Why didn't they let the 11 year old into the pirate movie?

Because it was rated "Arrrr!"

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I had a problem with my computer yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."


I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fi...

My 11 year old Niece told me this joke today.

A dad is driving his three kids to school. The first kid asks, "Dad, why did you call me blossom?" The dad answered, "when you were born and we left the hospital, a leaf fell from a blossom tree. So we called you blossom."

The second kid then asks, "why did you call me Daisy?" The dad answere...

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An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to grow hair between her legs.

She got worried and asked her Mom about the hair. Her Mom calmly said " That part where hair has grown is called a Monkey, be proud that your Monkey has grown hair. " Next morning at breakfast she told her sister. " my moneky has grown hair. " her sister smiled and said " That's Nothing, mine is alr...

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2 pedophiles are sitting on a park bench when an 11 year old boy walks by...

One pedo leans over to the other and says "boy he must've looked good back in the day"

I told a co-worker I got a new set of windshield wipers for my 11 year old Sonata.

He said "Good trade, man".

As an 11 year old girl, I find online dating really frustrating

Whenever I meet up with someone, he gets arrested.

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My 11 year old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games

My 11 year old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

His reply: “I can only dream.”

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11 year old johnny decides to curse

Johnny was 11 years old and his little brother was 7.one morning Johnny decides its time to start cussing and his little brother agrees. a little while later their mom yells up the stairs and tells them to come down for breakfast.

When they get downstairs Mom looks at little Johnny and asks ...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

"Daddy!? What is going on?!" the kid spurts out, ...

What are the most powerful biscuits in the universe?

The Infinity Scones...



My 11 year old just came up with that one on his own...

From my 11 year old cousin: What do you get if you cross a pond with snowshoes?

Wet.

Why are atoms selfish?

Because they're all that matter!


...Courtesy of my witty wife after my 11 year old asked the "Why should you never trust atoms? - because they make up everything" joke.

I thought surely the joke already existed, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Doesn't entirely work, but it got a l...

What’s the perfect ‘S’ word?

Sword.

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My Grandma sat me on the porch one day.

I was 11 years old.

She sings
"Ree Ree hit him in the knee, Rass Rass....
Hit him in the other knee"

11 year old me rofl'd

What did the ranch say to the fridge?

What did the ranch say to the fridge?

Close the door, I’m dressing.



My 11 year old daughter just told this at dinner and I told her I would post it to reddit.

An 11 year old boy just told me his anti-vaxx joke

Knock knock!

“Who’s there?”

Unvaccinated kid!

“Unvaccinated kid who?”

Oh never mind, it’s an open casket funeral.

My 11 year old cousin just told me this knee-slapper

What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall?

"Damn"

Who stole the heart of Massachusetts?

Nan took it. (Nantucket). Joke written by my 11 year old son.

My 5th grade class took a field trip to a funeral home - the director told us this joke

Why do you always have an extra chair at a funeral?

For rigor mortis to set in.

Seriously....the funeral director told this joke to a bunch of 11 year olds.

What happens when a kidney smokes weed?

It gets kidney stoned.

As told by my 11 year old son.

What is a trees favorite dating App?

Timber

As told by my 11 year old

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What kind of cow has two legs?

Your mom.

Sorry... But my 11 year old just told me this and I lost my shit.

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Kids are so ungrateful these days.

I got my 11 year old nephew a trampoline for his birthday, and instead of thanking me, the little cunt just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

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How do they decide which cows to use for beef jerky

They pick the bull.ies. (Joke my 11 year old son made up)

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What do Japanese people say when someone takes their panties?

"Those aren't ja-panese!"


My 11 year old just said she made this up. I had to share.

What did the regular hotel room say to the fancy hotel room

Oh suite!

This was made up by my 11 year old son, I thought it was fist bump worthy.

Deer nuts are always the same price worldwide....

Always under a buck! lol


My 11 year old son told me this joke today and thought I'd share with everyone.

What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend

Flush

I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day.

Why are cats always drunk?

Because they have WHISKYers.
(OC by 11 year old me, no hate pls)

A couple is walking in communist Russia...

They feel a slight precipitation.

"Is it raining?" Said the husband.

"No, its snowing." Said the wife.

"How about we ask this communist officer here? For he is in the right always."

"Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining, comrades." Offic...

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A woman has an appointment with her gynecologist...

and while she freshens up beforehand, she grabs a spray from her older daughters room who's 17 and sprays her ladyparts.

She goes to the appointment, and her gynecologist is like "My, we dressed up today, right?".

And she's super pissed, picks her two daughters up from school and fumes...

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According to statistics one in three people live next to a paedophile

Thankfully I just live next to some really hot 11 year olds

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A pastor uses the church's restroom before morning service begins.

As he's finishing up in the stall, he hears fast breathing and grunting in the stall next to him, and realizes that whoever's in there is masturbating. He exits his stall and washes his hands, then he hears the toilet flush and the culprit steps out of his stall. It's Jim, an 11 year old boy.
...

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Man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks into a pharmacy and says 'I need a dozen condoms for my 11 year old daughter.'

Pharmacist- 'Your 11 year old daughter is sexually active?!?!?'

Man- 'Well not really, she basically just lays there like her Mother'

The Cursed Frog

One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool. 

"What's wrong with you?" said the priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is beca...

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cab drivers

A woman and her 11 year old daughter are travelling late night by a cab. They pass by a red-light district. The daughter, not knowing they are prostitutes, is curious as to what the dressed up women are doing out so late on the streets.

The mother wanting to preserve her daughter's innocence,...

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