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Pun Jokes

Pun enters a room, kills 10 people

Pun in, 10 dead

Tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork…

Think I nailed it!

Pun enters a room, kills 10 people

Pun in, 10 dead

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns...

Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

I've posted 9 puns here in this sub but none of them got upvoted. If this one doesn't either, then...

...no pun in ten did

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.

No joke.

My wife says if I don’t stop making puns about Russia, she’s going to hit me.

If that’s the way it’s going to be, then Soviet.

If I had a nickel for every bread pun

I'd have a pun-per-nickel.

I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did

Awful pun I came up with whilst drunk last night.

Who is the Australian Frankesntein's favourite singer?

Rihanna, mate.

While most puns make me feel numb...

...Math puns make me feel number.

The Most Dad Joke of Puns!

All the best Puns are written down on paper. That way, they're truly tear-able.

Also it's my cake day!

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs...

Because they always take things literally.

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted,

"Oh, pun the door"

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Old (no pun intended) but funny

One day at a home for the elderly, a man visiting his grandfather, goes to one of the public toilets.

As he is peeing, he notices an old man standing next to him at the urinal, peeing with two streams, instead of one.

The elderly man sees the confused look on the man's face...

Why do kleptomaniacs hate puns

because they always take things, literally

my friend told me that tool puns aren't funny

I said I disagree because I think awl puns are funny

There’s a 12-step program for pun users.

But it dozen work.

Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns

Canoe believe that?

The only way to become a pun master

Is to decapitate a pun master. It's the only way to get a head in the pun industry.

I'm writing a theatre script on the history of puns

It's going to be a play on words

New pun just dropped

Try this one on for sighs

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Puns are the number one, highest form of comedy.

But poop jokes are a solid number 2.

[fake] edit: It's your duty to post your best worst puns now.

Ideas for Physical Puns/Jokes?

I enjoy doing physical puns/jokes to brighten up work, but I'm running out of ideas. Any ideas people have would be greatly appreciated!

I work in a school, so child-friendly jokes would be best.

Examples of ones I've done so far:

- putting a leek in the cupboard and panicking a...

A terrible pun

What is a mathematicians favourite food?

Pie

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Hitler pun

"Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals."

Hitler: "So mine less."

Grammar Nazi busts in.
"MINE FEWER."

(Hitler looks up) "Yes?"

Puns about communism arent funny

unless everyone gets them.

Immanuel doesn't pun.

He Kant.

Pun Fact

If you accidentally inhaled an edible… you would have high aspirations.

My wife warned me to stop making breakfast puns…

She said I’d be toast. I replied, our son keeps egging me on, he’s such a ham.

I'm ashamed to share my most recent math pun..

It's | garbage |

Temptation (Severe pun warning)

My best friend was getting married to his long time partner Edith.

Some of his friends took him to a bucks/stag night away. While at a bar he was approached by a beautiful woman who whispered in his ear.

He smiled and whispered back in her ear.

She frowned and walked away. ...

There are two types of puns.

The great puns, which are great to hear, and the grate puns, which grate your ears.

You shouldn't be surprised at how your wife reacts to your puns. After all...

...she's a groan woman.

Gonna be getting on the trend of binary puns and going to be writing 10000000 binary puns.

Update: Sometimes I byte off more than I can chew.

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

Why did the penguin make a fish pun?

Just for the halibut.

Musician Pun

The bass singer accidentally got the soprano's sheet music before a concert. Boy, was he in treble!

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Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.

Well, that and sex.

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Wife and I making bird puns in bed

We were laying in bed, when I looked over and said "hey make like a bird and swallow this dick!" She smiled and pulled my pajama bottoms off. I closed my eyes awaiting bliss, when all of a sudden she repeatedly head butts my dick. After scrambling away and gasping in pain, I looked at her and exclai...

What does a good Jewish pun receive?

A standing oy-veytion.

NOTE: Joke is meant with the greatest respect and love.

I have a pun about Elton John

It's a little bit funny...

Business Trip Pun

A man on a business trip went into a singles bar, approached two women, and offered either of them two hundred dollars to spend the night with him. One girl stormed out in a rage, but the other remained cool, calm...and collected.

One bird can't make a pun.

