UPJOKE

15 Feet Jokes

Did you know Alligators can grow up to 15 feet?

Most only have 4

Why are lawyers always buried 15 feet deep?

Because deep down they're good people.

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

From this, the team concluded that the Britain was advanced enough to have telephone connections in their cities 150 years ago.

In response to this, American archaeologists started their own expedition. They dug up to a depth of 20 feet and found an even more expansive network of copper wires...

In the future, TVs will be 15 feet wide, only 2 inches tall,

and movies will still have those damn black bars on the top and bottom.

When Lord Nelson died he was 5 feet tall. His stautue in central London is 15 feet tall.

Thats Horatio of 3:1

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A man tells his doctor about his wife's poor hearing.

In order to determine the level of hearing damage, the doctor tells the man to ask his wife something from 15 feet away, Moving 5 feet closer and trying again if she doesn't respond, until she responds.

The man then goes home and sees that his wife is cooking.

He stands 15 feet behind ...

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Three Farmers, a Pig and a Monkey

Three Farmers are raising a pig for the fair, trying to put their brains together to beat everyone else out. One of them gets the idea to put a cork in its butt, "if it can't poop it will get huge!" So they do this, and when the fair comes it's the biggest pig the county has ever seen and they win. ...

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife

He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it ...

When the zookeepers come in the morning, they find a kangaroo wandering the zoo...

They put it back in its environment, and add barbed wire to the top of the fencing to keep it from jumping out. Yet the next morning once more the kangaroo is found out and about, relaxing near the arctic exhibit.

Perplexed but not perturbed, they return it to its enclosure and call in the c...

A man was concerned that his wife was losing her hearing.

So, he went to see a doctor but without his wife because he was afraid that his wife might get angry.

When he explained this to the doctor, the doctor understandably said, "I can't treat someone without seeing them! Bring her with you tomorrow"

But the man pleaded, "Please doctor, just...

Typical dumb blonde...

Billy-Bob and Jimmy are standing at the base of a flag-pole, looking up and scratching their heads, when a beautiful blonde woman walks by and inquires about their purpose.
"We've been hired to find out the height of this here flag-pole, such that we might fit it properly with the flag of this gr...

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I Got Pull Over Today (real conversation with cop)

So….today I got pulled over about 15 feet from the front of my building on my way to work for rolling a stop as I was putting my seatbelt on. I just left it unbuckled so he didn’t think I was trying to pull one over on him.

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because I’m an...

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God and Jesus go golfing

God and Jesus go out to play a round of golf. Their first hole is a par 3 and Jesus tees off first. He hits a great shot and the ball lands just a few feet shy of the hole. God goes next and hits a shot that goes 15 feet. All of a sudden a squirrel runs out and grabs the ball and starts running away...

An old man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?”

The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you.”

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing din...

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A city slicker retires to the country...

Following a successful career on Wall St, Jim buys some land out in Nebraska to live a simpler life.

He has some of the land cleared and a huge, brand new ranch built.

Construction crews finish up, landscapers complete the final touches, and he moves the family in.

The next morn...

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The Golfer's Dilemma

You're playing in your club championship. The final round is just you and one other guy, match play. One the 18th tee you're up 1 with honors. You smack your drive straight down the middle; the best drive you've hit all day. Your opponent steps up and hooks one into the woods.



You do...

A Hindu, an American and a Russian

An American, a Hindu, and a Russian land in Purgatory. A grey-winged angel with a huge whip hanging from his belt meets them and says: "Alright, here's the rules. Anyone who takes three strikes from my whip without screaming, can go straight to Heaven. You can shield yourselves with whatever you lik...

Miracles revisited

So Jesus and Moses are standing on the shore of the red sea one day. They're talking and Jesus says, "Let's see if we can still do the old miracles?"

So Moses steps up the Red Sea and slams his staff on the ground and claps his hands together and starts to slowly spread them, the sea follows ...

A man and a well

A man is walking through the woods when he finds an old well. He’s tired, so decides to sit down, but as he does the side gives way and he falls in. About 10 feet down he manages to catch a tree root, but another 15 feet below him is the deep water, and the walls are too slick for him to climb up. D...

A man goes to the drug store for some condoms.

There's a spinsterish middle aged lady behind the counter, and he's a bit embarrassed, but makes his request. The lady asks what size he wants, and he gets a bit more embarrassed, and tells her that he doesn't know that they come in sizes. The lady tells him it's ok , there's a fence out back with s...

This guy goes to the doctor worried about his wife's hearing...

Man: Doctor, my wife is not hearing well lately. But I don't want to tell her as it will make her upset. Can you give me a pill or something that I can slip in her drink and make her hear better?


Doctor: Well, I need a bit of information first to prescribe you the right drugs. How bad is ...

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A man goes to confession at his local church...

He sits in the confessional box and begins to confess his sins.

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. This week, I took the Lord’s name in vain.”

“Tell me what happened, my son” replied the priest

“Well, Father. I was out golfing on Wednesday afternoon and I’d been playing a gre...

A man was driving in the middle of nowhere down a secluded country road far from any cities.

He got a flat tire, and got out to walk for help.After walking for some time, he came to a small stone monastery. He knocked on the door and roused the monks. "I've got a flat tire. Can I use your phone?" He asked.

The monks said they were sorry, but they did not have a phone. "If you stay t...

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