UPJOKE

Driving down a highway,I saw a sign that said "rest area 25 miles."

I thought to myself "wow,that's pretty big"

( Stolen from Steven Wright)

There was a blonde, redhead & brunette…

They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

A blonde, a brunette, and a ginger are on an island

They decide to swim the hundred miles back to shore, the ginger makes it 10 miles, the brunette swims 25 miles, and the blonde swims fifty miles, realizes it’s too far and swims back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well. You won't recognise the house when you get home - because we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from you...

James Charles, Justin Bieber, and bill gates were stranded on an island 100 miles away from shore and one by one they tried to swim off the island

First bill gates swam out 15 miles but then got tired and drowned. Next James Charles swam out 25 miles but got tired and drowned. Finally Justin Bieber swam out 50 miles and got tired and swam all the way back.

An unidentified aircraft gets intercepted by the French Air Force

The French Air Force calls the aircraft- "AIRCRAFT 20 MILES AWAY FROM TOULOUSE AIRPORT - YOU ARE BEING INTERCEPTED - RESPOND IMMEDIATELY"

No response.

They call again-
"AIRCRAFT 22 MILES AWAY FROM TOULOUSE AIRPORT - YOU ARE BEING INTERCEPTED - RESPOND NOW OR WE WILL BE FORCED TO SH...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his mother-in-law bought a new mattress, but there was no room in the car for the both of them and the mattress.

Luckily, the man had a ball of twine in his pocket, and after driving 25 miles, they safely got the mattress home unscathed.

Later that night, the mother-in-law came home and bitched out at him when she hit a low bridge while she was tied on top of the car.

A blonde, a Brunette and a Red Head were stranded on an island....

The island was 50 miles from the mainland and the girls all thought they might be able to swim back, so they all jumped into the ocean.
After about 10 miles, the Brunette said, "I'm not gonna make it!" And she drowned.

After about 25 miles, the Red Head said, "I'm not gonna make it!" And...

A blonde was speeding....

A blonde was speeding in a 25 mile per hour residental zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over.

The female police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde.

She asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse ...

A blonde, a ginger and a brunette are all stuck on an island 100 miles away from any other land...

Thinking they have nothing to lose, they decide to each try swimming back to civilization. The ginger goes first, but she can only swim 5 miles before she has to turn back. The brunette goes next, and she manages 25 miles, but she too becomes too tired and turns back. Finally, the blonde goes. Sh...

The man and the cat

There once was a man who hated his wife's cat.

One day he decided to get rid of it so he grabbed the cat and drove 5 miles away.

He got back home and to his surprise the cat was home before him.

Not wanting to give up, he picked the cat up again and drove 25 miles away
...

A highway patrol officer pulls a car over for going too slow on the interstate.

A highway patrol officer pulls a car over for going too slow on the interstate and, stepping up to the window, finds it to be occupied by two little old ladies.

The driver is calm as ever, but the woman in the passenger seat is shaking violently.

The officer looks to the driver and sa...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.