 inches.
The bad new is it's malignant

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I met a girl at a bar who told me that she only dates men with 7inch dick.

Bitch I'm not going to cut 3 inches for you.

Donald Trump calls Angela Merkel

"Angela", he said, "you need to help me! The biggest condom-factory in the US burnt down last night. We really need 1,000,000 condoms! Could you help us?"

"Sure", Angela said, "shouldn't be that much of a problem."

"The condoms must have the national colors of America. Red, blue and wh...

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At first dates, every woman I ask says they're a "glass half full person...

But when I tell them I was talking about my dick, suddenly 3 inches means their glasses are all half empty

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A man goes to see his urologist

about a problem he's having. "Well," says the doctor, "let's have a look at the little- Jesus Christ, that's quite the schlong you've got there!" - "Yeah, you see, it's 15 inches and scares the girls away. I'd really like to have it shortened by a few." The urologist contemplates the man's request s...

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A Man and His Problem

A man had an extraordinary problem. He had a 15 inch penis. Naturally, it caused him great inconvenience in his daily life, so he wished to shorten his penis. He went to many a doctor, but they all confessed that it was beyond them to fix him. Having lost all hope, as a last resort he visited a wit...

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A guy had a very very very long penis

He had so many problems with it that he finally realised he needed medical attention.

So he goes to the doctor but the doctor says: "There is nothing we can do... although... there is this witch on the hill that might have a fix for you."

So he went to the witch on the hill.

Upo...

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(NSFW) Kevin had a 16 inch Dick.

Is dick was so big, he couldn't get any gals.

He went to a doctor, who was looking at the miracle unbelievably.

Doctor: "I..I.." the doctor stuttered, " Medical science cannot cure this."

"But..." the doctor says, "there is a wizard in the deep Lock Nock Lake. Go to him and he'l...

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There was a fly above a river

A fish sees the fly and thinks "If it comes down about 3 inches lower I can jump up and eat it". A bear sees the fly and the fish and thinks "if the that fly goes a few more inches lower, the fish will jump to get it and I can snag the fish in the air". A hunter who's been tracking the bear for some...

An unethical young scientist finds a frog on the side of the road



He takes it in for studying and sets it on his desk. The scientist prods the frog and tells it to jump. The frog leaps an astonishing 3 feet 8 inches into the air.

The scientist takes one leg off the frog, and then pokes it again, yelling "Jump". The Frog needs no further telling and ...

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What's the worst part about pissing outside in the winter?

Getting a 2 inch dick out of 3 inches of clothing.

Stay warm out there!

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My sex life is like a weather forecast in the winter.

I predict they will get 5-7 inches but they usually only get 2-3 inches.

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There's a man with a 15 inch penis...

This is a problem so he goes to the doctor to see what he can do about size reduction. The doctor says "sir, I can't do anything about it here. But I do know of a magic frog. Go into the woods, find the frog and ask it to marry you. Every time it says no, your penis will decrease by 3 inches."
<...

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What do a man have to do to be with a gorgeous woman like you?

A gentleman ask to a woman while both were grabbing some coffee. She reply: well a man have to have 1 million dollars, a super car and a 12 inches penis. The gentleman reply: to meet your expectations I could donate 49 millions to charity, gift 7 of my cars to my friends, but not even for a gorgeous...

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Tiger, I've got some good news and bad news.

"Ok Doc. Give me the bad news first."
"We had to implant metal rods in your legs which could impact your play."
"That's Terrible! I'm Finished! I'll never be able to compete again! What's the GOOD news!"
"You balls are 3 inches from the pin."

Hey baby are you a winter storm

Because 1 to 3 inches is in your forecast.

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What is the relation between my height and penis sise?

I wish both were 3 inches longer...

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A farmer and his best friend go to the city trying to get laid...

They walk into a club and the farmer immediately finds a girl to chat. He takes his hat off and start sweet talking the girl.

Unimpressed, the girl tells him: "I'll only go out with you if you have a 2.000 acreage farm, 10 thousand cows and a 7 inch dick.

Her words make the farmer die ...

Why are women so bad at parallel parking?

Because men have been trying to convince them that 3 inches is 6 inches since the beginning of time.

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A fly on the river (bit lengthy, bit racy)

First post here. This is the only joke I know...bear with me as its a bit lengthy.

There was a fly buzzing along a river near the shore, exactly 3 inches above the water. It was preparing to descend onto the surface of the river when a fish happened to notice it. The fish thinks to itself, "...

