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Vibrator Jokes

what do a and tofu have in common?

They are both meat substitutes

15% of women admit to having used vibrators.

The other 85% said they bought them new.

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A new has gone on sale.

Its so realistic that just before the woman reaches ,


It cums, farts, goes limp then switches itself off!.

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A mother was walking down the hall, when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom... When she opened the door, she found her daughter scantily clad on the bed with a .

"What in God's name are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I’m 35 and still...

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When a woman gets a

It's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when a guy orders a 240 volt Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating , elasticized with non-drip collecting tray, together with optional built-in realistic scream 7.1 sound system, he's called a pervert.

I bought my girlfriend a pink for valentines day.

She told me as long as she has me she won't need it. I told her "actually that's what I'm here to talk about"

The Earth is a Giant

Earthquakes are just god turning it on.

A local farmer just successfully grew a field of vibrators.

Unfortunately, now he has a problem with squatters.

What did the banana say to the ?

Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!

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I've started a non-profit that delivers dildos and vibrators to women in need...

It's called "Toys for Twats".

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My wife bought a .

I wouldn’t say it’s her favorite toy, but it’s definitely up there.

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What do a and a farmer's alarm clock have in common?

They're both electronic replacements for .

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I went into a shop today and was shocked to find out how much all of my wife’s vibrators cost...

She’s sitting on a small fortune...

How do you know when a blonde has been using a ?

Her teeth are chipped

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What's the difference between King Charles and a ?

One is Camilla, the other is an entire empire!

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A woman walks into a shop and asks the man at the counter, "D..d..d..do y..y...you hav..hav...have vi..vi...vibrators?", she says stuttering

"Why yes, maam, we do."

"D..d...d...do you hh...h..ha..have th...the b..b....bbig ones?"

"Yes maam, we do."

"How d...d....d...do you t...t...turn them o..o...off?

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What do you call a on a Christmas tree?

A pornament.

Let's just take a moment to salute the genius who invented the .

"If you build it, they will come."

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door...

She heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a .

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'

The daughter replied: 'Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get ...

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Voodoo

A man is going on a business trip and he wants to buy his very attractive wife a to pleasure herself when he's away. He goes to a shop and asks the woman behind the counter to give him the best she has. The woman shows him some of the vibrators on display and says, "these are ...

Recent studies have shown that 67% of women have used vibrators

The other 33% have brand new ones

I have a new word for ...

selfie stick

A and a banana are lying on the table.

The banana asks the : "Hey, sonny, why are you trembling so much for? Is this your first time?"

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A young boy walks in on his sister with a .

Innocent and confused about the anatomy, he asks, "What are you doing? Where is your ?"



Not wanting to explain the real stuff, the sister replied, "I lost mine in an accident. I was just massaging the wound. "



The boy says, "You should learn from mom. She keeps her...

Survey results show 64 percent of women have used vibrators.

The rest have new ones.

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

What do you call a recharging ?

Boyfriend on life support.

Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like using a with no batteries

Sure it fills you up but with none of the buzz.

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Banana says to the ...

Banana: "Why the are you shaking, I'm the one that will be eaten".

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A woman walked into a shop and asked to buy a .

The shop assistant beckoned with his finger and said " Can you come this way."

The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need a ."

What is the leading manufacturer of vibrators?

Genital Electric

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What happened after the got arrested?

It was charged with battery.

Do you think the guy who invented the heard voices saying . . .

"If you build it, they will come."

For her birthday I bought my wife a variety of vibrators...

A dishwasher, a washing machine and a lawn mower.

What do you get when you put a in sheep skin rug?

A baa hum rug!

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How can I improve this joke I wrote?

A man one day hears a buzzing noise from the spare bedroom in his house and when he goes to open the door it's locked. His wife walks out 15 minutes later looking very relaxed and he asks her what that noise was.

She tells him its the new she bought and its amazing! The next day the ...

I recently bought a

figured I'd shake things up

The longest relationship I’ve had is with my first .

