UPJOKE

3 Guys Jokes

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys bet on who can make their wife scream more from sex

They make the bet and decide to all go home and have sex with their wives and compare results the next day.

Next day comes along and they meet to discuss. Guy #1 says “I fucked my wife so hard, she was screaming for like 20 minutes.” Guy #2 says “that’s nothing. I fucked my wife with a dildo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys were at a sleep over

They just watched a horror movie so decide to sleep on the same bed.
In the morning when they wake up.
The guy on the left says "I had great dream where he was being wanked of by a hot blond"
The guy on right says "Oh shit, I had a dream where I was being wanked of but by a brunette"
T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was cheating on her husband with 3 guys.

During one night she noticed that her husband came home earlier. She told the guys to hide in the sacks. When her husband entered the room he asked "What are these sacks doing here?". The woman answered "Well, my relatives came by and left these as a present.".

The man walked towards the firs...

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

[Dad Jokes] 3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.

So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.



*Wow this blew up!! I didn't expect it to get so many upvotes! THANK YOU! I heard this joke from my friend today and I decided to share it with Reddit.*

*Thank you for the silver! First time receivi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are sitting around a campfire

One guy says to the other 2, “I’m the toughest guy here. One time I was out in the woods and I got attacked by a mountain lion! I wrestled with it and was able to stab it to death.”
One of the other guys says, “You think that’s tough? I was out in the woods and got attacked by a full size grizzly...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact ...

3 guys from Michigan go to Hell (long)

Three guys from Michigan die and go to Hell. Satan, being the kind of guy who takes his job very seriously, always checks on new arrivals personally to make sure that they are uncomfortable and their eternal torment is going smoothly and so on.

So he arrives at their cell and listens in for a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys were sitting in a biker bar.

A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.

He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face. And said, “I went by your grandma’s house and I saw her in the hallway...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys awake after a night of sharing a bed

The guy on the rightmost side looks over to the other two, and says,
"I had the weirdest dream last night, I dreamt that I was getting jacked off!"
He looks down, and surely enough, there's cum stains.
The guy on the leftmost side exclaims,
"Weird! I had the exact same dream..."
He l...

3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.

After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.

After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.

Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.

3 guys end up at the pearly gates...

St. Peter asks the first guy if/how many times he had cheated on his wife. He answers twice. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Honda Civic. The second guy gets asked the same question and he responds once. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Harley D...

3 Guy Talking About the Zombie Apocalypse

These 3 guys are driving on the highway at night, and begin having a conversation about what they would do if there was a Zombie Apocalypse .

The guy in the passenger seat says, "I quit smoking years ago, so I make sure I keep a cigarette hidden in my trunk. I would re...

God tells these 3 guys that the vehicle they'll be driving around in heaven will be a reflection of how faithful they were to their wives

The first guy was cheating on his wife like every month, so God gave him a Chevy to drive around in heaven.

The second guy cheated on his wife once or twice over the years, but overall was pretty faithful, so God gave him an Acura to drive around in heaven.

The third guy never cheated ...

3 Guys Go To A Ski Lodge, But There Aren't Enough Rooms...

So they're forced to share a bed.

Middle of the night comes around and the guy on the right wakes up hysterical claiming he had the most wildest dream--someone was giving him a hand job!

The guy on the left woke up and from all the ruckus and said that's an awful coincidence...he was ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys walk into a bar...

3 guys walk into the bar, and soon begin a competition.

The first man says, "I have small arms, I bet I have the smallest arms in the world!"

The second man carries on, "I have tiny feet, I bet I have the smallest feet in the world!"

The third man stands up proudly, and announce...

3 Guys are waiting in line to enter heaven

Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first guy, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've sus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Statistics show that 1 in 3 guys are gay.

Personally I hope it's Steve, he's pretty dreamy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys died and went to heaven

As they were standing in front of the pearly Gates jesus appeared before them and explained, unfortunately we have been running at full capacity and at the moment we can only let in people in who died in an especially horrific way.

The first guy started to explain how he died. I left work ea...

