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Printing Jokes

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?

A copy cat :)

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to setup a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus...

What does the cake say at the government printing office retirement party?

This cake intentionally left blank

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3D printing is a lot like having sex.

First you have to clean your nozzle. Then you have to warm things up. And finally you have to keep just the right heat and speed. And if you mess up all you get is a disappointing mess.

A man’s printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.

A friendly young man informed him, “Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.”

Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, “Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage...

3D printers are now printing guns...

That’s nothing though. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.

It's just another day at the United States Bureau of Engraving and Printing.

My old office finally threw away those old printing machines and bought new ones.

I couldn't give a fax anymore.

I've invented a machine that prints money.

I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....


It makes no cents.

I tried printing something in 4D

but I ran out of time.

What did the Greek philosopher name his religious themed screen printing shop in France.

Sacre' T's

Did you hear about the guy who was run over in a freak steamroller incident in a printing shop?

He made quite a splash across the headlines, but left a good impression on paper

Badoom pssshhh

Why couldn't the man 3D printing his face control his excitement?

He was getting a head of himself

Printer tired while printing her picture

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

My printer has started printing scary stories in the middle of the night. Somehow they’re all in Braille.

It’s giving me Goosebumps

The Koreans were printing with movable type in 1403.

I was in 1402 and the noise kept me awake all night.

- from MASH

Who's black and white and red all over?

A victim of an industrial accident at a newspaper printing plant.

I used to think that sticks and stones could break my bones but words could never hurt me

Then I fell into a printing press.

\-Milton Jones

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem

“Oh yeah?” Said the president of the United States. “Ok how do we solve poverty?”

“Calculating” said the AI, moments later printing out a sheet of paper for the UN to read.

Leaders from all over the world applied the proposals on the paper and in a month everyone starts living a bett...

I have trouble keeping their jobs these days...

First I was working at a potato farm, but then I was sacked.

Next it was the tuna factory, but then I was canned.

Next I tried being a lumberjack, but then I got axed.

Next I found an opening at the crematorium, but then I was fired.

Next I screwed up at the gun manufactu...

A Co-worker approached me and asked if I wanted to make some money on the side with him. I thought it was a good idea, until he took me back to see his printing press.

I mean, seriously - this thing was a mess and his ink was all wrong.

Did you hear that Rudy Giuliani has proof of fake ballots and fraud? He says he found a whole stack of 'em.

Yeah, and he's going to be turning them in soon. He just finished printing them, and is waiting for the ink to dry.

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