UPJOKE

11 Inch Jokes

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I have an 11 inch penis.

I'm 1100100% serious.

King George was only 11 inches tall...

...so he was unfit to be a ruler.

We got a 12 inch pizza from the store, but we measured its diameter of 11 inches.

They owe us a pi.

Hi my name is Dave I’m five feet, 11 inches

...Those are 2 different measurements!

[NSFW] The average length is 2 to 3 inches, while the African species can grow to over 11 inches.

Porcupine quills really are fascinating

Why did they make the hand on the Statue 11 inches long.

Well if they made it 12 inches it would have
been a foot.

One day a man walks into a bar and to his amazement, he finds a tiny person playing a tiny piano.

*Stunned the man asked the bartender where he got this amazing person. The*
*bartender replied that inside the closet there is a* genie *that will grant him a single wish.*


*The man* dashed *into the the closet and as the bartender said, there was a genie inside.*


*Wit...

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What does a man with an 11 inch penis eat for breakfast?

Well this morning I had toast.

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A woman looked at my naked body and said, "I thought you told me you had 11 inches?"

I should have explained that I measure from my butthole.

The human hand has a limit of how long - from wrist to fingertips - it can grow to of 11 inches...

... because if it’s longer than this, it’s a foot.

Donald Trump calls Angela Merkel

"Angela", he said, "you need to help me! The biggest condom-factory in the US burnt down last night. We really need 1,000,000 condoms! Could you help us?"

"Sure", Angela said, "shouldn't be that much of a problem."

"The condoms must have the national colors of America. Red, blue and wh...

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An African, an Indian and a Chinese...

were hiking in the rainforest when they were captured by a tribe of savages. All tied up and about to be killed the chief told them the only way he'll let them go is if their dicks add up to 20 inches in length. The African whips his out and and it's an impressive 11 inches, the Indian pulls his out...

During the cold war

The USSR had an epidemic of unplanned pregnancies, so they unwillfuly asked the US for aid since they dudnt had the technology to produce good condoms. They didn't wanted to look weak so they asked for 1 billion 11 inch condoms. The Americans got their request and didn't wanted to look weak either, ...

Growing Up

My son, Bob, was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.

When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now ...

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My wife caught me with a sock on my cock. "What are you doing? That's not a foot, you dirty bastard!" she screamed.

"It's damn near 11 inches!" I yelled back.

One of the worst dad jokes I have heard.

Me: Dad my foot hurts!

Dad: How do you know it's a foot, it could only be 11 inches.

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A coroner comes home from work and sets his lunchbox down, laughing to himself...

"Wow!" he tells his wife. "You should have seen this autopsy I did today! The guy must have had a schlong at least 11 inches long and fat as a beer can! I've never seen anything so..."

He trails off as his wife bursts out sobbing. "Oh no!" she says. "Fred's dead!"

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink...

He sees another guy drinking, and notices he is sitting next to a tiny person playing a piano on the bar.

"Nice piano player" the guy says. "Where did you get that."

The drinking guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lamp. "Here, rub the lamp and you will get three wishes." He sa...

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Once I summoned the Devil to grant my every wish.

The Devil appeared in my summoning circle, pitchfork in hand, horns on his head and a smirk on his face. 'Alright, mortal, I'll grant you three, but no more 'til the usual fee!'

As planned, I immediately shouted, 'I wish for 900 more!'

'No can do, unless you're willing to cough up!'...

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