UPJOKE
usain boltstarting blockssprintjim hinestrack and fieldiaafsummer olympicspacetorsoelaine thompson400 metresrunning trackhome straightnamibia100-yard dash

100 Metre Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl: "My first time having sex was a lot like the 100 metre dash..."

Boy: "What, over in ten seconds?"

Girl: "No, eight black men and a gun."

I've just beaten my personal best record at 100 metres sprint!

My record is now at 54 metres.

What is white and in the Olympic 100 metre track final?

The lines.

A woman goes on a business trip overseas, leaving her husband behind to look after the house and kids.

After a few days she calls up to see how everything is.

"Everything's fine" he says. "The kids are finally sleeping OK without you here, and my boss has given me an extra week off until you're back. Oh! I forgot to say, the cat's dead! She was hit by a car!"

"What!?" Says the wife. "A...

A Swiss mountain guide gives his tourists the final instructions on how to behave when climbing the Matterhorn.

"So when crossing from the summit ridge to the Hörnligrat, you have to take good care that you don't slip. If a mishap should still happen to you, then do not miss to look sharply to the left after 100 metres of free fall. There you have a fantastic view of the Dufour peak".

A friend of mine called me and said, “Come out tonight, and I’ll show you a good time.”

Later, he ran the 100 metres in less than 12 seconds.

I met a gorgeous girl in the bar last night and she promised to show me a good time...

So we went outside and she ran 100 metres in 9.69 seconds

I hate capitalism,

so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Speed of Light is 3*10^8 metres per second. What then is the Speed of Darkness?

100 metres over 9.58 seconds.



edit: wow this blew up overnight! How do I flair this as racist?

edit2: holy shit I was tired when I wrote this. My physics teacher will kill me. I wrote time/distance instead...

I come from a mixed race family

My mum prefers the 100 metres, my dad is all about the relay.

I am born to mixed-race parents

...but my mom preferred the 100 metres.

I'm really good at fighting....

I won my last fight by 100 metres

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.