01 Jokes

Astronaut 02: thereisnospacebar

Monday January 01, 1900

to feel like a bomb disposal expert.

Guy walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint;

"That will be $0.05 please sir".

"Wow, in that case I will have a shot of whisky too"

"Certainly, that will be $0.03 sir".

"Damnnn, OK and a packet of crisps".

"0.01 please sir, $0.08 all together".

... read more

One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives.

The left half, more prone to rati... read more

$0.0000001

101

01 who can read in binary numbers, and the other 01 who can't.

'Coz you're 01/10.

01- Those who understand binary

10- Those who don't

11- those who write bad jokes on binary

*I'll see myself out*

01. *LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR*

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. *ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. *KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM*

When u dial a wrong numbe... read more

"Son," he said, "I want you to stop drinking at midnight. OK?"

"OK." I sighed, closing the front door.

I came back home at 3:15am, opened the front door, and he was waiting for me on the sofa.

"Alright there, daddy!" I shouted.

"*Daddy*?" he frowned. "You're drunk as a sk... read more

In Instagrams







eta: yes, I saw the typo in the subject, about .01 after I hit "post", of course. Oh well! C'est la vie.

The 1-01-11 's of computer science

12.01: 1


12.02: 0


13.16: 1


13.17: 0


16.24: 1


16.25: 0


...


...


...

Naturally, they're two for €6.01.

The mathematician responds first, and says, "It is trivial to prove that a unique solution exists." The physicist goes next, and says "The answer will virtually always lie between 1.99 and 2.01." And finally, engineer says, "It looks to be about two, but let's play it safe and call it three."

But old habits die hard. The bread is on special, two for $6.01

**I've worked out this Corona Virus!!!**

**IT'S BEEN CREATED BY WOMEN!!!**

***Think about it.....***

01, No Sports.

02, All Pubs to shut.

03, 14 Days Quarantine *(so you can finally get those odd jobs done)*

04, Symptoms of Corona are flu like ......  THEY K... read more

It's at 8:01 PM. The earth will block out the sun and it will go completely dark during a period of about 10 1/2 hours.

An Afghan man walks across a busy street when an old lady says ''Please my son, give me $1 in charity.''

''I don't have any.''

''If you don't have that just give a tiny little bit. Praise God, look at your youth, your tie, your strength and beauty. May I be sacrificed for you, just gi... read more

#1

A Gentleman comes to the shop and asked,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After Half an hour he comes again and asked again,

- Give me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Coca-cola.

After one hour he comes again and asked to the shopkeeper... read more

The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.

The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, ... read more

A man is leaving his village for the first time to visit the big city. His fellow villagers don't want him to get ripped off, so they give him some advice - never agree to the seller's price... always ask for half the price.

So the man arrives at the city, and sees an umbrella store. He heads... read more

Phone statistics in third world countries:


Boy to Boy 00:00:59

Boy to Mom 00:00:50

Boy to Dad 00:00:30

Boy to Girl 01:23:59

Girl to Girl 05:29:59

Girl to Boy Missed call

Husband to Wife 00... read more

"I told you to stop drinking at midnight," she shouted.

"I did," I replied.

She said, "Well, why are you so drunk then?!"

I said, "Because I carried on at 12:01."

I'm not dumb (usually), but this one joke doesn't seem to make any sense to me. I found it randomly, on a site that had a collection of kids jokes. I asked all of my friends, and none of them get it either. Here it is:
"Why do knees break?"
"Because tape comes off!"
I found it here: [bad ki... read more