Mating Jokes - 19 Hilarious Mating Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

and we saw dogs mating. She said: "How does the male know when the female is ready for ?" I replied: "He can smell she is ready . That's how nature works."

We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.

Again my girlfriend asked: "How does the ram knew when the ewe is ready for ?"

I replied: "It's nature. He can smell she is ready."

We then went past a cow-field and the bull was mating with the cow.

My ...

Male bees die after mating. So that's basically their life.

Honey. Nut. Cheerio.

I just finished the book “101 mating positions”, and I was really disappointed.

Turns out—-it’s a book about chess.

Mating Bull

A man takes his wife to the stock show. As they start heading down the alley that had all the bulls, they come up to the first bull's stall and the sign in the stall read: "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year. You could lea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later

He built a wall with barbed wires on top.*

*A young bull could not resist his temptations and wanted to mate a cow.*

*Other bulls told him there was one veteran consultant bull amongst them that could help.*

*The bull went to him and asked how to cross the wall to the cows.*...

Woman can't get mating dogs apart

A woman had two dogs that she hadn't had fixed, but always kept them from mating. One night she wakes up at 2 AM to this terrible howling.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and is unable to separate them.

She called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.

One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.

When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.

"Don't bother competing wit...

Noisy Mating

A veterinarian had a busy day at the clinic, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals, his wife was waiting with a tall, cool drink and a romantic, candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. An hour later, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" as...

My wife and I do a lot of mating.

I think we may have a chess addiction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists have recently created a new hybrid by mating a male donkey and a female deer.

It isn't very beautiful, but that doe

Mating call of a blonde...

"Hee hee, I think I'm a little drunk!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decide...

A sick Australian ornithologist was 60 feet up a tree, engrossed in two Jackdaws performing a convoluted mating dance in defiance of all known observations of the species, when he had a sudden coughing fit.

They say he died of corvid complications.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is main difference between the mating habits of the horse and the unicorn?

The unicorn is much hornier.

Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don’t understand why?

Wife: I’m pretty sure it’s to stop the male from snoring before it starts

What happens to a chipmunk during mating season?

They get kinda squirrelly.

What do you call a reptile that gets denied of mating?

Croc Blocked. Don't ask me my mind is weird as hell this should be in r/ComedyCemetery

Male preying mantises when mating season starts: finally!

Male preying mantises after mating season:

Birds that have mating rituals...

I bet they just wing it.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.