UPJOKE

12 Disciples Jokes

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A nervous young priest…

is preparing for his first sermon. He goes to the elder bishop for advice, who tells him ‘Take a glass of vodka up with you, and every time you start to feel nervous, take a sip. Everyone will just think it’s water and it’ll help calm you down.’

The young priest follows the wise elders advice...

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Dave's wife is out for the night and he decides to eat some shrooms. He passes out and wakes up at the pearly gates of heaven.

St Peter greets him and explains that he's actually died from eating some bad shrooms. However, if he makes dinner for Jesus and his 12 disciples *AND* they happen to like it, he'll be revived back on earth.

He enters a huge kitchen, packed with every kind of ingredient imaginable. Dave coul...

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The new priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the Bishop how he had done.

The Bishop replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
...

The last supper

Jesus goes for supper with his 12 disciples and asks the inn keeper, "Would like a table for 26, please."
The confused inn keeper replies "But I see only 13 of you here. Are we expecting more?"
Jesus replies "No. We are all going to sit on the same side of the table."

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My Lyft passenger told his friend why he needs to stop pushing religion on people.

His conversation went something like this:

"You just cant push Christianity on people, it doesnt work. Because at the end of the day, no matter how successful you are, they want to go on living their lives!"

"I dont know about that..."

"I mean for sake, they say that Jesus ...

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