UPJOKE
garagedoorautomobilehatchbackcarcoupegatehouseboxcardrivewaydooryardentercarhousekeyvehicleback door

I pulled into my driveway, and someone had painted a large number 3 on my garage door.

I thought, “That’s odd.”

Garage Door

The Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning
not knowing his zipper was down and his fly
area wide open.. His assistant walked up to
him and said, 'This morning when you left
your house, did you close your garage
door?' The boss told her he knew he'd
closed th...

Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives (copied joke)

The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door."

The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones."

The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carrie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone spray painted "Pervert Lives Here" on my garage door.

Fucking vandals wasting my time.

I just opened it and there was nobody inside.

I left the garage door open last night

Someone stole my limbo stick.. didn’t know people can go that low.

My wife tried to kill herself last night. I heard noise coming from the garage in the middle of the night so I went to check it out. The car was running with the garage door closed, and she was in the driver's seat crying hard.

This is the last time I buy a Tesla.

My brother works in the garage door business

I asked him how it is. He said it has its ups and downs.

He's really happy for the job, though. The opportunity was really an open door for him.

Apparently they've made him into their main salesperson, since he really knows how to close the deal.

I hope you found these puns to b...

An arrogant boss

The secretary saw that her boss' zipper was open when he walked out of the bathroom.

Hey boss, "Your garage door is open."

The arrogant boss walked real close to her and said, "I hope you got a good look at my Ferrari."

The witty secretary quickly said, "No, but I did get a glim...

3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...

1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".

2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5...

Riddle told by a 7 year old just now...

I go up and down so you can go in and out.

What am I?









A garage door.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was outside getting my mail when I noticed my neighbor cutting his lawn. The mower was loud and he didn’t see that his dog was licking something up by the garage door. Suddenly, the dog began running circles around the front lawn but shortly after he fell to the grass.

“Did he die?”

*No he just ran out of gas*

A hooker approaches a middle-aged man at the bar and says, “I’ll do anything you want for $50.”

He opens his wallet and says, “Paint my garage doors.”

My dad tried to kill himself

He parked the car in the garage and left it running for hours with the garage doors closed. He came inside the house after 4 hours when he realized we had a hybrid car.

I just drove my truck into a building!

Good thing I opened the garage door first.

My dad told me he put a draw bridge at our house.

Turns out, he installed the garage door upside down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Statue

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard the garage door open.


"Hurry!" she cried. "Stand in the corner!"


She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder.


"Don't move," she whispered. "Pretend you're a statue."

<...

Sears does vasectomies now.

But every time I get an erection, my garage door opens.

A transport ship goes down....

A transport ship goes down in the middle of the Atlantic quickly enough that no distress signal get sent. After the ship had been overdue for a ten days, a rescue is dispatched. Five days after that, the come across an island and send men ashore. There, they find four women lounging in emergency ten...

A man goes into a pet store

In the pet store he asks for something interesting, and the worker brings out a dog

“I don’t want a dog, I want something interesting.” Says the man.

So the worker goes in the back of the store and comes back to the man with a snake.

The man says, “This is interesting, but I wan...

True story...I was getting a hair cut...

...and wanted to start a conversation with the lady cutting my hair. Maybe she likes birds, so I tried, "This morning when I opened my garage door I heard six different kinds of bird song in the first 30 seconds."

"Yeah, I guess." OK, she is not interested in birds. Maybe sports, "This weeken...

Important things in Life.

I had a power cut at my house this morning.

My PC, Laptop, TV, DVD, Ipad and new surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was dead.

To top it off, it was raining so I couldn’t go for a walk, bike, or run. The garage door opener nee...

Science jokes

Thought i'd make a post compiling a few of my favourite science jokes. You can add your favourites in the comments below.


Q: How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to hold the lightbulb, and the other to rotate the universe around it.


Q:...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bobby's New X Box

Bobby was playing in his parents bedroom one day, when he heard his mom and a stranger waking towards the room. Since he wasn't supposed to be there, he panicked, and jumped into the closet, just as him Mom and the strange man entered.


He sat in the dark for a while, hearing strange nois...

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