3 guys checked into the hotel

Their room was on the 45th floor and administrator 1warned them, that elevator works just till 12pm. They left all bags at the room and went to the restaurant. When they arrived, the elevator was no longer working and they had to walk by foot. so it won't be so boring, they desided to tell some joke...

3 guys walk into a bar

The fourth one ducks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys stand in front of the heaven gateway waiting to enter

Archangel Gabriel greeds them but tell them that because of new rules only the ones with a worthy death story may enter.

First guy in line: "Well.. I came home early from work and found my wife naked and exhausted in bed. I realized her deed and in fury I started looking for her lover and soo...

I saw an old man get jumped by 3 guys, so i decided to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the 4 of us.

3 guys camping in the woods

There were 3 guys camping in the woods.

They were talking, andeventually they end up talking about their significant others back home.

The first guy said his girlfriend is happy with him because she always tells him he's hung like a bull.

The second guy laughed and said that's n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys were at their final test to become FBI agents.

The instructor said " ok guys during this job we have a lot of information that can't be leaked. So to prove you will do anything to keep this information confidential we have each of your wives in a separate room. I want you to take this gun and kill your wife."

The first guy takes the gun g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Guys Appear at the Gates of Heaven suddenly!

St Peter is Surprised and asked the first guy how he got here. " I had come home from a horrible day at work only to find my wife in bed naked and cheating on me with another man. However I searched everywhere and I got so angry I picked up the fridge, chucked it out the window and then had a heart ...

3 guys stole a beer.

So three guys stole a beer and planned to split it 3 ways but they were very paranoid about being caught so they decided to wait the night out of town so as to not get caught. After leaving town you know they built a campsite and decided to take shifts watching their beer to make sure it’s safe... s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are hanging out

Friend 1: My wifes so stupid she spent $12,000 on a kitchen and she cant even cook

Friend 2:My wife's so stupid she spent $40,000 on a car and she cant even drive

Friend 3: My wife's so stupid she took 100 condoms on a business trip but she doesn't even have a dick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys go to hell...

3 guys go to hell, and the devil greets them for orientation.
"You each came here for different reasons" he says, "but I'm going to let you pick one vice, and you can do that, but ONLY that, for eternity."

So he goes to the first guy, who was an alcoholic, and after a moment of thought th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Guys in hell

This is the story of an engineer from intel, a guy from the pentagon, and a small skateboarder all three ended up in hell after signing a contract with the devil himself

so he says to them

\- I will give each of you a chance to go to paradise, but beware, no second chance, it's eith...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys die and go to heaven ...

... St. Peter is working the gate and tells the men, "All your paperwork appears to be in order. But before I allow you into heaven I need you to answer one final essay question. In 50 words or less, can you tell me the true meaning of Easter?"

The first man scratches his head, "Well, you cut...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys die

They go to heavean and the angle there tells them they will go to heavean depending on the relationship they had with their wife. The first man comes up and says I was horrible I cheated on her 5 times. The angel says ok here is this old tractor he goes up in the old tractor. The next guy comes up ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys and a strip club

3 guys went to a strip club. 1st guy went into a booth with one of the girls and she jerked him off with a donut.

He went back and told the other they needed to go back there.

2nd guy went back there and the same thing happened. The 2 guys told the 3rd guy he needed to go back, he'd ...

There are 3 guys in prison...

The guard asks the first guy how high he can jump. 1 meter he awnsers. Okay says the guard you get 1 sandwich.

#

The guard goes to next prisoner and asks how high the man can jump. 2 meters he says. Okay says the guard you get 2 sandwiches.

#

The third guy who was listeni...

A hardware store got robbed by 3 guys. All they took was 10 metres of rope...

Police have searched for them all over. Looks like they have skipped town.

3 guys are on a plane

First guy throws out an apple and the other two ask him why he threw it out and he said to see where it would land.

Second guy throws out an orange and the other two ask him why he threw it out and he said to see where it would land.

Third guy throws out a grenade and the other two ask...

3 guys walk into a bar

Three guys walk into a bar. They all walk into the bathroom, and the bartender was suspicious on what was going on. When the first guy came out, the bartender asked what they were doing in there. The first guy said that they were blowing bubbles. The bartender was confused, and he waited for the nex...