But toucan.

so... about geology puns

So, right, geology puns need to hit ***hard*** , i suppose.. To make the jokes better you can add a ***layer*** into it, the delivery should be ***segmented*** and indicated to make it easier to understand the joke, you don't always need to fulfil this instruction tho, i mean we didn't need to do no...

A tree pun

Why can't you be in a same room with trees?
Because they'll leaf

Does anyone know any good tree puns?

I'm pining fir a new one, but they're not that poplar.

My dad doesn't really like puns, so we told him our top 10 to see if any could make him laugh...

No pun in 10 did.

Some very beefy puns...

What do you call a cow with no legs?

>!ground beef.!<

What do you call a cow with one leg?

>!Steak. !<

What do you call a cow with two legs?

>!Lean beef. !<

What do you call a cow with three legs?

>!Tri-tip. !<

What ...

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Warning: no pun alert, I repeat: not a pun

A man from Serbia was working in Germany for about ten years now and he was getting nostalgic for his home country so he went to the boss and said to him: " Boss, I have been woking hard all of these years and I would like to have a 2 week vacation to return to Serbia". Boss approved his wish so he ...

If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun..

I'd have toucans.

I take my puns VERY seriously

(no fun intended)

There are many problems with math puns.

Calculus jokes are mostly derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.

But the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

does anyone know any good sword-fighting puns? I'm trying to think of words that have...

...a duel meaning.

Warning! Nun pun...

They’re “creatures of habit.”

Someone told me they could tell better cheese puns than me.

I told him to leave the provalone.

What's the difference between a pun and a fart?

A pun is a shift of wit.

I remember meeting a guy, before the days of the Internet, who wanted to try and start a new 'Joke Format' and I'm interested to see if it catches on.

It's like a 'knock knock' Joke in that you have a set-up line response sort of thing like this:

1. 'I started a new business'
2. 'Oh yeah? What business are you in'
1. 'The Rollercoaster business'
2. 'And how's business?'
1. 'it has its ups and downs'

Or

1. 'I s...

Here's an actual joke from my 6 year old

What is the pirates favorite part of the house?



The back-yarrrrrghd!



He was very proud of this joke and wanted to know if it was a good pun.

Why are written puns worse than puns spoken aloud?

Puns on paper are tearable.

FINALLY A QUALITY PUN (Un intended)

FINALLY A QUALITY PUN

OFFICER: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers

Detective: Dear God !!!

OFFICER: Most likely yes

I have a space pun

But i need a little more time to planet

Bad pun #3

I didn’t want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop but when I got home all the signs were there.

I make bad puns.

That's how eye roll.

Bad pun #2

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?!

It’s alright, he woke up.

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Stupid pun i just thought of

A boy comes home to his dog after being a weekend away at the beach as he plops onto his bed he takes a big sniff and asks himself:
“did the dog crap or am i just imagining shit?”

I once entered a weather pun competition

I beat the raining champion.

a pun walked in, killed 10 people, the news paper headline was..

Pun in, 10 dead.

I like my puns like I like my sausages...

the wurst ones are the best.

I don't care if you don't like space puns. I like space puns.

Comet me bro.

A horsey pun for you :)

What does a horse do to slow down for a glass of wine? It de-canters!

Puns about Norse gods...

are Loki the best.

A great pun...

is its own reword.

In 2020 we're going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision

I can see it clearly.

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A national newspaper recently participated in a contest to discover the funniest pun

The paper collected ten different submissions from their staff and submitted all to the contest certain at least a single entry might be good enough to win.



Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Join in on a Pun Thread

Hello Pun enthusiasts,

Comment a subject and let fellow redditors make puns about that subject

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Awful puns are jokes too.

I was telling my mate Edward that I couldn't stop referring to myself as male genetalia. He told me I could stop any time I wanted.

I said, "No, I'm a dick, Ted."

A stupid pun joke- The moon and the sun are having a conversation

The moon and the sun are having a conversation.
The moon says “Hey, you have been pretty dark lately. That kinda defies your entire sol purpose. The sun replies with “When will you stop telling me these stupid puns like a lune-atic.”

I've just struggled for ages trying to think of a pun worthy of attacking someone over.

Anyone else want to take a stab at a punchline?

Cat puns

Freak meowt.

I really like rock puns.

They're something we shouldn't take for granite. I mean, they are pretty solid.

Let's just face it, geology rocks!


