A Scotsman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone. After he hangs up, he orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Scottish baby boy weighing 18 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 1...
An older man is finally able to leave the Soviet Union in the late 1980s for the first time in his life.
His wife and son have already left and settled in the States, and he's finally able to go and join them.
On his way out through the Soviet border, the guard looks through his luggage and finds a bust of Lenin.
"What is this?" he asks.
"Don't ask me *what* this is, ask me *who* ...
I’m tired of the Facebook ads telling me I can lose 18 pounds and 8 inches in a month.
Losing 18 pounds would be cool, but I don’t want to be five-foot two.
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