3 guys die and go to heaven

The first one gets to the gates and God says, “ok i see youve been married 10 years. During that time you cheated on your wife 1 time.” God proceeds to give the man a BMW to drive around heaven.

The second man gets to the gates and God says, “i see you were married 20 years. During that time ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are on top of a cliff

3 guys are on top of a cliff admiring the view, then god comes down to them and says "jump down this cliff and shout out what you want the most and you will find it on the bottom"

The first guy jumps and shouts "5 pound notes!". He land safely in a large pile of 5 pound notes at the bottom....

3 guys break down in the middle of the desert

The first one says he'll take the hood to use as shade.

The second one says he'll take the radiator because he can drink the water left in it.

The third guy says he'll take the door so if he gets hot he can roll the window down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys stuck on a deserted island (translated joke from my native tongue)

3 guys got stranded on an island. A white guy a black guy and an asian guy. They started to search the island to see of there's any sign of civilization. Little did they know that there's a tribe filled with indigenous cannibals. They were captured right away. But before they eat them they always h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys talking at the bar about sex with their girlfriends.

Guy 1 "my girl loves it doggy style."

Guy 2 "well my old lady loves to do it 69 style."

They look at the 3rd guy. Guy 1 asks "why so quiet?"

Guy 3 seems reluctant and they encourage him.

Guy 2 "hey we told you about our girls so spill the beans"

Guy 3 "well if I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys were on a plane

Three guys were on a plane to try skydiving. The 1st guy throws an apple and jumps out. He lands to find a child crying. He asks the child what was wrong.
The child says "an apple came from the sky an hit me on the head" the man apologises
The second guy throws a banana and jumps....

3 guys on a plane

The 1st guy has a penny,
The 2nd guy has a quarter,
The 3rd guy has a bomb,
They all throw them out of the plane then land to go see where they had fallen,
The 1st guy finds a kid crying and asks him why he is crying the kid replies "I was just playing here and a penny hit me on the head...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Guys Compete to See Whose Shit is the Worst-Smelling Shit.

It was agreed that to determine the smelliest crap, they would base it on the number of flies that landed on their respective feces.

The first guy proceeds to take a shit. After a short while, a sizable number of flies swooped in.

The second dude does his worst and unloads a big one. A...

3 guys and 3 nuns are at a baseball game.

The 3 guys are sitting behind the nuns and they can't see over the habits the nuns are wearing. Irritated, one of the guys says, "you know, I'm gonna move to Wyoming. I hear there are only 100 nuns there."

The second guy says "I'm gonna move to Nevada. There are only 50 nuns there."

Th...

3 guys stranded on an island...

After a plane crashed on a deserted island, there were only 3 guys left. As they roamed to look for supplies, they came across a magic bottle. After gently rubbing the bottle, a genie appeared.

*I am the magic genie and I have 3 wishes to grant!*
The men decided they’ll each get one wish....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are lost in the woods

They've been walking for a couple days with no food left and no water to drink. The 3 men are persistent in their search for some help and hike day and night until until they come across a small cabin in the woods. They see smoke drifting from chimney and what looks like a candle burning in the wind...

3 guys go to heaven

Three guys go to heaven. When at the gates, God encounters the three and welcomes them.

"Heaven has a lot of good things to offer, but I must warn you about the pink clouds. Don't ever touch them, or something bad will happen."

The three guys enter the gates and go for a walk

Af...

3 guys walk into a bathroom at a bar

After about 20 minutes, the first guy comes out of the bathroom. The security guard was skeptical, so he asked what he was doing in there that took him so long. The man replied: "I was blowing bubbles". The security guard laughed and the man walked away. Another 20 minutes passed, and the second man...

3 guys at the gate of hevean

So 3 guys died and now are standing next to the enterence gate of hevean. St.Peter says “we are running out of space, so we only allow in people with the best deaths. You will have to tell me how you died.
So the first guy is like “well i was suspecting my wife of cheating for a long time, so one...

3 Guys died at a car crash and all went to hell.

One was American, the second was Chinese, and the third one was Mexican.

