UPJOKE

16 Years Jokes

AskReddit is 16 years old next month ...

Typical teenager, it has an answer for everything.

16 years ago the pope died.

And when he got to heaven he was greeted by angels.

"How are you mr.Pope?"

"Wonderful, I am so delighted to be in the gracious kingdom of heaven."

After checking the pope in the angels gave him a tour of heaven. Het got to see giant fountains, beautiful parks, and a huge mansio...

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When the 16 years old daughter comes home high as fuck...

...and crushes in the couch next to her father, and smells like good weed, the father becomes suspicious and looks in her eyes, not knowing what to say, he asks her:

Ahmmm mm what did you do all day, the squirrels told me you smoked weed, is it true??

The daughter answers: aaa mmm yeah...

When I was 16 years old I told my mom I wanted to get a motorcycle...

She said, "You are not buying a motorcycle. My brother, your uncle who you never met, died in a horrible motorcycle accident. You can have his bike."

Did you know to that tin can was invented 1810, but the can opener wouldn’t be invented for another 16 years?

So until then they were just called can’ts.

Jared Fogle was sentenced to 16 years in prison

He told the jury that he was happy with anything under 18

My car will be 16 years old this year.

I can’t wait for it to start driving itself.

Was told this on my wedding day 16 years ago by my 8 year old nephew...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and tells the bartender this is his first time at a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender hands him a bottle and says “Hey, did you know we have a drink named after you?” The grasshopper shakes his head in amazement and says “What?!? i didnt know you had a drink named...

TIL that Vladimir Putin, Russia's President, was a KGB officer for 16 years...

He was the crème de la Kremlin

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I had sex with a 16 years-old on an elevator

It was wrong on so many levels.

Ready to feel old? Smashing Pumpkins’ "1979" came out in 1995, with 16 years between the title and the year of release. If it were written today it would be called

“March, 2020.”

When I was 9, I was touched by an Angel.

Angel Martinez, currently serving 16 years.

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I never forget my sons first words...

"Where the fuck have you been for 16 years"

A North Korean soldier runs across the DMZ and yells to the US Army "Kim Jong Un is an idiot!" and gets thrown in a labor camp for 16 years by the government.

1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and the other 15 for revealing a state secret.

BANG BANG BANG

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay and the surgeon decides to leave the bullets where they are as it is too risky to operate.

All is fine for 16 years and then one ...

[Long] First time buying condoms

When I was 16 years old, I bought my first pack of condoms. I was very nervous as I walked up to the pharmacists. She asked if it was my first time buying condoms. I told her it was.

"Do you know how it works or should I show you?" she asked

"I would like a demonstration", I replied....

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A woman pregnant with triplets goes into a bank...

...just as its being robbed. The robbery goes wrong and she gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she manages to live.

She was rushed to the hospital, where the doctor after examination tells her that
the bullets can't be removed but she and her children will be alright, and th...

United really has gone downhill. Their service used to be great.

Hell, 16 years ago they would fly you right to your office!

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My friend told m this idk if it’s from someone else

So a pregnant lady with triplets is at a bank … and it starts getting robbed, the bank robber shoots her three times in the stomach. The doctors miraculously save each baby.




about 16 years pass and each shield is old and healthy, one girl and two boys.


The girl say...

It's 2020 and I’ve been happily married for five years

Not too shabby as I got married 16 years ago

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The definition of success is different for different ages

5 year old-Not peeing in your pants at night

12 years old-Having a lot friends

16 years old-Being able to drive

20 years old-Having a lot of sex

34 years old-Having a lot of money

54 years old-Having a lot of sex

65 years old-Being able to drive

70 ye...

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.

Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up

What is the difference between a cow and 9/11

You cant milk a cow for 16 years

Butcher Shop

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?

Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She ...

People keep talking about the snow up North...

They forget that 16 years ago this week, we got 14 feet in Texas.

My dad is the greatest magician of all time

He did a vanishing trick over 16 years ago and still hasn't been found

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Heart Transplant Surgery

A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.


The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body reje...

So there's this woman, pregnant with triplets...

....And she's at the mall one day. A man comes out of no where and shoots her three times in the stomach. The woman is rushed to the hospital, and miraculously, all three babies survive. She gives birth to two daughters and a son, all without any problems for the first 16 years.

After these 1...

The Ultimate Dad Joke said by a Mom

There was a beautiful, young woman named May. May Elizabeth to be precise.

May Elizabeth married a young man named Jack Johnson. She kept her maiden name, and stayed May Elizabeth.

This couple had a girl, and named her after the mother; May Elizabeth Jr. Now, May Elizabeth Jr finds her...

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I always smoke after sex.

I've quit now for 16 years.

Fun prank...

Make them study for 16 years and then don't give them jobs

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A woman pregnant with triplets...

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking past a bank, suddenly an armed thief bursts out of the doors. Startled by her voluptuous figure the thief shoots her in the stomach three times before escaping.
After being rushed to hospital the doctors deliver the news to the woman.
"I'm happy to tel...

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A farmer with one cow lives in a tiny farm with his wife, and three sons.

One morning he stepped outside to milk the cow, only to find it stiff and unmistakenably dead in its meadow. The farmer drops down in despair.

'How am I supposed to support my family without our only source of income?', he exclaims. In utter disbelief he walks to the shed, grabs his shotgun, ...

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A woman pregnant with triplets goes into a grocery store and gets shot 3 times in the stomach during a robbery...

She is rushed to the hospital and all known tests are run on her. The doctor approaches her and tells her the children are all fine, but it's too late in the pregnancy to safely remove the bullets. They would fall out in their own time.

The woman gives birth to 3 healthy kids. Two girls, and ...

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