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Mystery Jokes

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

EDIT: Thank you for the silver!

EDIT AGAIN: Thank you for the gold and platinum! I am honored!

Mystery of the dead crows

The NSW Police have found a large number of dead crows on the Sturt Highway just outside Wagga Wagga early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian F...

I'm writing a mystery novel,

Or am I?

What do you call a chicken that writes mystery novels?

Eggatha Christie

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The Mystery Machine Crew.

Okay Fred, Shaggy & Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa?'

'Rhino !'

'We know you know, Scooby, but it's not your turn...

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A nazi walks into a bar...

How someone can hit their head multiple times on a metal bar lying on the ground is a mystery, but that's what the eyewitnesses all claim happened.

Some mystery person keeps adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

Why is the Mystery Inc not invited to the Halloween party?

They'll unmask everyone if they were invited!

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A story about monarchy, sex, religion and mystery

- Someone ass fucked the queen!

- Oh my god!

- Who could it have been?

Sherlock Holmes was always reluctant to take credit for solving a mystery

Oh it was nothing, he would say. The police would have solved it in time.

Everyone knew he was just being modest. Be he ever so humble, there's no Police like Holmes.

It's a mystery to me why men like trophy wives.

Their ears stick out and they have they've got the previous winners names tattooed down their backs.

A prison mystery

\- Why were you sent to prison?

\- Bribery.

\- And how did you get out after just a month?

\- What do you think?

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Hitler died in 1945, Donald Trump was born in 1946...

Coincidence? No.

Mystery? Maybe.

Hotel? Trivago.

Great Mystery

Newsboy : "Great mystery! Fifty victims! Paper, mister ?"

Passerby : "Here boy, I'll take one" (After reading a moment) "Say, boy, there's nothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?"

Newsboy : "That's the mystery, sir. You're the fifty first victim".

August 20, 2020: Scientists have discovered a "mystery object" in space. The object is equal to 2.6 solar masses.

March 1, 2021: (Update) Scientists have determined that the “mystery object” is made up of unmatched socks.

Sherlock Holmes and his assistant Watson are solving a mystery

Sherlock: all the bodies were outside he school gates

Watson: how do you know that? I don’t see them.

Sherlock: Elementary my dear Watson, I can see blood that must have congregated around the bodies forming these shapes *points at the ground*

Watson: well what else do you know?...

A man had to trace a call to help with a mystery

So he found his phone cable and started ripping

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Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery.

Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."

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Did you hear about the murder mystery porno?

In the end, everyone did it.

The mystery of how my luggage worked has been solved.

It was an opened and shut case.

What do you call a group of racist chickens playing mystery board games?

A Clue Clucks Clan

There was a mystery involving an office worker and a small bag.

It was a brief case.

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A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

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One of my drill sergeants favorite stories

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he he...

What’s the last big mystery from WW2?

Why kamikaze pilots wore helmets

I wanna write a mystery novel

Or do i?

I have actually written one

Or have i?

I am sorry i wont do this again

Or wil i?

They say it's a mystery how the pyramids were built

But it seems obvious to me - they probably started at the bottom and worked their way up.

NSFW My wife went to see a murder mystery film titled "Glory holes and murder"

When she came back home, she looked really wide eyed. "I said you look shocked"
She said "yes, a surprise ending, but I never saw it coming..."

What do you call a mystery Mexican?

Juan Doe

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I’m an international man of mystery

I leave the nation and nobody knows who the fuck I am.

Update I guess I’m a national man of mystery too

I was trying to come up with a name for my group of mystery-solving chickens

Apparently the Clue Clucks Clan was already taken.

What do you call a cop morning mystery?

Who donut?

I watched a murder mystery movie with my daughter.

She said, "Hey! They just stole this idea from Among Us!"

They're serving mystery meat at the cafeteria in the physics lab again.

I've been asking what the main ingredient they put in their heisenburgers was, and nobody knows.

Trying to create a decent graph of my data but some mystery guy keeps adding more samples to it.

The plot thickens.

How gliders fly is kind of a mystery to me...

But I guess they have potential.