The devil then said, "If you survive my flaming whip, you can go to heaven."

The three guys accept the challenge

The devil then says, "Ok, you can put on anything as protection from the whip.

The Ame...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are on a bus going to prison. Each of them were allowed to bring 1 item from home.

3 guys are on a bus going to prison. Each of them were allowed to bring 1 item from home.

They're discussing what they are bringing with them to prison. The first guy says "well, I bought a deck of cards. I figure I can play solitaire when I'm bored, I can gamble to make money in there, and l...

3 guys go out drinking one night.....

they get absolutely hammered and eventually find their ways home.

they all meet up the following morning for coffee and breakfast.

1st guy says: Man I was so hammered last night I went home and blew chunks!!

2nd guy says: That's nothing!! I woke up naked in the local park! No id...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys having lunch on a high rise construction site.

As they open their lunchboxes

1st guy says. Bologna sandwich again! If my wife packs me another bologna sandwich tomorrow I'm jumping off this high rise and killing myself.

2nd guy opens his lunch up. Ham and cheese again! If my wife packs me this lunch again I'll jump with ya!
...

3 guys die and go to heaven...

St. Peter was at the gate and said, "However faithful you were to your wife, that will determine the vehicle you will get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife; she was the love of my life and I told her every day. ". St. Peter smiled and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are out walking their dogs in the summer.

Eventually they decided to find some place to grab a drink, so they went to a nearby pub.
"Oh, damn" said the first guy. "no dogs allowed, guess we'll have to find another place to drink."
"What, are you kidding me? Watch this and do what I do." said the second guy as he pulled out a p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were 3 guys, exploring a jungle one day...

They were caught by a tribe of cannibals, but instead of being killed they were brought to the tribal chief.

The chief told them he would let the 3 live, but they had to do 2 things. First off, they had to go into the jungle, and collect 10 pieces of a fruit they find. They would be told thei...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are in a bar. First guy says, "Guys you know, my arms are really small.

I think I might have the world's tiniest arms." Second guy says, "That's weird, I reckon my head is like, the smallest head". The third guy goes "Guys, my dick is really small actually, I might just have the tiniest dick" The first man says "Do you know what guys, we should go down to the Guinness w...

3 guys are standing on a tower

They are pretty much bored until one of the guys proposes a challenge.

He challenges the other two to throw their watch of the tower and to run down as fast as they can to try and catch it before it drops to the ground. Each of them puts in $100, so the first one to catch the watch wins and g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are walking next to some mud and find some bricks.

They want to see who can throw the bricks the highest but can't seem to figure out how to measure the height that they threw it. One of the guys says "we can just measure how far the brick sinks into the mud." The other two agree to this. The first guy throws his brick and it lodges itself a foot a...

Say Peter is talking to God about 3 guys heading into heaven...

"They're not very smart, but they're nice, and I'm not sure whether to let them in or not."

God says, "WELL WE DO HAVE STANDARDS HERE. ASK THEM SOME SIMPLE QUESTIONS. IF THEY GET THEM RIGHT, LET THEM IN."

Peter greets the men and asks the first guy, "tell me what's Christmas for?"
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys and a witch....

In a small village there is a long standing rumour that the nearby woods was inhabited by a witch, several missing people and some strange smoke from a seemingly abandoned hut had fuel the rumours for years.
One day three local men decided enough was enough and made way to the woods for a few day...

3 guys are waiting while their wives give birth

A nurse emerges from the back and says, "Mr. David, come on back, your wife has delivered two beautiful babies!"

"Wow! Twins, huh? That's interesting, I'm from the twin rivers." Said Mr. David

After another hour, a second nurse comes into their room and says, "Mr. Smith, you wife has h...

3 guys were in an apartment and had to share the same bed for the night.

The next morning the guys decided to share their dreams they had the night before.

The guy sleeping on the left said, “I had a dream that I received the most amazing handjob!”

The guy sleeping on the right said, “No way! I also had the best handjob in my dream!”

The guy sleepin...

3 guys worked on top of the empire state building.

They all had the same stuff for lunch every day and they said if they had it again they would jump to their deaths.

