UPJOKE

What's the difference between Yo Momma and a water buffalo?

About 25 pounds.


How do you change that?


Force-feed the buffalo or shave yo momma.


(I almost feel bad for trotting out a joke older than most Redditors but I can't.)

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A Texan buys a round of drinks...

.. for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just gave birth to "a typical Texas" baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations resounded. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How mu...

Lifting weights changed my life. I dropped 25 pounds...

Right on my big toe. It’s broken now I can hardly walk

I lost 25 pounds.

Just want to say I lost 25 pounds and I'm proud of myself. The last time I was betting on horses I lost £ 100,-.

Two of my favorite jokes by my favorite comedian

"Me and girlfriend..... we’re not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I’ve heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."

"My girlfriend has the great...

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Anyone Have Cocktail Sauce?

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, a man from Anchorage answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

“We’re sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens excla...

I ran 10 miles today.

Surprisingly hard when you're carrying 25 pounds of cocaine.

Not fat, just short.

According to the BMI chart, at the doctors office, I don’t need to lose 25 pounds! I do need to grow about six inches but hey, it beats dieting!

Weight loss

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about he...

A Soviet Corporal meets an American Corporal.

The American Corporal says,, American troops eat over 2000 calories every day!"
The Soviet Corporal takes out a calculator and after a while he responds:
,, That's impossible! No one can consume 25 pounds of potatoes daily!"

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BECOMING AMERICAN

Two Saudi brothers come to America and one buys a house on the west coast and the other on the east coast. They are so excited about being Americans and during their goodbyes they make a $10,000 bet: in two months they will meet again and the one that is the most American wins.

Two months pas...

Weight Loss Man

A man wants to lose weight. He sees an ad that boasts losing 5 pounds in one week so he calls and orders it. The next day he steps out his door and sees the best looking girl he has ever seen in just a sports bra, a thong, and a sign that reads "if you catch me I am yours". She runs and the man chas...

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Lose weight with this one weird trick!

Man goes to a fitness center, sees a sign on the door that says "Lose 5 pounds in one day! Only $10 to sign up!" So he pays ten dollars and enters. Inside there's an amazing attractive woman wearing nothing but running shoes and she says "If you catch me, you can have your way with me." The man chas...

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Happy Dog Chow

Last week at Walmart I had a big bag of Happy Dog Chow in my cart, and as I passed a woman shopper she asked me if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, a giraffe?

Well, I’m retired and always on the lookout for fun, so I told her I didn’t actually have a dog, but I was starting on ...

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