A guy just knocked on my door.

I opened it and he was about 3 foot 3 inches tall.

I said, “Who are you?”

He replied, “I’m the meter man.”

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My dick is like a dollar bill...

About 6 inches long, 3 inches wide, and you should wash your hands after touching it

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The was once a man with a 15 inch penis.

The man, however, isn't happy with it, because his wife says it hurts. Distraught, he goes on a walk, where he meets a leprechaun. The leprechaun, feeling generous and knowing of his problem (because leprechauns are all-knowing) agrees to shrinking his penis by 3 inches if he can get the hottest gir...

True story: I'm at a music festival with my wife and she is looking good.

I convince her to go to the port-a-potties. I ask here how high do you think the floor is off the ground. She says "I don't know, 3 inches?". I seductively ask her if she would like to accompany me in to the port-a-pottie and Join the 3 inch club. She looks at me sarcastically and says......"Oh, I'...

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A man and a woman are getting intimate for the first time

(NSFW) after some fooling around she pulls down his pants. To her surprise he is fully erect but only 3 inches long. She says to him "when we first met you said you had a big dick" "No..." he says as he reaches into his pocket. He takes a lighter out and puts it next to his penis. "I said I had a BI...

Why are women bad at judging distance?

(_hold your hands about 3 inches apart_)

They were taught that's 8 inches.

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I was talking with my friend and he asked my how big my dick is

I told him "3 inches, but that's ok. Some girls like it that wide."

I went to the doctor today for a checkup and he showed me on a chart that I'm 20 pounds overweight.

But, I pointed out that using his very same data, *I'm not overweight.* I just need to be 3 inches taller.

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A sciencey joke for y'all.

An American nuclear engineer is talking with a Japanese nuclear engineer about a new material they're planning on using for gamma radiation shielding. The Japanese engineer asks if he can see it in action, so the American takes a piece of iron about 3 inches thick and puts in front of a gamma source...

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There is a moral to this story

So there was once this fly flying around above the great lakes with no real destination, There was also this salmon stuck forever doomed to a fresh water lake, but it was one of the great lakes so it could have been worse. The salmon had noticed the fly flying around above the lake and thought to i...

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A beautiful woman approaches a man at a bar and asks

"How big is your dick?"

"depends on which of your senses you're using to measure" replies the man

"what do you mean?"

"well if you use your sense of sight it's 3 inches"

The woman sighs and begins to walk away. The man grabs her arm and says,

"but if you use you...

My friend gave me a new "magic" golf ball.

As long as you put to within 3 inches of the pin, the ball will always find its way to the hole.

He did not recommend I keep it in my back pocket.

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The Cure

Gus was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day Gus went to the store an...

An artist, a baker and an engineer are in line to be beheaded...

The artist goes first. They put his head in the guillotine and release the mechanism. It stops 3 inches short! The king decides that he'll be merciful and releases him! He's ecstatic!

The baker is next. They put his head in the guillotine and release it. This time it stops 2 inches short. The...

Doctor, i want to die.

An old lady visits her usual Doctor. And says " Doc, I've had a long hard life. I'm sick and tired of being constantly sick and tired. I just want to end all my suffering. So, I thought I would ask you where the best place to shoot myself would be. That would be quick and painless." To which the Doc...

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A man is having some trouble in bed...

... so he goes to see the doctor about it. The doctor does a full exam and pronounces that the man has premature ejaculation problems. To fix it, the doctor tells him to get something loud and surprising to stop it from happening.

The man goes to the local gun shop and decides that the best c...

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A lonely man goes to the doctor for a stuttering problem that prevents him from talking to girls

The doctor agrees to do a full psychological and physical workup to find out whats wrong. After several test the doctor says to the patient "You won't believe this, but you've got a 15 inch penis and it's so big the weight of it puts tension on all the muscles in the center of your body right up to ...

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About an inch

The UN is in session and the three major superpowers, the US, Russia, and China are trying to out do each other's achievements.

The US says "we have a missile that could reach any point on Earth with amazing precision and destroy it."

Everyone else starts chattering in disbelief and t...

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The stutterer

A man with a terrible stutter went to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the Doctor explained to the man that his huge penis was causing a problem with his diaphragm, which is why he was stuttering.

Well, the man was desperate, as his stutter had kept him from being able to talk to wo...

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