The Irish guy had a different meal so he lived.

The German guy had a different meal so he lived.

The polish guy had the same meal so he jumped to his death.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys die after a Christmas party...

3 guys, after a night of drinking at an office Christmas party, get in their car to leave, only to get into a car crash a few moments later and die. At the gate of heaven, the angel says "because it's Christmas, you can pass through this gate if you have something on you that symbolizes Christmas"....

3 guys are lost in the jungle, they are soon discovered by a tribe of cannibals and are taken back to their village...

...the chief gives them a task to avoid death. "Go into the jungle and pick 10 of the first fruit you find." The first man finds plums and brings back 10. The chief speaks, "You need to shove all 10 into your back exit without making a facial expression or you will be eaten alive." The man shoves on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys in Heaven

3 guys get into Heaven. An angel greets them.
"Welcome to Heaven. You can have anything you want in here EXCEPT for your #1 indulgence when you were living on Earth. We may test your willpower so be careful."

The first guy was a huge classic car collector.
The second guy was ...

3 Guys on an island

3 guys are stranded on an island and one day they find a bottle.
When they pick it up a genie appears and says he will grant them each one wish.
The first guys says "I wish I was home" Poof.. He goes home.
The second guy says "I wish I was home" Poof.. He goes home.
The third guy says ...

3 guys go on ballon trip

Thre man go on ballon for a trip. First one takes a bag of apples with him. Second a sixpack of beer. Third a bomb. And off they go. After a while ballon starts falling so to reduce the weight they decide to throw of things they brought with them. First man throws his bag of apples of the ballon....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys crash in the Amazon

There was an American, an Englishman, and an Australian on a plane that crashes into the Amazon.
They were the only three that survive.
Whilst figuring out what to do, they are surrounded by an angry tribe.
"We are going to kill you and make boats out of your body" says the tribal leader....

3 guys come back late from a night of drinking...

They met for brunch for the next day.

Guy 1: I drank way to much, first thing I did when I got home I blew Chunks...

Guy 2: That's nothing, I wrapped my car around a tree on my way home.

Guy 3: I beat all of you, I was arguing with my wife and knocked a candle over! It destroye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys on a plane

3 guys on a plane who had never met, found themselves sitting next to each other on row of seats on a flight to Pittsburgh. After they had all sat down and got a chance to look at each other, something was strangely coincidental ... they each had a black eye.

The guy sitting in the isle seat ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Guys on a dock

There are three guys out on a dock fishing. One of them thinks he has a fish and pulls up an old bottle. *Poof* A genie appears. "I've been in that damn bottle for... I don't even know how long," says the genie. "I'm going to grant all three of you three wishes!"

The fishermen are ecstatic. T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Women,When a guy calls you hot,he's looking at your body,When a guy calls you pretty,he's looking at your face, When a guy calls you Beautiful,he's looking at your heart

All 3 guys still want to fuck you,though

3 guys are sentenced to death...

They say to the first one "you can choose how you want to die: shot, hanged, or with the electric chair". He says "getting shot is too violent, and I don't want to be hanged. I choose the electric chair". He sits on it, but when they turn it on the electric chair doesn't electrocute him, so he is le...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Guys go to heaven

3 guys die and end up at the gates of heaven. God appears before them and says "Congratulations you have made it to heaven however I have one test for you. If you can cross this flock of sheep, without touching any of them, I will reward you by letting you fuck a really hot girl. If you do end up to...

3 guys walk into a car

No not a bar. A car. They were looking at their phones while crossing the street

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are driving across the country

Their car breaks down just down the road from a farm. The guys decide to walk over to the farm to see if there is anyone who can help. A nice middle aged man greets them at the porch, offers them a tow with the tractor and takes a look at the car.

" Now I reckon it will be a while before thi...

3 guys walk into a bar...

Guy 1: Oh boy, I'm not drinking with you fellas. Last time I drank with you I got in trouble with the wife. Her parents were home for the night and when I got home I blew chunks in the living room in front of them.
Guy 2: That's nothing! When I got home my wife's mother was over and instead of sl...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.