UPJOKE

22 Year Jokes

John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.

His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?"

"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."

"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.

"Th...

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 22 years.

Exactly 22 years ago Princess Diana was on the radio...

...She was also on the windshield, dashboard, and glovebox.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Dr. Jones, I'm writing to tell you my problem. It seems I have been married to a sex maniac for the past 22 years

He makes love to me regardless of what I am doing, whether ironing, washing dishes, sweeping, even sending e-mails, etc.

I would like to know if there is anything that ucnn hlp m wth nd f unothel gothsl ehj fpslth fjsl;s;;o{O} .lp sld mpskdli dlks; a;ld ;;'

Ccinsely ous,,, mdyl

My wife and I were happy for 22 years......

Then we met!

A 75 year old man with all white hair is dating a 22 year old girl. His girlfriend is pregnant. After the birth he asks the nurse “well nurse, how did I do?” The nurse replied “you did great she had twins.” The old man responded “ A little snow on the roof and I still got a fire in the furnace”

To This the nurse replied “ Well you may want to clean the filters because those babies are black”

My Uncle Jackie turned 80 years young today. He loves telling jokes. Here is one he tells every Thanksgiving, and it gets a huge laugh every time. Enjoy, and Happy birthday Uncle Jackie!

A 75 year old man, his hair is completely white, marries a 22 year old girl and she gets pregnant. Nine months later he is siting in the maternity ward, talking to the nurse.

"Hey! Well how'd I do?"

The nurse says "she had twins!"

"Hehehe! Just goes to show, even if there is ...

A very christian woman

A very Christian woman marries a very Christian man. Following the words of the Bible, "Be fruitful and multiply," they have many children. 16 over the course of 18 years, to be exact.

A few years later, the husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. The lady remarries another man, and they hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

it was an old man's 100 th birthday

at the party a gorgeous 22 year old blond sits on his lap and says "it's your 100th birthday! that's amazing! I'm gonna give you super sex for the rest of the night!"
the old man thinks about it for a bit and replies "I'll take the soup"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Finally, I am no longer a 21 year-old virgin

As of today I am a 22 year-old one!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly Jew bolts into a church confessional

St Patrick’s Cathedral. He pulls the curtain and says , “Father. My name is Saul Hershkowitz. I’m 73 years old and I’ve been with a 22 year old girl. The priest says “Saul, wait a minute. You’re Jewish. Why are you telling me this? And the man says “Hey Father, I’m telling everybody”

Scene (and heard) at the Confessional...

Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I am 67 years old and I am dating a 22 year old.

Priest: Wait! I know that voice! Mr. Singh, is that you?

Man: Yes, father.

Priest: But you’re not Catholic. Why are you telling me?

Man: I’m telling everyone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My work is fucking horrible.

Its mostly the people that work there:

First we have this dumb bitch. She is constantly conplaining about this and that. She is an 11/10 and cant solve a simple problem to save her fucking life. She is dumber than a box of rocks and i hate that i have an enormous crush on her.

Next we ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's Co worker is criticizing him for smoking

"how often do you smoke?"

"A pack a day"

"How long have you been smoking for?"

"About 22 years now"

"Really? Well I'll tell you why it's dumb, if you had saved that 15 dollars a day for 22 years, you would have had more than 100,000 dollars by now! That's enough for a Fer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 80 year old man is crying in a park bench...

A young man passing by decides to help:

"What's wrong?" said the young man.

"Well... it's just that I... I'm in love with a 22 year old." said the old man.

"I see, and she doesn't correspond?" said the young man.

"Actually we are married. The problem is that, everyday ...

What do I do?

An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to ...

Bought my dad a Zippo for Christmas

It'll compliment the cigarettes he went out for 22 years ago.

Still wrapped from last year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old married couple are reminiscing about their marriage

The husband says to the wife, "Do you remember when we first got married? Lived in that crappy little studio apartment, had that tiny black and white TV, and drove that rusty old Ford? My only consolation was getting to go to bed every night with a hot 22 year old. Now we have this huge house with a...

