UPJOKE

24 Second Jokes

I am 24 seconds older than my twin brother...

... whenever I come out of the toilet I start a sentence with "When I was your age...." then proceed telling him the details of my majestic creation.

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race

The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be.
Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea:
A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap aroun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender is about to close down for the evening when a man walks into the bar.

The man sits down at the empty bar and says, "unfortunately i haven't got any money, but wondering if you would care to wager me for a yard of ale?"

Intrigued, the bartender inquires what the man has in mind for a wager. "You pour me a yard of that Blonde Ale over there....if I can finish ...

Bush, Clinton, Trump, and Obama decided to have a race.

Trump went first. His time was 9 minutes and 50 seconds. Obama did a bit better. He finished the race in 9 minutes and 45 seconds. Clinton came in 9 minutes and 24 seconds. And Bush did 9:11.

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