PS: I just hit rock bottom, didn't I?

bee puns

why do bees have sticky hair

because they use honeycombs

Corny puns

Why can't the headless horseman ever win a race?

A: Because he can never get a head

What is Tiger Wood's favorite type of club?

A: The wood

Ugh. Sausage puns.

They're the wurst.

I tried to find a pun about carpentry

But nothing wood work.

Some puns

•    How does Moses make tea ?   Hebrews it. 


•    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

   
•    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. 

   
•    I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now. 

   
•    I know a guy ...

My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian...

it's like I've never seen herbivore.

Anyone a fan of Roman Numeral puns?

I, for one, am a huge fan of them

You've all heard the first headline, but not the second...

A pun walks into a bar and kills ten people.
Headline reads “Pun in, ten dead”.
Pun is tracked to a hideout in the woods and perishes in a shoot out with police.
Headline reads “Pun in tent dead”.

If you can't think of a good guitar pun...

Don't fret.

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Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50.

Guess who got the front porch repainted.

EDIT: Holy crap this blew up (no pun intended). Front page! RIP to my inbox.

Thank you kind Redditor for my first gold!

Some people really like Orion's Belt

But I think it's just a big waist of space.

My friend was harassing me with bird puns

But toucan play at that game.

Pun competition

One day, a man was sitting at home with a beer in hand when he read about a pun competition being held downtown. He got up early the next morning and came up with the best puns he had ever seen, and entered his 10 best puns hoping he would win, but unfortunately no pun in 10 did.

What happened to the all of the good chemistry puns?

The best chemistry puns argon.

You brought a pun to a knife fight?

That wasn’t very sharp....

Terrible pun...

An elderly German couple that own a butcher shop are minding the store one day, selling all sorts of meats and sausages when in walks a man with a bird under his arm.
The shopkeeper asks the man if he can help him and the man says "Yes, I would like to trade this bird for a few of your famous s...

Why are calendar puns so bad?

Because they are always so week and dated

I once wrote an entire theater production based on puns.

It was a play on words.

So I gouda cheesy pun.

But I'ma Swiss it out for somethin' chedder.

If you can think of a better fish pun..

let minnow.

I'm trying to write this pun about yoga

But it's just not working out

Ya I know it's a stretch

If I hear one more pun about whales,

I’m gonna krill myself

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I entered ten puns into a pun contest

I was hoping at least one would win, and in fact seven did. The prize was that they would be published in the local paper.

A week after they were published, I was contacted by a huge publisher that said they liked my puns so much that they offered to pay me an advance to write a book of puns!...

Rate this pun

My girlfriend said "I want to know more about the universe" after her teacher had taught a lesson about the fundamentals of the universe. I responded with "thats quarky"

Cryptic Pun

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night... when behind him he hears:

Bump.... BUMP... BUMP....

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP....

A fly feels a bug on its back

"Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?", it asks

"I *mite* be", giggles the mite

"That's the worst pun I've ever heard", groans the fly

"What do you expect?", says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly"



^(I apologise. My bro just sent it to me and I had to pass o...

I love puns about the eyes.

The cornea the better.

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Puns plz

Someone throw shit out there for me to make puns with. A topic, or whatever, and I'll do my best. Anyone else can join in too.

Bread puns happened when you

Yeast expect them

Bad puns are the best puns

How can you tell that a baker's hands are on fire?

He can't seem to *stop droppin' rolls*.

I love plant puns....

They're so ferny.

Military puns are funny...

Generally speaking.

One time a standup comedian started telling direction puns.

They were downright disgraceful; the audience up and left.

I was going to make a pun about Elizabeth the 1st's menstrual cycle...

But I don't like making period jokes, because not everyone gets them.

Bad chemistry puns

I've been looking for chemistry puns for a long time. But it seems the good ones Argon

I thought "hey, just try to enjoy the bad ones" but I couldn't. The only thing I could do is Berium.

You might be thinking "I bet they aren't that bad" but after you see the same ones as much as I sa...

My wife left me because of my constant zodiac puns.

It finally Taurus apart.

What is you’re best taco/ Mexican food pun?

Hey reddit! So currently I work at Taco Bell taking orders in the drive thru. With covid-19 all going around, a lot of people have been more down compared to before. So I’ve been trying to make their days somewhat better. The conversation usually goes like this:
Me: “hi welcome to Taco Bell, how ...

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