UPJOKE

I love my 2 dogs Rolex and Timex.

They’re watchdogs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When 2 dogs meet each other

(This is a joke my dad told me when I was a kid)

Once a long time ago, there was a king who loved hunting. His favorite method was hunting with dogs. So over the course of his life he gathered as many dogs as he could find and used them to hunt his game.

One day he came up to his dogs...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 dogs are in a bar

Dog 1: "I heard a great joke today"

Dog 2: "Let's hear it then"

Dog 1: "Knock kno..."

Dog 2: goes fucking mental

A guy with 2 dogs walks into a bar

A guy walks into his local bar with two dogs. "I didn't know you had dogs," the bartender comments. "They're not my dogs," the guy replies. "They're my sister's." "Wow, your sisters are ugly," the bartender says.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 dogs were very curious about how humans did sex so they hid under the bed when the owner brought home a girl

Dog 1 : Did you see that? She has only two teats?

Dog 2 : Yeah, and his tail is wagging in the wrong direction!!

Sergei was walking his 2 dogs.

Someone asked their names.
Sergei replied Omega and Rolex.
The person said he has never heard such names for dogs.
Sergei replied that they were Watch dogs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 dogs were chillin' one day...

...when one of them says to the other "You ever notice that people always let another person lick their genitals instead of doing it themselves?"

The other dog exclaims " Holy shit! A talking dog!"

After tennis, I came across 2 dogs fighting in the park

so I whistled and threw a tennis ball into the brush. They immediately stopped fighting and chased after the ball. Minutes later they returned, but didn't have my ball.

So I gave them a no ball peace prize

What do you call 2 dogs with no legs on a leash?

A drag race

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 dogs were at the vets

One says to the other "what are you here for?" The other says "my owner got sick of me fucking her everytime she bends over, so I'm being put to sleep". "That's terrible!" The first dog says.

"What about you, what are you here for?"

The first says "I've also got a habit of fucking my...

Got a tattoo on the small of my back of 2 dogs sharing a plate of spaghetti.

It's a Lady and the Tramp stamp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a family of 3 goes to a zoo .

The daughter Clara sees 2 animals fucking around and she asks her mom what they're doing. The mom says they're baking a cake and then after seeing the rest of the zoo, they go home. Then on the way home she sees 2 dogs doing the same thing. She asks again and gets the same answer. The mom again say...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Make more puppies!

Little boy and dad are walking down the street. See 2 dogs fucking.
Kid: what's happening?
Dad: they are making puppies!

Later that night, kid can't sleep. Hears noises from parents' bed room, goes to investigate.

Dad is on top of mom, both naked, grunting.

Kid is shocke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life lessons,truly

A boy and his daddy are driving down an old country road. The boy looks out the window of the truck and sees 2 dogs getting it on on the side of the road. He turns, and looks at his father and asks "Dad,what's all that about?"
His father thinks quickly,then replies
"Well, son that right the...

Cats and Dogs

God was relieving St. Peter at the Pearly Gates one day when 2 dogs and a cat arrived.

God said to the first dog, a labrador, "Why should I allow you into heaven ?"

The dog replied "I was a loyal dog to my master and I drowned after I had saved his baby son in a flood"

"Excellen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little indian boy asked his dad..

Dad, where do I get my name?

The dad replied, "well, when your sister was born, we saw a deer running, so we named her running dear, and when your brother was born we say a slow moving turtle, so we named him slow turtle


Any more questions 2 dogs fucking?"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.