I've been talking to a 13 year old girl for about 2 weeks now

We've been texting a lot lately and she just told me she's an undercover cop, that's quite impressive for her age.

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From my 13 year old brother: I had to pause my game today to take a massive poop...

It was the Call of Doodie.

A 13 year old man walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "There's no such thing as a 13 year old man."

I invited my girlfriend of 3 months to a party for my 13 year old nephew. She let out an audible "awww," told me how sweet I was and that my invitation meant the world to her.

Should've seen the look on her face when I told her it was a search party.

A 13 year old boy is getting braces

The young boy is self conscious about the entire ideal. The Orthodontist asks him what color he would like.

Boy: Is clear an option?

Orthodontist: Unfortunately no.

Boy: I don't want it to be obvious, so I think I'll stick with white.

Orthodontist: So it blends with your ...

A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar...

A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar and approaches the counter. The bartender immediately notices the underage weasel.

"Sir, you look extremely young. I can't serve you even a single beer."

"Oh c'mon. You can't just slide me one?"

"Can't and will not serve to anyone under age....

Wife was cleaning 13 year old son's room

When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?"

Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't spank him."

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My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

What did Michael Jackson say to the 13 year old?

Just beat it

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My 13 year old son was victim of a stabbing in North London.

Cradling his head on the cold, wet pavement I heard him mumble,
"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. Get me a priest,"
"A priest?" I said. "We're not Catholic."
"No," he cried. "But I don't want to die a virgin."

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What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?

A virgin.

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I was offered sex with a 13 year old girl today. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course I declined because I am a person with high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla at your nearest drug and convenience store. Act now and save $1.50 off your next purchase. Batteries no...

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So I've been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. She's funny, flirty and sexy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop...

How cool is that for someone her age??

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I told my 13 year old son about masturbation today...

He’s a newcomer!

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What’s one thing a 13 year old boy asks his balls and his fortnite squad?

When are we dropping boys?

What's the difference between a 13 year old and the Senate?

After tonight, Roy Moore won't be in the Senate.

My 13 year old son told me this last night.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put the wrong sock on this morning!

A man wins the lottery...

[*I heard this joke for the first time as a 13 year old at a family party. So imagine my mild mannered German 70 year old great uncle calmly telling this joke to the whole table. I had never heard him tell a joke before. It's still one of my favourite jokes*]

A man wins the lottery after year...

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Pop my Cherry

A man was driving down a remote road when his car broke down. There was no cell service so he walked to the nearest farm. He was approached by a farmer.

“How can I help you?” asked the farmer.

“Can I use a phone, my car broke down?”

“All the phones are down, I can drive you i...

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The priest and the sacristan were competing to see who had fucked more women...

...So they decided to stay in the middle of a busy street, one on each side of the street. If some woman walked between them, they would say "BANG" if they had sex with that woman.

The 1st woman passes by: The priest proudly says "BANG" while the sacristan stays quiet.

The 2nd women pa...

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A pregnant woman gets caught in the crossfire of a bank robbery...

She gets shot, and wakes up in the hospital only to see a doctor standing next to her bed. "Wha-what happened? What's going on?" She says. To which the doctor replies, busy and indifferent, "Well, I have good news and bad news...the good news is your pregnancy is unaffected and you will have your tr...

My 13 year old told me this joke....

Him: I want to start a dating website for Indians....
Me: a dating website for indians? [scratching my head wtf]
Him: yeah I am going to call it connect the dots.

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A man is driving a car through the woods...

Suddenly, he stumbles upon a frog and he immidiately stops. He leaves his car, and the frog thanks him for stopping and offers him 3 wishes. The man is confused, but eventually he has these 3 wishes:

1. I want a huge house
2. I want a basement full of money
3. I want 2 women in every ro...

What do you call a depressed gang member?

An emoji... Emo g, get it? From my 13 year old son

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One day...

.....out on the farm the owner of the farm goes to his 13 year old son and says, "Son, take this last duck to town and sell it so we can buy our cow some food."

The son agrees to, and as he is walking down the road he passes by a woman. The woman says to the boy, "Son I will fuck you for that...

Always find the silver lining

A family was exiting a funeral. When the 13 year old son asks, his mother: "what will happen to us if you and Dad die?" The younger daughter knew. Without hesitation, she says "We'd go in the limo."

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