Land Mine Jokes - 13 Hilarious Land Mine Jokes

I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

Land Mines

The Soviet Union don't use land mines.

They use land OURS.

My brother died from standing on an old land mine.

At least he went out with a bang.

In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.

Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!

Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.

A joke from my drum teacher...

Where did Sally go after she she stepped on a land mine?

>!everywhere!<

Knock knock,

Who's there?

>!not Sally!<

I thankfully wasn’t close to my father when he died..

He stepped on a Land Mine.

Contrary to what historians will tell you, Napoleon had a more horrific death.

It turns out, the military leader had walked over an active land mine causing it to explode. Body parts were strewn all over the place. Yeah. That’s right. Napoleon was Blown-apart!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was driving down a country road when I saw a sign: "Talking Dog For Sale."

I drove another mile before I turned around. A talking dog? Really?

I pulled up a gravel laneway and parked next to the barn. An old farmer was working on his tractor.

"Excuse me," I said, "but I couldn't help but notice your sign. Is it true you have a talking dog for sale?"

"Y...

Whatever you do, don't let anybody walk over you.

\- My friend when I attended the party dressed as a land mine.

A reporter visits Afghanistan,

A reporter visits Afghanistan to report on a recent bombing. On her way to the bomb-site, she sees the women walking ten steps behind the men. Enraged, the reporter asks her translator why the women are walking 10 steps behind. The translator replies, “It is because women are considered 2nd class ci...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

War jokes

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part
of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines,
the captain asked for questions.

Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen
to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"

"N...

American female journalist in Afghanistan

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men.

She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home.

A year later...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Interview

A chap goes to the Council for a job.
The interviewer asks him - "Have you been in the armed services?"

Yes" he says "I was in the Falklands for three years."

The interviewer says "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks "Are you disabled in any way?"
...

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