The Mystery of Childbirth

A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"

His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."

"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."

The boy begins his pape...

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Toilet paper hoarding mystery has been solved.

When one person sneezes nine shit themselves.

Mystery Ink Reddit Bull, Claims Alaska Girl

Pics are expected to prove supposed underground print version of famed forum made with "disappearing ink" a hoax.

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The Mystery Gang have a quiz night.

Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby decide to have a quiz, and split into two teams. Fred is the quizmaster.

Velma and Daphne are in one team, Shaggy and Scooby in the other.

Fred: Okay, Daph and Velma, Can you name one of the 'Big 5' African animals?

Scooby: Rhino!

Fr...

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(NSFW) I took my wife to the doctor following a mystery Illness...

After pulling me to one side, he said "We've narrowed it down to one of two things. Either she has a chronic heart condition or she is riddled with Aids."

"What on earth am I going to do?" I asked.

He said "When you get home, send her out for a 10 mile jog and if she comes back, don't ...

Mystery movie idea

Acclaimed actor goes missing. Police zero in on the suspects being his director, wife and brother. Plot twist: Actor is now living a different life disguised as a quizmaster at a European game show. No one expects thespian is in quiz session.

The mystery of the Last son [long]

A man had four sons. The elder three were tall, muscular and blonde. The fourth son was a brunette and lanky.

The man always questioned if the last son was his. It would eat him inside. But to keep the sanctity of his marriage and family he never bought the topic up.

On his deathbed, h...

What murder mystery is especially popular among mathematicians?

the Sin of 4

a sociologist finally solved the mystery of why men tend to die earlier than their respective wives

they want to.

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My mate tried some Walkers mystery flavour crisps last night and swore they tasted like his wife's pussy,

He thought it was his imagination but everyone in the pub said he was right!

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The search for the mystery penis chopper goes on

Detective jones has had a tip off, but will be back at work on Monday.

The Beethoven Mystery

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later,the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to ...

In the summer of 1901, there was a small town in Western New York.

Nestled in a small valley, the town of Alfred was dominated by a church with a massive bell that would ring every day, at the top of every hour for several minutes on end, from sun up 'til sun down, much to the ire of the inhabitants.


One fateful night, the bell disappeared. Distraught,...

There was a young pregnant woman...

...and her dream was for her baby to grow up with perfect manners.

So everyday, she would gently rub her belly whilst repeating the line, "Be polite. Be polite."

But a strange thing happened.

After 9 months, the baby showed no signs of coming out.

After a year the woma...

Agatha Christie

Agatha Christie would write one mystery novel after another without pause until her arms ached.

She was diagnosed with Marple tunnel syndrome.

Why can't crows star in a sitcom?

Everytime more than one is on set it turns into a 'murder' mystery.

A journalist was tasked to interview the best costume maker in the world...

So the journalist asked for an appointment with the costume maker, and luckily, he accepted.

Now this costume maker might be famous, but no one but himself and a few people know his real name. His identity was shrouded in mystery. The name he goes by is Mr. D.D., which are his initials. The j...

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A poor man goes to a sex club

After standing in line to get in het gets to the doorman. "What can I get for $5" the poor man says.

"You can get into the mystery room" says the doorman and he proceeds to lead the poor man to a door. Once he opens the door he sees a big round chamber with in the middle a donkey with a small...

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A cow gets stolen from a family…

The mother cries to her three sons, “Boys! Some prick has stolen our cow!”

The first son says, “If it’s a prick, it must be someone from Randville”

The second son, “If it’s someone from Randville, they must be short”

The third son, “If it’s someone short from Randville, it must ...

I have become obsessed with collecting Beatles albums!

So far I've got 17 Revolvers, 8 Rubber Souls, 25 Sergeant Peppers, 6 Hard Days Nights, 12 White Albums, 14 Abbey Roads, 7 Yellow Submarines, 5 Let It Be's, 9 Please Please Me's, a couple of With The Beatles, 3 Beatles For Sales, and even a Magical Mystery Tour, BUT IT'S NEVER ENOUGH!

I NEED ...

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