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Strangling Jokes

What do you call someone who gets off by someone yelling in their ear and strangling them?

Otoerotic asphyxiation.

What do you say when you see a Chelsea winger strangling someone?

Choking Hazard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Holding down the power button until my device turns off feels like strangling someone until they stop breathing.

Except I usually hope my device turns back on.

One day John asks his friend Arty to borrow a dollar

Of course Arty obliged and lent his friend the money without a second thought.

A few weeks had passed by and everytime Arty asked John if he could have his dollar back he would reply "no worries mate, I'll have it next time I see you." This went on for sometime until one day Arty passed John...

Every time someone shakes my hand

they are strangling my girlfriend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Buddy is down to the final interview of finally realizing his lifelong dream of becoming an FBI Agent...

It’s down to him and 2 other candidates. The three candidates sit in a room together waiting to be called in for the final interview. The first candidate goes in only to reappear minutes later upset and storms out muttering something about “taking things too far”. The second candidate goes in, again...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy has a horrible wife.

She screams at him, hits him sometimes, and his life becomes miserable. The problem is that he’s a Roman Catholic, and he can’t divorce her. He’s sitting in a bar one night telling his friend his problem, and his friend says ”Why don’t you have her killed?”
The guy says “I don’t know anyone who d...

A woman walks into a designer dress store, trying to get a job...

She walks up to the manager and says, "I'm the best damn salesperson you could ever have! I want a job."

The manager, admiring her moxie, says, "That's wonderful, but *any*one can just *say* they're the best."

Without missing a beat, the woman says, "Give me anything. It'll be done in ...

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