A surgeon offers a patient his choice of two hearts for transplant.

The 1st heart belonged to a 22 year old Olympian in peak physical condition who died tragically.

The 2nd heart belonged to an 80 year old obese sedentary politician.

Without thinking twice, the patient chooses the 2nd heart.
Shocked by his choice, the surgeon asks “Why did you choo...

When I went to the park today, I saw an old man sitting on a park bench crying.

I asked him what was wrong.

He replied, "I have a beautiful 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning, and then gets up and makes me pancakes, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I asked, "Well then, why are you crying?"

He says, "She makes my favourite lunch...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 70 year old guy goes to see his doctor

He tells the doctor he got himself a 22 year old sugar baby and is having sex 3 times a week.

The doctor asks if he has any aching joints or pain, and the guy tells him no.

The doctor then asks if he thinks he has an STD, or has had any itching, and the guy says no, and goes on to say ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is sexy now that wasn't 20 years ago ?

A 22 year old.

Jigsaw puzzle

I got my 22 year old brother a jigsaw for his birthday 2 weeks ago. He ecstatically phoned me today telling me he had just finished and that he was so proud of completing it so quickly. Confused, I asked why he was so proud if it took him 2 weeks. He replied "Because on the box is it says 2-4 years"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two College Students

Two college students were sitting at a law course. The professor hated them and will always pick on them with the purpose of failing them. One day, one of the students stands and says,

"Ok, professor, I'm tired of you trying to fail me, so let me ask you a question about law since you are so ...

Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.

He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him.

“Congratulations Harry,” his boss said. “I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for 22 years, and I’m sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.”

“B...

Guy speeding in his car. Eventually a cop catches up with him:

Cop says, Sir why was you speeding? Guy replies, my wife disappeared 22 years ago, and every time I see a police car I panic:

I am dreading the day when they tell me they have found her, and they need me to take her back home:

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rottweiler, a Pitbull, and a Great Dane are in kennels at the vet

The Rott says, "My owner's kid got close to my bowl while I was eating so I bit her face. I'm here to be put down."

The Pit says, "I keep getting nervous and pissing all over the carpet. My owner's sick of it and I'm here to be put down."

The Dane says, "My owner is a beautiful 22 year...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job advertisement

A company was searching for someone to pack items. The only requirement for the job was to be able to count to ten.

The first applicant comes in and is asked to count to ten.

>10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1

Well, that's backwards. Can you also do it in the correct ord...

Legal but not Logical

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pop my Cherry

A man was driving down a remote road when his car broke down. There was no cell service so he walked to the nearest farm. He was approached by a farmer.

“How can I help you?” asked the farmer.

“Can I use a phone, my car broke down?”

“All the phones are down, I can drive you i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men come across a genie

Three men are walking in the forest when they find a lamp. They rub it, and out pops a genie.

Genie says, "I will grant each of you three wishes. What will they be?"

The first man says, "I wish for a billion dollars." Immediately, he is given a paper showing his account balance to be ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ship went down on a reef...

There were only three survivors; a 25 year old man, a dog, and a cat.

They were washed up on a deserted tropical island. Food and water were no problem, but after a month the man started to get the urge to have sex. As there were no other people, he was forced to choose between the dog and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two pilots are on a routine flight.

One is a Caucasian man with over 22 years of experience as a pilot. His co-pilot is a Iranian-American man who started the job just 2 months ago. This was the first time the two have flown together, so small talk is very little.

The white guy decides to break the ice. "So, you know anything a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The farmer's lonely son.

A rural married couple had only one child - a son. And when he got to be about 22 years old, his father realized that he had never seen him with a girl. He told him one morning, "Son, you need to go out and find yourself a girl and get married." The son went and found a girl and came back. His fathe...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.