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Levels Jokes

My magnesium levels in blood have dropped down to dangerous levels!!!!

0mg!!

Levels of stress.

1) You pick up a hitchhiker, A beautiful young girl. Suddenly she faints inside your car. You take her to the hospital.

-Stressful

2) But hospital says she is pregnant and you are going to be a father. You swiftly say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are!!

-Ver...

How do you measure different levels of pain?

In hertz

Levels

Condifent

Over condifent

The person reading the above two words as confident.

Life has 3 levels of existence...

Pain and pleasure in the physical plane. Enlightenment in the spiritual plane. And no leg room in the air plane.

The whole of Ireland is at risk from rising sea levels.

Apart from Cork, which will stay afloat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke on many levels

What's gripping from start to finish?

"The Rock Climber's Guide to Masturbation on the climb"

Rude on many levels

I was a receptionist at a hotel, and the phone started ringing. I could see by the screen that it was the extension for the elevator's phone. I picked it up, and a voice I recognize as a particularly rude and troublesome guest, immediately starts yelling: "What the (beep) do I press to get out of th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Levels of Death

A man dies and arrives in Hell. He looks around. The sky is gloomy and rainy. He’s approached by an old man. The old man says, “Hello. Welcome to Hell. Let me show you around.” So the old man starts to show him around. He shows the man to a rundown shack and says, “This is where you’ll sleep.” He th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys compare their levels of intoxication

from a party the previous night.

The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks."

The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."

The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute ...

TIFU: My uniform fetish has been escalating to unhealthy levels. Today I set the apartment on fire just so I could call 911, and I didn't realize my girlfriend was still inside.

Don't worry. I came to her rescue.

You can't go around saying that the polar ice caps are causing sea levels to rise.

That's glacial profiling.

Rising sea levels have lowered the value of my home.

Now my mortgage is underwater.

Why don’t Geordie tradesmen use spirit levels?

Because they prefer level things by eye man

Why are ocean levels so high?

sea weed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at varying levels.

The monkeys at the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces, whereas the monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Pollution levels have come down so drastically

That my wife is now seeing things from my point of view!

So i got 2 ‘O’ levels in Biology and metalwork...

So if your Dog needs welding I’m your man...

I saw Al Gore talking about rising sea levels the other day...

He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.

A Levels

Despite my A Level results being A B B A, it still seems no employer will Take a Chance On Me.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on Noise Reduction Levels

She said "Sure, what volume ?"

Checking your levels

A woman observes her husband as he enters the kitchen, opens the sugar box, looks inside and closes it. He does it again and again. So she asks him why?

He answers: "Because the doctor told me to check my sugar levels regularly."

"The Russians wouldn't lie about radiation levels, would they?"

"Sure, no bull."

Which region of New York has the lowest cholesterol levels?

Statin island

An archaeologist and his gorgeous new intern are in the lab checking the levels of carbon-14 in a skull they found.

The archaeologist's jealous wife walks in and demands to know what's going on. "Honey, it's nothing! We're just dating!"

Scientists have announced that dolphins are second to man in intelligence levels.

So that pushes women down to third place.

What do you call a journal, found in a shipwreck, detailing the hydration levels of lumbejacks?

A waterlogged logging water log.

Girlfriend: At least with the quarantine, the air pollution levels are down

Me: Well I kinda like the air pollution, it adds to the atmosphere.

Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator.

I was wrong on so many levels.

Why can't Trump supporters ever get into higher levels of mathematics?

Cause they can't grasp the concept of integration.

(all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)

What was the ancient punishment for smoking fatal levels of weed?

You would be stoned to death.

John Cleese talks about the terror threat levels of nations

The English are concerned about the recent increase in terrorist activities, and have therefore raised their security level from “miffed” to “peeved.” If the threats continue to grow, the security levels may be raised to “irritated” or even “a bit cross.” (The English have not seen “a bit cross” sin...

Some Cadillac dealerships have two levels. How do they get from one level to the other?

They take the Escalader

Obesity levels in the U.K. are rapidly declining.

They're dropping pounds fast

There are 4 levels of cheerios in this world.

The levels are, from bottom to top, regular, chocolate, honey nut, and the highest level is the status of Froot Loops. Jim is a regular old cheerio, and is unhappy with his life. So he studies for weeks and weeks, takes the test, and becomes a chocolate cheerio. He parties for a while, makes lots of...

So in Cheerio Land there are 4 levels to the social hierarchy.

At the bottom you've got plain cheerios, these are your basic working class folks.

Above them are the honey nut cheerios, more of the middle-management level cheerios.

After them are the fruity cheerios, you know, the real artsy, middle-class types.

At the top are the frosted ch...

Because I'm such a Portal 2 fan, I created my own levels.

Sadly, none of the "volunteers" have made it out alive and their families are starting to ask questions.

A guy named Bob dies and goes to hell

Before him stands the Devil.

"Hello, Bob. Welcome to Hell" the Devil says. "Now there are seven levels of hell and since your only sin was cheating on a science test in third grade, you'll be moved to level 1"

"Okay, that doesn't sound so bad" Says Bob

"Level 1 is the hottest...

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his wife was rooted to the spot.

She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with...

If all diplomatic issues could be solved with a board game like monopoly, we wouldn't see the current levels violence in the world.

No, they'd be *way* higher.

The carbon dioxide levels in our atmosphere are now higher than they’ve ever been, but there are ways that we can reduce that number by half.

Divide it by 2.

Did you know you can raise your energy levels by holding sodium in one hand and a AA in the other?

Worst thing that will happen is you'll be charged with, A salt and battery.

I heard a great joke about elevators

It works on many levels

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My gf complained that I’m always taking shit to the next level

So I promised to stop pooping in elevators

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