We were together 7 years. Off and on.

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What is the difference between a and the 12 European Super League club owners?

The European Super League owners are real dicks.

Why don’t Hillbilly girls use Vibrators?

It chips their teeth

Have you tried the new, ultra-realistic ?

"No, how does it work?"
"Right before you climax it comes, goes limp, farts, and turns itself off."

A mother hears a humming sound from her daughter's bedroom and walks in.

Finding her daugher sitting on the bed using her she asked, "What are you doing?!"

"I'm a 35 year old woman living with my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to a husband, " replies the daughter.

The mother silently leaves the room. The next day, the father hears a hu...

Have you heard about the Transformer who turns into a prostate ?

I finally understand what they mean by ***"robots in these guys"***

I stole a once

I did it for the buzz.

A woman accidentally crashed her car into a van because she was using a while driving. The hospital said she is in “stable and extremely relaxed” condition.

The driver of the van said he never saw her coming.

An electric toothbrush is basically a tooth .

It hits all the spots..

My wife would use a a lot when she was pregnant

Now my kid has a pretty bad stutter

What type of batteries do vibrators use?

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDs

Why did my girlfriend switch out the batteries in her ?

Because the other ones just didn’t energizer

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I'm starting a charity for girls that can't afford to buy vibrators

It's called **Toys for Twats**

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Jokes 118 The Stuck

A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem
She was very shy about her emergency problem, ...

A young woman approached a salesman in a department store and said, "I need some batteries for my ."

The salesman motioned with his finger and said, "Come this way."

"If I could come that way," she snapped, "I wouldn't need the damn ."

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Shop Shenanigans

A guy started working in a shop. The boss said that he needed to leave for a while, and that the new guy would need to take care of the store until then. After a while with no customers, a white woman came in:
\- How much is that white ?
\- 35 bucks.
\- And the black one? ...

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Did you hear about the new officially branded Robocop ?

Some people are saying it's too strong or two intimidating. As just a point of this, as soon as you switch it on, a mechanical voice yells, "dead or alive, you're with me!"

What's in common between the and soy

They both try to substitute meat

A banana and a

were laying next to each other on a
counter, with the buzzing away. The banana turns to
the and says, “I dunno what you’re getting all worked
up about. She’s gonna eat me.”

How do you know if a chick used a while she was pregnant?

The kid stutters

Drunken Uncle joke: Why don't blondes use vibrators?

It has a tendency to chip their theeth.

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I gave my wife a moulded from a cast of my own for her to use whilst I'm away on business

and she's just sent me a text to say that she's tried it out and it was just like the real thing.
The batteries ran out before she reached .

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A woman goes into a shop to buy a ...

She says to the guy behind the counter "give me that red one behind you" he goes "sorry a fire extinguisher"

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For her birthday, I bought my wife a pair of shoes and a .

If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go herself.

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Magic

A businessman needs go out of town for work. His wife is a addict and cannot go more than a day without . Fearing that she will cheat on him, he decides to buy a toy for her to keep her occupied while he is away. He goes to the nearest shop. He tells the shop owner about his wife. The...

The guy who invented the was bat $hit crazy.

The voices in his head said “Build it and they will ”.

She threw her on the subway tracks...

It didn't work; the train didn't come any faster.

Why is the government encouraging more American made vibrators?

They want to increase their gross domestic products.

My girlfriend and I don't have a , but she'd love to use one in the bedroom.

I'm posting this from my iPhone, so if you guys wanna actually pleasure a woman for once, drop a comment or two.

A woman goes to the ER with a stuck inside her. After careful examination, the doctor tells her:

"Miss, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news... The is stuck in a way that we will need to operate to remove it.
Good news... >!It sits at an angle where I will be able to change the batteries for you.!<

A woman walks up to the pharmacy counter and asks if they have any vibrators...

The pharmacist nods and steps around the counter. He waggles his forefinger at her and says "come this way..."

She says "If I could come *that* way, I wouldn't need a !"

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